My friend from Ukraine, let’s call her Basia, is similar to me in many ways. We are both passionate pro-Ukranian agitators, we’ve had a very similar life trajectory, and both made the decision to emigrate at the age of 14. And now we are teaching at the same university and soon, hopefully, the same course. Basia says that one of her grandfathers survived the Holocaust and the other one survived Holodomor.
There is one thing, though, that sets us apart. Basia is as kind as I’m not. So when we got an email from a Russian guy we’ve never met asking us to come to his elderly mother’s birthday to give her the joy of speaking Russian on that single festive occasion, I came to work and announced to Basia, “Did you see the email from that Russian weirdo? The guy’s just the limit! Trying to offload his old mama on total strangers!”
“Don’t tell me you are not going!” Basia exclaimed. “I already agreed thinking that it would be a great thing to spend some time with you.”
So now I’m going to the Birthday of an old lady from Russia.
Basia and I worry that the family might turn out to be Putinoid. I’m thinking of wearing my Ukrainian patriotic scarf to make it clear what’s appropriate in my company. The only problem is that it’s a heavy knit scarf and I might look like an idiot wearing it in hot Illinois April weather.
I also need to bring a gift. Any ideas?
Clarissa's Blog 
\ I also need to bring a gift. Any ideas?
Could you ask him whether his mother loves to read, and/or what’s her favorite dish? You said you’re a good cooker, preparing something tasty may be nice.
\ Basia and I worry that the family might turn out to be Putinoid. I’m thinking of wearing my Ukrainian patriotic scarf to make it clear what’s appropriate in my company.
In my humble opinion, it’s a good idea to ask the son regarding his mother’s position before the visit. If she is Putinoid, it’s kinder for her and for you, if you and Batya don’t visit, or visit and agree with her not to talk about this issue. Though I am unsure how the latter is possible. Trying to change her mind wouldn’t help anybody, only completely spoiling your day and old woman’s birthday.
LikeLike
But I thrive on victimizing old Russian ladies. 🙂
I just got caught on the highway in a thunderstorm and hail the size of quail eggs. So my humor is dark.
LikeLike
If she is from Russia, doesn’t speak Ukrainian and watches ORT on TV, most chances are that she is Putinoid, imo.
If you go in the end, I thought a bit more and decided that a book is not the best choice, after all. You don’t know whether and what she would like to read, her eyes may not be good, etc. Bringing some Russian dish and/or your version of American dish seems more suitable.
LikeLike
I only cook for people I love and trust. Feeding is an act of emotional caretaking for people with oral traumas.
LikeLike
Last comment for now – if this guy is “just the limit” (?) in one thing, his family and mother may be the same way regarding other issues, like the situation in Ukraine and Russia. Another reason to ask him before deciding on coming.
LikeLike
Our people do tend to be excruciatingly rude. I’m one of them, so I should know. 🙂
LikeLike
A bouquet of sunflowers? Beautiful and subtly Ukrainian (and then you don’t have to wear a heavy scarf.) 🙂
LikeLike
Ah! That’s totally brilliant!
Thank you, this is the best suggestion ever. My problem is solved!
LikeLike
Apropos of not very much. I was watching some of the стоп-хам* videos on youtube wherein young Russian mean (more or less politely) ask people to stop breaking traffic rules by doing things like driving on sidewalks (apparently a national pasttime).
Interestingly, much more often than not the women getting called out are far more aggressive than most of the men, quickly lapsing into torrents of obscene abuse. Even the guys that try to get physical aren’t as aggressive.
And tiny though it might be, politely asking people to follow the law is a slight sign of civil conscience… may it take hold and burn brightly!
*I think ‘douche bag’ is too strong and not a good translation of хам (if it’s anything like the Polish cognate) “Stop a jerk” would be better
LikeLike
Have you heard that Ukrainian-born piano soloist Valentina Lisitsa who is an ethnic Russian had her Toronto Symphony Orchestra appearances cancelled this week for her disparaging comments on the current Ukrainian government?
“Ms. Lisitsa’s tweets about the Ukrainian regime have included some harsh comparisons with Nazi Germany, sometimes laced with morbid comedy. “In a new European Ukraine, the camps will give the subhumans [ethnic Russians] condemned to gas chambers an opportunity to offset their carbon footprint,” she says in one.”
http://m.theglobeandmail.com/arts/music/ukrainian-born-soloist-dropped-from-tso-for-her-political-views/article23812295/?service=mobile
LikeLike
Jesus. No, that’s the first time I hear it. My heart goes out to the poor, mentally ill pianist.
Sadly, this happens often among performance artists because this is a group where early stages of mental disease are often confused with artistic exaltation. 😦
LikeLike