I want to share an instance of a really egregious cosmic unfairness, people. As you are well-aware, I keep posting with the speed of an unhinged bunny here. Posting and posting, posting and posting.
And then my sister – who has zero interest in writing, blogging, being in the public eye, etc. – writes something on her LinkedIn page and immediately goes viral with that very first article when she never even wanted to become famous. The article gets so much attention that it is even picked up by a very major magazine. It just also happens to be a magazine I love and read all of the time.
I have never felt envy and resentment of my sister, never. She is younger, thinner, richer, more psychologically healthy and has much better clothes than I do. She can wear heels when I’m doomed to flats. She has her own company and a beautiful daughter. And even our mother just told me that she passionately wanted my sister to be born in a way she never felt about me.
And I never felt envy of any of this.
But now she has to go viral? That makes me envious. Of course, I informed her of my feelings immediately and asked if she were about to come out with a ground-breaking study in the field of Spanish literature, which is not in the least impossible.
Cosmic unfairness, people, cosmic.
Clarissa's Blog 
“asked if she were about to come out with a ground-breaking study in the field of Spanish literature”
I’m pretty sure she’s working up an analysis of bildungsromane set in the Spanish civil war (on her lunch breaks) even as you fret.
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Bitch. 🙂
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“And even our mother just told me that she passionately wanted my sister to be born in a way she never felt about me.”
Especially coming on the heels of your previous post on parental attitudes towards their children, this is a bit heartbreaking.
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Yes, my analyst was all over this for months. 🙂 It’s OK, though, I’m now very much over it.
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You’re very much over it but obviously the commentariat ain’t. Because Christ, that’s an awful thing to tell your kid, and while most parents who feel that don’t actually say that, it’s a common enough emotion and kids are excellent at perceiving such things.
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I like the word “commentariat.” :-). And if you think this story is hard-core, I have many many much more intense ones.
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Your mother really shouldn’t have told you that. What good can come of it, really? Just has the potential to make you feel like crap.
For instance, my eldest kid was an “oops” while the other two were planned. I adore them all and I have a really great relationship with my eldest; as we are very temperamentally similar and have similar sense of humor, taste in movies and music.
Why on earth would I tell him what is technically true, that I really wanted his brothers (as in, planned on having them and was ecstatic from day 1 of pregnancy) but didn’t want him the same way (as in, didn’t plan it, even though I never considered terminating, and wasn’t really enthusiastic about it initially)? What good can come of it?
I really don’t understand your mom…
But it’s awesome that you immediately told your sister how you felt! Btw, I think the best way to cure envy is to be extra nice and helpful towards the person you envy.
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I think knowing you’re an “oops” once you’re an adult (after being a well-loved child) doesn’t cause any harm, the anec-data being myself (I shouldn’t have to say it, but this is obviously different from what Clarissa’s mom told her, which I can see being hurtful). In some cases it is actually really useful information. For example, my friend has had two “oops” babies *while* properly taking hormonal birth control. Only afterwards did her mother tell her that she and all her sisters were *also* “oops” babies while the mother was properly taking hormonal birth control… Apparently, my friend’s aunt also conceived under similar circumstances. As you can imagine, my friend would have really appreciated knowing that there is a family history of hormonal birth control failing.
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Yes, I need to smother my sister in kindness so that she realizes what a great injustice she has brought onto me with this post.
I’m obviously joking!!!
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\\ For instance, my eldest kid was an “oops” while the other two were planned. […] What good can come of it?
Don’t know, had my mother told me something like that, I would’ve thought it a small thing. Nothing good and nothing bad. Even had I heard about “I considered terminating because of XYZ”, so what? The important thing is whether a child is truly loved after birth, isn’t it?
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It’s not about what you consciously think. It’s about the manner in which the parental perception of you shapes you. And if course it’s also about the reason why she feels she needs to make this statement.
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\\ wasn’t really enthusiastic about it initially
Before birth of after it too? If one isn’t enthusiastic only during pregnancy (and after birth loves the child immediately), I wouldn’t care at all in your son’s place.
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// And even our mother just told me that she passionately wanted my sister to be born in a way she never felt about me.
She told that she had different feelings only during her pregnancies, but loved both of you after birth, right? Or felt different after birth too?
Hearing “I had difficulties to love you *after* your birth” would’ve been quite bad for me too. 😦
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We were discussing early childhood.
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May be, I confuse two things here. When I read xykademiqz’s comment, I thought whether it’s some kind of dark secret one is careful never tell a child, or just something not hugely important that she doesn’t tell. But will tell truth, if her son asks. If there is true love now and has been for years, would every person be deeply injured after hearing f.e. “I thought about aborting”?
I understand what your mother said was hurtful to you, Clarissa. (Don’t understand what she said exactly, wanting before / after birth?) The question is about most people.
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First of all, it was purely coincidental as far as that particular post is concerned. The number of hits my blog has accumulated in the past 4 years is less than the hits yours gets in ONE day! So, your whole blog is viral; for me it was just one measly post. So, there.
What do you have to say now???!
🙂
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No, this is my blog, mine, and we are feeling sorry for me here, me! OK, yes, I guess you are right. 🙂
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