Self-irony is an important aspect of psychological health. Please remember that before you start reading.
There has been an announcement about a huge snowstorm approaching St.Louis.
“It’s all Putin’s fault. That vile freakazoid! This snowstorm is evidence that the nation-state is nearing its inevitable collapse,” blogger Clarissa wrote.
“I blame immigrants,” reader Hattie commented.
“Since we started talking about the weather, here is a long quote about Israel,” reader el chimed in.
“Oh, just fuck off with your stupid Israel,” reader Stringer Bell responded. “It’s just rude to hog threads like that.”
“Yes, enough of that,” reader musteryou said. “Let’s watch my new video on shamanism instead. I have found a method to make snow unimportant as an aspect of one’s profound inner life. Bataille said the same thing, as you know.”
“Ah, now you will have to agree that Michael Brown was a thug!” reader bg exclaimed triumphantly. “This snowstorm is perfect proof of that.”
“I keep telling you to read something on American history,” reader Z suggested. “Then you will know what the history of snowstorms has been like on this continent. The short story: Reagan did it.”
“As an Eastern European immigrant I have no idea what you Western sissies are whining about. A few snowflakes and you are freaking out,” reader aglaonika commented.
“Yes, since I moved to Poland, I have discovered a much more resilient attitude to the weather,” reader Cliff Arroyo added.
“Exactly,” blogger Clarissa responded. “I can speak my mind no matter how much or how little snow there is. In the post-nation-state, this will be a crucial skill that I recommend everybody to pick up. I was hoping Obama would figure this out but he always disappoints. And by the way, Putin is a vile freakazoid.”
“Since we started talking about disappointments, what about Israel and this long quote and also these 18 reading recommendations?” reader el asked.
“I’m applying to graduate school and I have read these 18 books and 520 more books,” reader leahjane shared.
“I hope those are paper books, ” reader David Bellamy said. “It is crucial for a student to start a library of her own. By the way, I want to commend you for the correct use of the present perfect tense in your statement.”
“If the American academia were prepared to hear the truth about the snow, I would have a job in the US,” reader J. Otto Pohl stated. “I have published 177 articles on the subject.”
“When you finally find the time to watch The Wire,” reader Stringer Bell gently reminded, “you will see that the problem of snow has been addressed a long time ago.”
“I’m not a Putinoid,” reader valter07 said, “but you have to agree that the world is running out of resources and that soon only the most fortunate will have access to snow. This means there will be some sort of a socialist system in the future that will guarantee a fair distribution of snow.”
“Before you start saying shit about Germany,” reader Tim commented, “here is a great video showing that you’re wrong.”
“None of this would be happening if everybody just went to a psychoanalyst already,” blogger Clarissa concluded.
P.S. There has been no announcement of a snowstorm in St. Louis, by the way.
Clarissa's Blog 
Only 520, pffft, I’m on winter break now, I can bring that up to an even 600!
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Come on, you are so doing 700! 🙂
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Not when I periodically stop to comment on Clarissa’s blog to snark at antifeminists and to show how much I’m Not Like Other Millennials. 🙂
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Haha, it’s almost perfect. I never met Hattie though which based on the parody is a huge loss for me indeed. Maybe you could have written el’s quotes in Russian, otherwise it’s perfect especially the last sentence. But if everyone is healed by the analyst, what would happen to the audience of this blog? 😛
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Thank you for having a sense of humor. I didn’t spare myself either in the post.
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I know who is missing from the parody! The silent downvoter who is the bravest participant of this blog.
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Oh, shit! So right. I will totally add the downvoter to the sequel of this post. 🙂
How could I forget the downvoter!
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I once made exactly THAT PRECISE joke to someone who used to be my early childhood friend. She was complaining about the snow and I said, “Yeah, but to be honest I have never seen snow. [That is a fact.]” I said, “Do you think that perhaps the reason you are seeing snow is that you have evil inner thoughts, thus creating the manifestation of the snow?”
Ok, It was obviously a poor joke or it translated badly across the language and cultural barriers, as my friend had stopped speaking English.
In any case, she gave me a rather terse reply and actually we have not spoken again, although I am sure i could contact her if I wanted to.
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People who have no sense of humor to the extent of your friend scare me.
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No, I really think it was the language barrier. She had stopped speaking English and could only speak Swiss German. And that Swiss German culture is very austere, too. I think it was a genuine misunderstanding. But it did indicate how far we had grown apart.
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This was hilarious! Ha. Thanks for posting. 🙂
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You will be featured in the sequel, so don’t feel happy just yet. 🙂
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““As an Eastern European immigrant I have no idea what you Western sissies are whining about. A few snowflakes and you are freaking out,” reader aglaonika commented.”
By the way recently I got to know that I wasn’t an Eastern European immigrant but a Central European expat. My social status is clearly growing, it’s a pity that I still feel myself as an EE immigrant. How could I bash the Western sissies as a Central European EXPAT 😛 ?
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“How could I bash the Western sissies as a Central European EXPAT 😛 ?”
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It’s the immigrunts.
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🙂 😉
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“Rumours that Jones is en route with a Weather Extraction Team have been greatly exaggerated …”
🙂
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Aw.
I will presume I am not on the list because of how my patterns defy form and expectation – like an especially elusive puddle.
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dry voice I approve of my representation in this parody.
Also, judging from the other commenters in this thread, it is kinda scary how predictable random strangers on the Internet have become to you, Clarissa.
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I don’t leave 18 links anymore. SB frightened me into 8 only. 🙂
I have found a curious link:
Emergency On Wings of Eagles Airlift for Endangered Ukrainian Jews!
[…]
They have nothing but the shirts on their backs, and it is doubtful they will have any place to return to when this war is over. Because of the huge risk and danger a Wings-sponsored “Freedom Flight” to Israel costs $1,500 per refugee.
https://secure2.convio.net/ifcj/site/Donation2?df_id=10660&10660.donation=form1&s_src=HDR&s_subsrc=EAS1405XXEUXX
May be, the current war will push the remains of the Ukrainian Jews out, to Israel. I read on Israeli news site that there is a special program for them. Of course, when we immigrated, we were helped too.
In linked news:
\ 2014 sees 7% increase in North American aliyah
A total of 3,762 Jews from US and Canada and 525 from UK fulfilled their dream to immigrate to Israel in the past year, Nefesh B’Nefesh reports.
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Evelina Anville:
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Evelina Anville: (Says something so fucking sensible that anyone arguing against her is forced to reevaluate their entire goddamn life)
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Thank you Stringer Bell!!! I’m so flattered! That made my night. 🙂
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“Evelina Anville: (Says something so fucking sensible that anyone arguing against her is forced to reevaluate their entire goddamn life)”
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