It seems like a mainstream movie based on 50 Shades of Grey is coming out. I always thought that the idiots who watched porn patiently until the end to see if there was a wedding were imaginary characters from comedy routines. And then I discussed the trilogy on my blog and discovered they were very real. The movie will make them very happy because all the sex has been culled out, and the infantile viewers can now ecstatically concentrate on “relationships.”
50 Shades: The Movie
Clarissa's Blog 
The notion that the female character is necessarily earnest and thus requires deep connections and “real asian ships” (not like the Korean ferry disaster) is one of the mainstays of American culture. I believe it may also be a British notion to some lesser extent. It’s definitely not part of French culture, which is why I find their cultural products so liberating. I have found in the past that when I have been ironic or joking around Americans, they become not just a little unsettled but completely mentally disturbed. It’s not part of their views that women behave in this way. I must be a non-woman or a damaged and violent woman or something outside of their frame of consciousness. But watch a French movie and there are all sorts of people behaving ironically. It really isn’t intended to put anybody down or to make a man feel less than a man. My mannerisms and behavior have nothing to do with somebody who isn’t me. But the Americans latch on to this notion that women need real asian ships. We have to form them with all and sundry and in a docile and respectful way. Anything sexual is particularly hateful to the ideologically fixed consciousness. Somehow it indicates things being out of control. But the French seem to segue their sexual imagery into their general narratives without any difficulty.
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” I have found in the past that when I have been ironic or joking around Americans, they become not just a little unsettled but completely mentally disturbed”
Hey, that’s how we roll!
One thing going on is that everything gets merchandized in the US.
Storytelling is less about actually telling stories and much more about moving product. Also the American business model is about standardization, you put the two together and you get formulas stomping on a human face forever and the … punters (as you not-quite-Americans might call them) lining up for seconds.
Some other culture like the French (and Scandinavians ime) are less invested in the production line model and have more freedom to do weird quirky things. This produces a fair amount of stuff that’s unwatchable and a fair amount of stuff that’s liberating (which is which will be a subjective judgement).
What you perceive as irony is perceived by Americans as a faulty product.
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Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I have a feeling that sometimes I am stepping on the Yankee toes just by talking to them. I’m not actively driving all my energies to help them become ‘a success’ and therefore I am perceived as an obstruction, who must be killed off. That’s okay by me, if they want to limit their range and understanding when it comes to intellectual development. More troubling by far is the notion that my character can only ever be read and processed as if it were completely earnest (or appropriate for me only ever to be completely earnest). These assumptions lead Americans to apply their pathological categories, which I consider would be more suitably applied to themselves. (Generally, when I have looked into it, this has been the case — quite a few projections.)
I am definitely on the side of making faulty products, in the European (and perhaps Zimbabwean) manner. My principles are aesthetic and intellectual, not monetary, and I am happy for them to be that way. This makes for a good way of thinking and a good way of life.
I think where Americans go badly wrong is where they become all preachy and start giving uninvited advice about how to orient myself to the world to be “a success”. I look and I see that they can’t get even such a basic thing as sexuality right, and I am not inclined to pay heed. Art and sexuality are messy but productive. The very trimmed and denatured version of women that they keep demanding is neither of these.
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“The movie will make them very happy because all the sex has been culled out, and the infantile viewers can now ecstatically concentrate on ‘relationships’ …”
Even if the mise en scene isn’t jaw-droppingly yawn-filled, the choice of scenery couldn’t be more banal anyway: the Escala building in Seattle, for instance, is quite possibly the least interesting building in a district of not terribly interesting buildings (i.e., the south section of Seattle’s Belltown, north of Westlake Centre).
So let’s pitch high our torches for this Bonfire of the Banalities! 🙂
(and by “torches”, I mean cheap plastic flashlights you can get for under a quid, just so we can maintain our shabby irony)
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Well, when you have a trilogy that started off as fan fiction based off the Twilight saga, and that Twilight saga was written by a Mormon housewife, you get all of this weirdness.
It speaks to the extreme prudery existing in many American women that these are mega hits. Neither series is readable, and people desiring spank material can easily find it elsewhere.
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50 Shades of Grey is such a horrible representation of BDSM that I’m kind of glad it’s been mostly rid of its sexual context. It’ll make it more clear that abusive relationships have nothing to do with BDSM for one thing.
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There is nothing even remotely abusive in that novel.
