Reader Cliff Arroyo asks à propos Jodi Arias’s case:
“I can go overboard in my fascination with unsolved murder cases but this seems pretty open and shut. She did it and kept lying and whenever confronted with a lie changed the story shopping up for something that would make her look good.Is there any evidence that there’s more going on here?”
The reason why I’m fascinated with the case is its potential to answer a host of interesting and crucial questions.
Why has feminism reached such a total dead end? Because the measure of personal success within one’s peer group among women is still a single thing: marriage*. This is a much easier way of reaching success and recognition than the one which male identity imposes. Who needs to invest the effort into a lifelong process of achieving and then retaining success when you can just do this single act and be done with pursuing success in your peer group forever**?
Jodi was thwarted by her victim in achieving personhood, fulfillment, recognition as a human being who is good at the art of life***. And there is absolutely no other form of fulfillment that her peer group would accept.
Another reason why I’m interested in the case is its relationship to my research.
Jodi Arias is absolutely, scarily, outrageously similar to the characters of these female novels of development that I’ve been studying for years. Reader Pen, you’ve read Irlanda. Tell me the protagonist is not totally Jodi. She engages in horrifying crime simply because she needs to preserve her right never to grow up.
Well, now Jodi has achieved her state of bliss. She will not have to grow or work on achieving success. She wanted to end up in jail, which is why she did all she could to get caught.
* And before you say “motherhood”, think: how much societal respect and veneration do single mothers get? I rest my case.
** Please remember that I’m not talking about you, an intellectual with several degrees and a complex, nuanced persona. I’m sure your vision of personal success is as complex as you are.
*** Do I need to keep repeating that this does not excuse the murder or can we just accept it once and for all?
Clarissa's Blog 
I have to go to class now. I’m commenting here so I remember to come back to it afterward.
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Okay. I didn’t hear about this case until yesterday, so I spent the last while reading up on the major points of the case. I will say that Arias resembles Natalia in the sense that she did it to gain some form of control of her life. However, I don’t know enough about the case to say for certain that she did it out of a frustrated loss of childish identity. A loss of identity, yes–both PTSD and BPD (I understand there was a conflicted diagnosis) involve a perceived loss of self. I have no idea about the marriage aspect of the case, however, because I really don’t know that much about the case.
On another hand, I’ve been reading about control theory for my psych class, and it’s fascinating to see how those concepts are applied in a scenario that isn’t a mass-murder or genocide (the class is Social Psychology of the Holocaust).
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Wha?
Because the measure of personal success within one’s peer group among women is still a single thing: marriage*.
Everyone knows the marriage is a combo deal with marriage and children, especially with Mormons. You fail if you’re not married. You fail if you’re married and never have children.
She just seems like a dumber Amy Dunne.
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“Everyone knows the marriage is a combo deal with marriage and children, especially with Mormons.”
And no, I have observed this for many years, in many different groups, it’s absolutely just marriage. And the best part is that it doesn’t even have to be a successful marriage. That’s the beauty of the whole thing: it can be done just once and that’s it, you have arrived. 🙂
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First of all, they both were Mormons like I’m a ballerina. I have close friends who are actual Mormons, so I’m equipped to notice the difference
I don’t know about the Travis dude, but I’ll agree with you on Jodi.
And no, I have observed this for many years, in many different groups, it’s absolutely just marriage. And the best part is that it doesn’t even have to be a successful marriage. That’s the beauty of the whole thing: it can be done just once and that’s it, you have arrived.
I’m thinking of “success” and considered “adult” as not necessarily completely overlapping.
I’d say there’s a different tolerance for divorce among groups, for sure, and a different emphasis on family. Most people in America don’t care much if you’re divorced or get remarried again. But this is NOT true of my subgroup. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had guys tell me they’ve never been married only to find out they’ve been divorced or in the process of divorcing. Why lie otherwise? I’ve been messaged by many divorced men who specifically refuse to date divorced women. It’s changing slowly. When my childhood best friend’s mother got remarried it caused a scandal within the family. She’s been remarried for over 20 years and she has family members who will not talk to her. Her husband moved away, had another family and has not been in my friend’s life since she was 5. I know another aunty who specifically refused to divorce because it would affect the marriage prospects of her sisters to have a divorcee in the family. Her husband failed at everything; he was a drunkard and an abuser and he was not a “good provider.” She has never dated in the years I’ve known her. My mother was the only person from her former group of friends who stood by her. I’ve known women who were divorced because they were infertile. The women don’t talk about their jobs; they talk about their children — competitively. When I went to an event for a mutual acquaintance, it was highly notable because her parents were holding it with a priest to specifically to support their daughter who was going through divorce.
