Who Needs to Coddle the Millennials?

~ Clarissa

The entrepreneurial network I subscribe to keeps publishing endless posts (here is just the most recent one but every week at least a couple is published) on how to coddle the touchy Millennials so that they don’t freak out and stop doing any work at all.

Every news channel is broadcasting the story of the “Hot Car Dad”, the disgusting freakazoid who left his small son to die in a hot car because the kid was cramping his lifestyle. The commentators who are in their 50s and 60s are repeating like broken records that “these kids [meaning the 30-year-old murderer and his freak of a wife] are just so immature” and suggesting that the child-killer doesn’t belong in jail. The commentators in their 30s and 40s look baffled and keep saying, “But he’s an adult. The child died while in his care, shouldn’t he take responsibility?” only to be screamed down by the irate older newscasters.

I’ve been wondering why there is such an intense need to make excuses for the especially spoiled amongst the Millennials, and here is an interesting idea somebody advanced. She says that people who are most annoyed with the drama-queenish Millenials are Generations Xers (like I and she are). The ones who insist that the Millennials need to be pandered to and coddled are the parents of the Millennial generation. They feel guilt for raising useless, eternally immature kids (which obviously doesn’t describe everybody in that generation) and try to make excuses for themselves in such a weird form.

By the way, “Millennialism”, which I define as the excessive emotional fragility and an incapacity to handle the demands of an adult existence, is an international phenomenon. My Ukrainian cousins who never even left Ukraine and who belong to this generation are exhibiting all of the characteristics of the syndrome. And their miserable mother who gets to provide for the adult daughters, their husbands and their kids is making endless excuses for them.

I feel very badly for those among the Millennials who are brave, hard-working and mature (and there are many of them) but who are viewed with annoyance and suspicion because of their over-sensitive and fragile brothers and sisters. They don’t get as much attention in class as they could if the instructor didn’t have to pacify the touchy-feely ones. They see their employment opportunities curtailed because employers are reeling from their recent experiences with their perennially exhausted and eternally underaprecciated peers.

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Published by Clarissa

46 thoughts on “Who Needs to Coddle the Millennials?”

  1. // “Millennialism”… is an international phenomenon

    Why? What has changed then and how could it be the same thing internationally? Will next generation(s) suffer from this too?

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    1. “What has changed then and how could it be the same thing internationally?”

      – There is still no consensus among researchers (that I know of) but my guess is that peace, stability and prosperity and an unheard-of scale are contributing factors. The main characteristic of this generation is the incapacity to tolerate even the tiniest inconvenience or even the most remotely negative emotion because it is so unused to them. My Ukrainian cousins didn’t have to make a living during the 1990s, which was the major formative experience for my generation. And I mean, good for them but I wouldn’t give up that experience for anything because it made me very resilient.

      Of course, any other suggestions as to what may be causing this are welcome.

      “Will next generation(s) suffer from this too?”

      – I’m hearing that Generation Z is growing up and it’s rumored to be just like the Millennial generation but multiplied by 10. All I have to say is, Oh Lordy.

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  2. All the hand-wringing and generalizations about useless Millenials on U.S. business sites is about a very select group of people in office jobs who went to at least middling schools in “good” school districts in America, who can realistically count on their “connections” and “networking” to assist them in getting good entry level jobs, as well as leeway from superiors. People who have none of that don’t get to wallow in their fragility; they either rise to the occasion or die. I had a Boomer supervisor who excused the habitual drunkeness (she’d come in and lay down half the day) of a peer of mine while freaking out on me over taking a day off for a funeral per company policy. She excused things like her son sticking a firecracker up a frog’s cloaca as “boys being boys.”

    As for the elderly Boomer and Silent newscasters, they’re just defending their own child rearing practices, as if white dudes with children should be given extra leeway to leave their children in the car and not deal with the possibility of child tantrums. Nobody would be excusing this from any woman or a non-white dude.

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    1. My students are from disadvantaged backgrounds but the problem is present and very real. My hand is still numb from copy-pasting the endless “You are working very hard and I congratulate you on your success” into every graded assignment last semester. This wasn’t even remotely an issue 10 years ago when I did teach pretty privileged kids (and non-privileged as well.).

      I hate to be the person who dumps on the younger generation but I’m tired of the endless meltdowns that invariably follow whenever I say something as mild as, “Your use of adverbs still requires some work.” I’ve been teaching for a very long time and now all of a sudden I find myself having to manage emotions and hurt feelings to the extent I couldn’t have thought possible even a decade ago.

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      1. I’m the most laid-back, understanding teacher in the universe. Want an extension? Need to use Facebook instead of listening to the lecture? Feel like coming in late or not coming at all? Need to rewrite the exam? Need to rewrite it again? It’s all good. I never ask for humiliating explanations, berate for absences and tardiness, and love explaining the same thing 100 times over with patience and good cheer. But it’s got to a point where I give an A and the student still has a meltdown in my office, saying “I feel like you didn’t celebrate my success enough.”