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Okay, I’m gonna have to ask anybody who isn’t comfortable depictions of sexual abuse not to read this, because here’s a big list of things abuse victims are likely to say that BDSM submissives aren’t (and as somebody who has, at one point or another, been both of these things, I’d ask you to choose your words carefully if you’re going to argue with me on this):
“Christian. You use sex as a weapon. It really isn’t fair.”
“I want him to stay because he wants to stay with me, not because I’m a blubbering mess, and I don’t want him to beat me, is that so unreasonable?”
“I should run, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him on some deep, elemental level, that I can’t begin to understand.”
“He wants to hurt me… how do I deal with this? I can’t hide the horror on my face.”
“Will he ever give me a break? I scowl at the phone. He is suffocating me. With a deep dread uncurling in my stomach, I scroll down to his number and press dial. My heart is in my mouth as I wait for him to answer. He’d probably like to beat seven shades of shit out of me. The thought is depressing.”
“Your stalker tendencies are running wild… why do you do this?”
“And he hits me again and again. From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop. But I don’t.”
“Phew… my subconscious and I both breathe a silent sigh of relief.” (after being told by Christian that he’s not going to hit her again)
” I can’t say that I enjoyed the experience, in fact, I would still go a long way to avoid it.” (when speaking about being hit by Christian)
“And this is what concerns me most, because I don’t want to lose him. But I’m not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive. Deep down, it’s the canes and whips that put me off. I’m a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain.” (she plainly says she does not enjoy pain here, but doesn’t say anything because she’s afraid! Fucking seriously!)
“Oh shit… can’t he just get this over with? I’m not sure if I can stand.”
And here is one very big thing an abuser is likely to say that a BDSM dominant is not:
“”You weren’t meant to like it.” (AFTER ANA STRAIGHT UP TELLS CHRISTIAN SHE DID NOT LIKE BEING HIT AND WOULD RATHER HE DIDN’T DO IT AGAIN – HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SAY THIS IS NOT ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR? IS THAT WHAT CONSENT LOOKS LIKE TO YOU?!)
More often than not Ana expresses a deep, honest FEAR of Christian Grey, and Christian fucking loves it. This is not the safe way to practice BDSM. You’re telling me anything is okay as long as people like it but it’s pretty fucking clear to me that Ana does not like what Christian does to her (she tells him so on multiple occasions) and would never agree to it without coercion, but coerce her he does. There are multiple times Ana specifically says “no” to Christian’s advances and Christian continues to pursue her anyway (for instance: “I can’t persuade you to stay?” “No.” “I could make you stay.” “Yes, you could easily, but I don’t want you to.” “”You impossible girl.” ) Christian is deeply aware of the fact that Ana is not accustomed to BDSM practices and as somebody who is, he should feel responsible for accustoming to her to them and make sure she always feels safe before even dreaming of touching her. That is a responsibility Christian consistently ignores for his own pleasure.
Let me clarify that I am a subby piece of shit who loves BDSM, but only when I’m absolutely certain I’m dealing with somebody who honestly respects my boundaries and does not want to damage me. If I met a person like Christian Grey in real life I would run for the fucking hills.
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This is not a manual of use. This is a pornographic work of fiction. Everybody’s fantasies are different. And everybody is entitled to their fantasies. There is nothing healthy in trying to censor other people’s fantasies vecsuse they differ from yours.
There is nothing even remotely abusive going on in these scenes. These are games that adults play. Both characters are obviously very much into this game. If you don’t want to play this kind of game, that’s perfectly fine. But if other people do, that’s also perfectly fine.
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Ana honestly states several times that she is not comfortable with the level of control Christian exerts over her, and says both in her dialogue and inner monologue that she does not want to be hit and does not enjoy it sexually. She also says she is honestly afraid of Christian, and tells him so, and Christian ignores her and continues anyway. This is not what masochism looks like. The things Ana says are not what a masochist says. It’s not a game because Ana doesn’t want to play but isn’t provided with a way to end it. Can you explain to me how these aren’t scenes of abuse?? Like, where’s the fucking game here?
“You don’t want to play this kind of game”? You mean I don’t want somebody to beat without my consent and manipulate me to accept it? Yeah, fancy that! You would condemn somebody who finds sexual abuse funny so I’m not sure why you’re defending people who find it sexy. Fetishizing sexual abuse is fucking dangerous and 5SOG as the most popular portrayal of BDSM in fiction is enabling that. E L James is as much an enabler of sexual abuse as Daniel Tosh is.
Clarissa, I know what sexual abuse looks like.
