The Hilarious Adventures of Russian Parmesan

~ Clarissa

So you know how Russia has imposed sanctions on the EU in response to the Western sanctions, right? For instance, the Russian government has prohibited the import of Parmesan cheese (among many, many other things) into Russia.

Of course, people in Russia still want to eat Parmesan. So Russian companies started making Parmesan of their own, which is obviously not real Parmesan. Since they can’t make it taste anything like the real thing, Russians make it look the part, even going as far as decorating the product with the colors of the Italian flag:

parmesan

 

Pathetic, yes, but it’s one of a million tiny indignities the people of Russia are suffering as payment for their imperialistic hubris.

This is not the end of the story, though. Russians went to Expo Milano 2015 and. . . put their fake Parmesan proudly on display there. Italians are obviously unhappy about the whole thing and Russia looks totally idiotic once again.

Sometimes, when we tell ourselves a story many times, we end up believing it. Russians have been repeating like unhinged parrots that their fake goods (called “import substitutions” in Russia) are a source of pride, and eventually they forgot that not everybody is equally into this narrative.

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Published by Clarissa

12 thoughts on “The Hilarious Adventures of Russian Parmesan”

  1. Okay, that shit looks naaasty.

    What is it with Russians and cheese? Is it the only major European cuisine where cheese is irrelevant?

    Is it just not a thing there are do they just suck at making it?

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      2. I’m very interested in the traditional Russian cuisine (which was considered the healthiest in the world), and there was never any mention of cheese in anything I read about it. I have no idea why.

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    2. French culture has the reputation for cheese, Russian – no. Sausages and salo are more important, as far as I understand.

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      2. Salo is Ukrainian. 🙂

        The absence of cheese in Russian cuisine is weird given that there’s a lot of inventive milk products. Ryazhenka, prostokvasha – I’ve never seen any equivalents anywhere else.

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    3. It was never part of the traditional Russian cuisine, so it’s quite irrelevant. However, they kind of suck at making their most traditional staples as well. The Crimeans suffer intensely because they now only get food from Russia and it’s horrible.

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    1. “They do not want an Empire for themselves”

      • After this, there’s no point in reading any longer. I remember a survey from back in 1996-7 where people in Russia were asked if an empire is a good thing and if Russia should be an empire. The overwhelming majority said yes to both questions. I still remember how much that shocked me back then. This is not even about Putin and his imperialism. He simply does what the people want him to do which, as an elected politician, he should be doing.

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