        It’s getting so that I get nauseous when I hear the words “I feel.” I don’t understand why people think it’s OK to bring their emotions to the workplace. Go home and emote to your heart’s content. But no, this all has to be dumped on me who is not qualified to deal with emotions.

        This is very recent and it’s getting more intense every day. I haven’t changed my teaching methodology but from a great teacher adored by the students I’m transforming to a monster who is not giving them what they need. Because I don’t have it to give.

        And by the way, this meltdown I’m having right now – because that’s what it is – I took it to my private space and didn’t inflict it on anybody in the workplace. I’m stiff-upper-lipping it through every, ‘But you make me feel udnerappreciated.’ Because that’s what adults do.

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      2. Clarissa, have you tried pom-poms and a cheer, or maybe a rubber stamp with the phrase to spare your hand? /sarc (only half kidding on the rubber stamp part).

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      3. Is this a regional thing? I never saw that kind of neediness from my classmates of any social class here in Northern California. Maybe it’s just because I’ve never been a teacher.

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          1. Well, “paradise” isn’t quite the word. I hear about students reacting badly to their grades and feedback and in other ways all the time, but those stories tend more towards deceptiveness, blackmail and open hostility than neediness. It’s the emotional angle that I find strange.

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  3. I, on the other hand, tend to find the gen x types conservative and entitled and the millenials hardworking and engaged. Emoting in workplace was in vogue in late 80s and I hated it. In late 90s was when the instructions on how to get the youngest hires to do work started to appear. For people born mid 70s I guess… ?

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      1. To their social position, to having their convictions confirmed, to stepping on others, killing to get ahead, things like that.

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          1. Having convictions confirmed? You like boring students, then.

            Gen X I associate with the Reaganite values — gimme gimme gimme while I spout “Christian” morals at you. Disgusting people.

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            1. Gen X simply means being born in a certain range of years. It doesn’t include only Americans or only Christians. I’m a Gen Xer and I was just a child when Reagan was president. His relevance to me is nil. I only found out about his politics about a couple of years ago.

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          2. Ah yes and also — unattractive. One thing I have noticed since the Millenials came in is that they look better, not as overweight or as weirdly dressed, more style.

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            1. Again, there are other countries aside from the US. My generation back in the FSU is all anorexic. And it’s the same for Latin America, as you well know.

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          3. And but mostly, I find the gen x people hard to forgive for all the support of policies of Reagan, the Bushes, and so on they gave. Current people are SO much more aware.

            So these are my broad generalizations for today.

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      2. Z – I think you might be slightly misidentifying generations. Most of what you are describing sounds like late Baby Boomers. Gen X is usually defined as born between 1961 and 1981. I was born right in the middle of Gen X and the first president I got to vote for was Clinton and most people my age were big Clinton supporters at the time. Only the very oldest Gen Xers ever had a chance to vote for Reagan and only the second time he ran.

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        1. It is arithmetically wrong to blame GenXers for Reagan. First, most were not of age to vote. Second, of those who were of age to vote, most didn’t go to the polls at all because we all know how bad voting attendance is, especially among the very young. Out of that small minority who was of age and did go to the polls, many obviously didn’t vote for Reagan because there is no evidence that he had a 100% among the very young. If that had happened, it would have been the story of the century because no candidate gets a 100% support of all groups.

          Blaming Reagan on gen Xers makes as much sense as blaming Bush on the Millenials. And in any case, unless we get a president who is elected with a 100% vote at a 100% attended election, no president can be blamed on any generation because obviously there would always be people who don’t show up to vote at all (about 60% of the population) and those who vote for the alternative.

          It’s very strange that this is not self-evident.

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      3. That entitlement to emotional investment I personally started noticing in late 80s, so it would be students born about 1970 and afterwards, and they were the ones from points East, not from California. This emotional investment thing has been cranking up further throughout the present cenury and has gotten worse in the last 5-8 years, perhaps. At least in my experience.

        But I am not at all convinced that “generations,” however defined, have personalities in this blanket way. One might say they did or did not experience, or remember certain things but even so, there is so much variation.

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    2. See, this is why I feel these generational discussions are of limited utility. Technically I’m Generation X and Reagan, as a kid, was that old dude on tv with the job of “President.” (My excuse: I was in elementary school.) And yet I’m supposed to have meaningful generational traits in common with people who were young adults voting for Reagan. I have as little in common with people 17 years older than me as I do with people 17 years younger. People were complaining that kids my age were getting trophies left and right (indeed I have participation ribbons).

      I’m reminded of this, How Not to Talk to Your Kids

      My sympathies, Clarissa. I couldn’t tolerate the excessive sharing of feelings from my older coworkers let alone adults. I think this constant fishing for praise comes from the parents and is also a symptom of grade inflation. Despite complaints from businesses, a workplace of young biddable eager to please white collar workers who live on a diet of praise is easier for management to deal with than people who expect money to form the bulk of their re-numeration. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that actual re-numeration went down at the same time that a ping pong table was sold as an aspirational benefit at the hottest tech companies.

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      1. We also get a lot of praise rather than money at work since the crash of 2007-2008. This is actually a really important point, praise instead of money, I think. It of course is somewhat pleasant to keep getting thank-you letters from your university president but on the other hand — well.

