So, as you probably remember, our protagonist ‘ s casual boyfriend said he didn’t want to date her any more. Now they are seeing each other as “friends”, and the protagonist is doing the whole “let me analyze to death every breath he ever took” thing:
as to what we were doing and why, and I’d wondered if it was all a good idea. In the end, though, being with TA made me happy, and there’s not a lot of happiness in my life. He was fun and funny and kind and interesting and sexy – and he was into me. He started this; he pursued me; he assured me that taking it one day at a time was the perfect attitude; he told me how wonderful I was and how good we were; he described our relationship as intimate.
This is just a small excerpt. There is a lot more at the source.
I’m starting to rethink my belief that the guy is a jerk and beginning to feel some very uncharacteristic (for me) compassion towards him. Because once you are past the teenage stage, this obsessive neediness becomes scary and off-putting as all hell.
Hey, when we were young we all did this sort of thing and stayed up all night discussing with our friends what it meant if HE looked at me sideways and sighed twice. I did a lot of that when I was learning Spanish with my Colombian friends because it was the best way to practice the language. It was all a game, though, and we all knew it was just a game. Those were the times of our crazy youth. There was always a group of admirers surrounding every one of us, and we juggled and spun them around mercilessly. Oh, the stories I could tell. . .
I’m now starting to wonder, though, if some people in the group were dead serious about the whole thing and were doing the analyzing of words and facial expressions in earnest.
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I’m starting to rethink my belief that the guy is a jerk and beginning to feel some very uncharacteristic (for me) compassion towards him. Because once you are past the teenage stage, this obsessive neediness becomes scary and off-putting as all hell.
If this neediness was scary, he’d cut off contact. Why hang around someone who is this close from dumping a feelings bomb? No, he enjoys this. Or is confused. It doesn’t matter, she should just spare herself the angst and not hang out with him.
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OK, you’re absolutely right. He is a jerk. I’d just sever all contact with this person and never get in touch again.
I feel much better now that I don’t need to experience the uncharacteristic compassion.
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I’m back to thinking that he’s just giving her what she clearly wants – minutiae to obsessively worry about.
If you’re dealing with a worrier you either give them bones to chew or they start chewing on you…. His only jerkiness comes from enabling her massive needy worrisomeness instead of disappearing into the night.
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“His only jerkiness comes from enabling her massive needy worrisomeness instead of disappearing into the night.”
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He sounds like a guy I used to date (shudder). There are people who thrive on drama and there are also people who have personality disorders. In hindsight, the guy I dated lied pretty much the whole time and likely even cheated; he also made a habit of hitting on women who are in relationships (he’s “misunderstood” by his current girlfriend, and stupid women like me can’t help but want to make him feel better).
The guy is a liar and a manipulator; I can tell you from experience, being in a relationship with someone very manipulative can make you feel completely nuts, and even a self-reliant person turns very needy and obsessive because you are constantly being gaslighted.
Anyway, I don’t know the blog author or that guy, but from all I have read he’s a piece of work. There was never true caring there, no matter what he said (boy, can these narcissists talk!), because he has no problem saying whatever she wants to hear, until he gets bored and moves to someone else. It only seems on the outside as a 180 change, in reality there was never much of substance there on his side. I hope she knows things didn’t end because she somehow messed up; they were never going anywhere to begin with.
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I hope she understands this and stops looking for ways to please him and service his needs some more!
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Without going into details, I had a girlfriend whose roommate was kinda needy, like this woman. Said roommate would cry watching Top Gun, and wanted a real-life Maverick. She dated a guy who liked to come up here, to hang-glide in the foothills nearby, from his home in L.A. on the weekends. It was clear that he wouldn’t move up here, because he’d probably would’ve had to take a pay cut if he did so. I dunno, she was real needy, and such people suck all the air out of the room, and aren’t that great to be around. I’m told my gf that she wasn’t her psychologist, that she needed to figure out what to do on her own.
Did you ever watch any nature films with a wasp and a caterpillar/tarantula/etc that it seizes and lays it’s eggs in? This reminds me of those little dramas on a psychological level. They feed on each other’s worst characteristics.
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