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“I don’t know about the Travis dude, but I’ll agree with you on Jodi.”
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had guys tell me they’ve never been married only to find out they’ve been divorced or in the process of divorcing. Why lie otherwise? I’ve been messaged by many divorced men who specifically refuse to date divorced women.”
There is also a very interesting form of policing of a person’s movements during parties. If an unmarried woman approaches men and engages in any form of conversation, that’s the end of the world. No, she has to plant herself firmly on the “female side” of the gathering and never depart from there.
In the meanwhile, there is zero such policing on childless women.
Mind you, these are practices that women impose on each other and themselves. Men are not even aware of this.
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Of course, in the Bildungsromane, my theory bears out as well. Children are seen as competition by the heroine who has dedicated herself to the task of self-infantilization. Of course, the husband is not really a husband either. He plays the role of the father for the perennially childish heroine.
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There is also a very interesting form of policing of a person’s movements during parties. If an unmarried woman approaches men and engages in any form of conversation, that’s the end of the world. No, she has to plant herself firmly on the “female side” of the gathering and never depart from there.
Happens with divorced women in the subgroup. Someone will come by and “fetch” the offending woman. But I can draw a line through any room and see a gender divide. Married/unmarried, doesn’t matter.
In the meanwhile, there is zero such policing on childless women.
The movement for married childless women policing isn’t there, but there’s this:
“Are you married?”
[conversation continues, first woman mentions children]
“Do you have children?”
[negative answer]
“Oh. [blank look, wanders off to find someone else].
or
[cute kid story about kid]
“Oh how cute! [cute story about niece/nephew]
[blank look, change of subject back to kid]
I’m talking very specifically about approval within female peer groups. This means the communities of women and the values they engage in their internal self-policing. Between my marriages, I had to learn that it’s better to introduce myself as “I’m divorced” than “I’m not married” because the group perception is completely different. And saying anything like “I’m not interested in getting married right now” provokes the kind of rage that “I’m not interested in having children” simply never does.
I’m about to try saying both in public. 🙂 As to “I’m not interested in getting married right now”, I’ve gotten more arguments and pity, and weird setups. 🙂
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“This is a much easier way of reaching success and recognition than the one which male identity imposes. Who needs to invest the effort into a lifelong process of achieving and then retaining success”
It also means submitting yourself to others’ judgement (on character and achievements) pretty much non-stop from the ages of 5-85.
The main thing I notice in modern ‘feminist’ writing is “dont’ judge anyone ever about anything” which eventually but relentlessly pushes women back into their traditional roles of uptight social mediators on the sidelines and enforcers of nice people etiquette (see: Shakesville).
The male model of identity is non-stop hard work. It’s no wonder that those with other options (getting married. stop.) often choose those instead.
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And this is precisely why there is so much passive voice used on these resources.
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The main thing I notice in modern ‘feminist’ writing is “dont’ judge anyone ever about anything” which eventually but relentlessly pushes women back into their traditional roles of uptight social mediators on the sidelines and enforcers of nice people etiquette (see: Shakesville).
That kind of writing is relentlessly judgmental under the cover of “don’t judge anyone ever about anything” in the process. If someone keeps going on about how nonjudgmental they are, I assume the opposite.
Where I see the word “easy” for models of identity, I substitute the words “comfortable” which is synonymous with “known.”
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Great footnotes
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This is actually true about all statements people make about themselves. Whenever someone starts with, ” I’m the kind of person who. ..” , I always prepare to hear about the quality that person definitely does not possess.
I was always sure that I’m shy until I shared that insight into myself with people and they responded with hysterical laughter.
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“That kind of writing is relentlessly judgmental under the cover of “don’t judge anyone ever about anything””
Yeah, but the judgements are all zero sum games of micro-status (aka trivial bullshit) while the non-judgements are more about things that sane people care about.
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I now play a game where I look at the title and the opening of a post from Shakesville and try to guess what the disclaimer will be like. But the authors are always way more inventive than I am.
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“Who needs to invest the effort into a lifelong process of achieving and then retaining success when you can just do this single act and be done with pursuing success in your peer group forever?”
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you do it
The money for nothin’ and the guys for free
[Mark Knopfler had it WRONG] 🙂
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Also, because I know this will brighten your day …
🙂
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