        These characterizations of “generations” are very problematic, yes … especially because many are so uninformed / based on gross stereotypes / focus on an alleged personality. Common experiences might be a better thing to look at but even so…

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    3. And — what I remember was droves of people very slightly younger than me, but with very different convictions, supporting Reagan the first time they voted in 1980, and then more in 1984. If Gen X really starts in 1961 that is not arithmetically wrong at all — it is precisely right.

      A lot of this had to do with rejection of civil rights and related things.

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      1. Once again. Only a minority of Gen Xers was old enough to vote. Only a minority of that minority came to the polls. Some percentage of that minority of a minority voted for Reagan.

        Second-grade math.

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        2. There was a huge shift in general attitude and outlook, though, and it was a complex shift. What I remember noticing was that a lot of people were a lot more conservative, rabidly so (whether or not they chose to vote), and a lot of other people were a lot more disaffected. This is the big shift I remember from 80s to late 90s; after that people seem to have started loosening up again. I think the coddling you are talking about may come from the right wing — all my most needy of coddling students are fundamentalist Christians and so on. You say you have a lot of that, too.

          My oldest-closest alleged generation X friend was born in 1965. She was 20 and I 28 when we met. Thinking about it now there are two main differences those eight years made: (1) she benefited from the gains of 2d wave feminism and I did not nearly so much, and (2) cost of education had grown exponentially, really exponentially, by the time she got to it as opposed to when I had. This means we grew up in quite different conditions, really.

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  5. Perhaps it’s time to make appropriately Swiftian “Modest Proposals” — personally I’m looking forward to any that improve the prices at the corner kebab shop. 🙂

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    1. Man, if I had a kebab shop on any corner in the 50-mile radius, I’d be happy to pay any price. 🙂 The very word “kebab” makes me happy.

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      1. St Louis is probably not 50 miles away, but …

        Now that you’re able to pilot your L-plate-free vehicle on the vast Automobillandschaft von Amerika, it’s an adventure worth taking.

        I would still try to avoid any Millennial Special discount plates, unless of course you look forward to defending your dietary choices with the smugness of a modern-day Tertullian … 🙂

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      2. A quick consultation with the Google Hive Mind says there are at least four kebab shops in St Louis, including one that’s supposed to be Afghan but seems to have a lot of Persian dishes …

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  6. I’m part of the millennial generation (I’m glad, by the way, that that was the term that stuck, and not “echo boomers”) and I’ve been in a lot of jobs where I’ve had to supervise other people my age. One thing that’s annoying about this is that they’re exclusively interested in doing tasks that they enjoy doing, even if that’s not the only part of the job. Then, after prodding, asking, reminding, and then outright ordering, I get pouting and then a shutdown where they’ll stop working altogether.
    Honestly I thought maybe it was just a Canadian thing when I first moved here, but it could be a generational thing. I’ve never supervised anyone older though, so I couldn’t say. I like to think that I’m not that much of a brat to work with…

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        1. But the losers are the dog-eat-dog ones — they are so mean and unhappy, and so far in debt, and they get so ill. I don’t understand?

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        2. Or perhaps this is more comprehensible: work ethic, achievement, are of course fine. I just notice that despite this praise-needing, choosing fun work, etc., it seems to me that people are getting BACK to that. In my experience it was more in the 80s and 90s that college age people appeared to be going for the savage-capitalism, let’s grab someone else’s stuff attitude. This is of course just what I have observed, in the places I have been.

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  8. I did have the oddest experience at the UPS store. Owner is older than millenials, though, although I think younger than me. I am in boom and my kids were born in early 1980s, does that make them X or Millenial? But they are hardly spoiled despite my not being one to force people to do things / be in a particular way, etc.

    Anyway, in UPS store I declined to have package wrapped by them, saying last time this was done the item got broken. I really wanted to put it in a box inside another box, said I, and that not being something their packing policy allows, I would pack myself … just wanted to buy boxes and then ship.

    The guy actually told me I had hurt his feelings by mentioning that a package wrapped by his store had gotten broken, and that he would therefore prefer I not ship from that location at all. He had done his very best, he said, and I was not recognizing that, and it was hurtful.

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    1. Early eighties is Gen exers like my sister.

      I’m sorry you had this experience. It’s impossible not to feel guilty even though you know you haven’t done anything.

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    2. Don’t … you … believe … it.

      They want to pack the boxes for you as a paid service, and they love stuffing your stuff inside over-sized boxes so you can pay dimensional weight charges, among other nasty, sneaky things.

      “I’d trust you if I didn’t think your company and its policies were out to screw me” seems more appropriate.

      If this guy’s stupid enough to defend them, he’s more than welcome to the abuse that should follow …

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  9. When I think of a real generation difference, at least in this country, I think of this:
    Say Everything
    There’s a huge difference between people who’ve grown up with the Web as a utility, people who started using it as a teenager, and people who were well into adulthood before they started using it. Except someone who has grown up with it since their childhood won’t refer to it as I just have; it’s just there like phones and tvs.

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