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“Ana honestly states several times that she is not comfortable with the level of control Christian exerts over her”
I haven’t read the book or anything (and would have to be paid a hefty amount, as in six figures, to even think about doing that) so I’m guessing, but I think the author is just not… very… good.
I think the writer wanted to write a fantasy about what she imagined sexual domination mixed with overpowering attraction would feel like but she’s never actually had any experience with either. Therefore the predictable thing happened – she produced a big pile o’ crap that reads just like abuse to those who have suffered it because …. I don’t want to think of why.
“as the most popular portrayal of BDSM in fiction”
The most popular portrayal in fiction of almost any minority practice is going to be stupid and horrible.
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I can only repeat that this is pornography. Pornography has no artistic or social value, and it doesn’t offer any portrayals of anything. It’s not an encyclopedia or a textbook. All it aims to do is facilitate sexual arousal. If there are millions of people who bought this pornographic book, it means it fulfills that purpose.
Any attempt to parse pornography for meaning beyond whether it facilitates arousal is just weird. And does not speak to robust sexual health.
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And there is no single “correct” way to do BDSM. If people like it, it’s correct for them.
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I seem to remember someone being tied up with cable ties at one point. If I’m not misremembering this, then that’s definitely something people shouldn’t try at home – there’s a serious risk of nerve damage in the tied up appendages with narrow stuff like cable ties. However, porn isn’t sex ed, nor should it take the place of such.
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I haven’t read the books, but when the first one came out I read some funny critiques by female bloggers. One thing they mentioned was how childish both characters were. An example was that the lead female character could not talk about sex or even about her own body (she referred to her vagina as “down there”). And there was an interesting insight in one of the critiques that the fantasy in the first book at least is not about BDSM but about a woman so insecure and ignorant about her own body and sexual needs that she has to be coerced into having pleasure. She doesn’t take responsibility for it but gives it over to someone else because she can’t handle it herself. Maybe that’s what resonates with fans of the book. They want to enjoy sex, but out of some kind of immaturity, they don’t want to understand themselves sexually. Let someone else do the work for them while they can remain passive and get the pleasure out of it (and maybe prudishness demands that there be some pain along with it, for daring to even enjoy sex).
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I’m wondering how generational this is…. and just how far generational influences can reach.
Over at akinokure, the main blogger recently wrote that not only are millenials emotionally stunted (from the clautrophobic control imposed by their parents) but they mostly seem physically stunted as well as if their bodies stopped maturing at around 13 (from never being able to move around in a normal way).
I’m not sure if this crap movie is marketed to them but a sex story with the sex taken out does seem like what they might respond to.
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The uneasy response to this pornographic book is something that I’m seeing in people of all kinds of ages. Their idea of sexually arousing seems to be that of a constant stream of weddings. Unless it’s “they met and then they married”, any story will be disturbing. And the idea that this book is simply a prop to sexual arousal is simply inaccessible.
Time and again, I mention that this is pornography, and people respond with a tortured “But the characters’ relationship is unhealthy!”
And it’s like I’m the only person who sees the weirdness of reading porn and concentrating on the “relationship.”
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“Any attempt to parse pornography for meaning beyond whether it facilitates arousal is just weird. And does not speak to robust sexual health.”
This sounds weirder by the minute since the little I’ve heard about about the book in question sounds about as arousing as a pile of dirty dish rags.
I fear for my country’s mental health (talk about closing the barn door…..)
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It’s a step in the right direction that the millions who bought the book are spending their time masturbating to it rather than fantasizing about weddings. Hopefully, they will discover something more sophisticated to masturbate to after this. But even if they don’t, even ten minutes they spent doing anything but obsessing about weddings and relationships is already great.
I believe that it’s enormously positive that the book is so successful. Even though the same people who enjoy it get do terrified of enjoying it that they start attaching weird social analysis to it in order to get the inner censor to praise them as good girls and boys. The long and painful criticisms of the book are just a way of expiating the guilt of the sexual arousal.
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Okay, I’m not done yet….
“Any attempt to parse pornography for meaning beyond whether it facilitates arousal is just weird”
Now I’m imagining people critiquing porn for logic…
“But if she was so anxious to get the pizza then won’t it get cold while she and the delivery guy are getting freaky?”
“Instead of going along with it, she should report that teacher and his sex for grades deal. That’s the kind of thing that gives all teachers a bad name.”
“Plumbers are expensive enough already, he better not be charging for the time they’re doing it.”
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““But if she was so anxious to get the pizza then won’t it get cold while she and the delivery guy are getting freaky?””
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