So who’s with me on watching this debate? Carly Fiorina will be participating, and I’ve never heard her speak or seen her now famously insulted face. I will be liveblogging, even though this stupid app will be making it very hard.
7:11 – isn’t it the funniest thing ever how they are standing in front of Reagan’s symbolic penis? I’m having fun already.
7:12 – Huckabee: all I can say about myself is what I’m not. Ted Cruz is doing his best impression of a bad bit-part actor. Trump showed with his finger where his talent is, just in case we were confused. Jeb is struggling not to look exhausted. Walker can’t help discussing Reagan’s symbolic penis. Fiorina is not at all ugly.
7:19 – is Kasich drunk? He was incoherent. And Christie almost cried.
7:20 – once again, the host is making the debate about Trump. And asking Fiorina if she’d be comfortable with Trump’s finger someplace sounds icky.
7:23- OK, I loved how Trump hit Paul in the gonads about his ugliness.
7:25 – Walker said the only non-boring thing in his life, telling Trump we don’t need an apprentice in the White House. And then blabbed incoherently.
7:29 – now Christie is being asked where he has his finger. This is what happens when you put a huge phallic symbol on the stage. It all becomes about sticking fingers into places.
7:31 – Bush mumbled over the question on being bought by his donors. Trump defends Hillary from Bush. Wow.
7:35 – Trump is being honest about his love of Putin. I appreciate the honesty, at least.
7:37 – Rubio looks like an earnest A – student. Putin would eat this boy alive.
7:38 – Fiorina actually gives the most intelligent response on Putin. Interesting.
7:45 – Bush proposes arming Israel and siccing it on Iran. Is he completely insane?
7:53 – God, is it really necessary to talk about poor, insane Kim Davis? Everybody will forget who she is two minutes from now.
8:00 – Christie just accused Hillary of murdering babies. The irony of her actually being a person who, unlike him, could and did give birth to a baby is escaping him.
8:04 – when Trump says he’ll “protect women”, that sounds very creepy.
8:06 – these fellows hate women so much that I’m starting to feel sorry for them. What did their mothers do to this bunch of sad, hateful little freaks?
8:10 – “We have a lot of bad dudes in this country,” Trump says. Yes, and here they are, on this very stage. Could we have them deported?
8:24 – all of the fake drama that CNN is trying to generate underscores that all these candidates agree on everything. Which means they have no positions or opinions. They just have a dusty, rusty, boring party line.
8:39 – Huckabee is proposing to eliminate taxes altogether. Poor crazy idiot.
8:53 – OK, I’ve already heard all this verbatim early in the debate. Have these folks run out of talking points?
8:57 – I’d so love to see Hillary debate Rubio. She would crush this itty-bitty little fellow.
9:02 – Trump said what Obama never dared to: Dubya was a horrible president who tanked the economy. I now hope that Hillary drives this point home forcefully when she debates Bush, the Sequel.
9:08 – Christie is trying to get points by sharing that his wife walked past World Trade Center before the attacks. That’s just pathetic. Playing the victim on somebody else’s suffering. Bleh.
9:17 – Kasich is asking us to respect our Jewish principles. Freaky.
9:42 – Rubio demonstrated that all this Reagan worship is all fake with his response on climate change.
Clarissa's Blog 
This is my superbowl.
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Yes, this is the show of the year. Comedy clubs will go bust if this continues.
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One minute to answer questions on national and foreign policy is nonsensical.
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Did you hear Trump say “bragadaicious”?
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He’s trying hard to learn new words! Bush #2 never even tried.
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Oh God, I just saw this. This is the best.
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Trump Trump Trump Trump.
Jesus, ask a question on a different topic already!
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Exactly. This is the second debate that is being made all about Trump.
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How can you actually sit through three hours of this live??? I’m a Republican, and I can’t even do that! I’m recording it, and I’ll fast-forward through it later, in small, manageable doses…
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I might give up early. For now, it’s fun as long as Cruz doesn’t enunciate.
And now he’s enunciating. Ice cream break!
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Trilogy:Stop interrupting me!
Brain: I don’t lick boots; that’s extra!
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Fiorina: ‘I’m an outsider!’
That’s because the people of California didn’t vote for you.
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Trump kept on talking about how he plays well with others. It’s not pre-K.
I just find it funny nobody’s mentioning Iran Contra.
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Bible preacher Huckabee: ‘Peace is not an option!’
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Huckabee: Godsplaining the Constitution to SCOTUS.
Why do prisoners have rights?
Bush: Bakers and florists!
Kasich: Planned Parenthood is history’s greatest killer! I will shut it down without shutting the government down
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It’s embarrassing that Huckabee is this ignorant of the Constitution.
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Cruz: Planned Parenthood = Alamo!
Christie: Hillary is history’s greatest monster! Taxes!
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A huge invasion of Syria would’ve really provided the stability necessary to prevent refugees from fleeing the country.
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Fiornia may be an incompetent executive but she’s an excellent debater. Killing it.
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Yes, she is very poised, self-assured, and direct. I’m unexpectedly impressed.
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If she doesn’t win the nomination, whoever wins would be making a mistake in not offering her the VP slot.
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CNN is utter trash with these gossip-rag level questions.
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CNN sucks. All they want is to create scandal and drama for their ratings. I can’t believe I’m saying it but Fox news did a better job organizing the first debate.
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Trump: I’m going to build a wall. Just like China did. It’ll be the largest classiest wall ever.
Christie: We will take DNA samples of everyone who enters.
Carson: The wall at the border sucks.
Bush: Leave Columba alone. I’m Reagan.
I wrote a book.
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I can’t believe they spent 5 minutes discussing Bush’s wife. Is that really an issue the whole country should care about?
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Rand nowhere to be seen. He doesn’t mind, though. He’s probably sold 10 pounds of gold during this debate so far.
1-800-GOLDLINE
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..while folding dollar bills to reveal Illuminati symbols.
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He is trying to get over Trump’s joke about his face.
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https://twitter.com/bijanstephen/status/644311492993654784
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Hey, you want to talk about hair?
Talk about separated at birth…
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Carson: bracero program the sequel!
Rubio: No family immigration: merit! (Never mind the generous Cuban immigration policy)
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Yet he keeps mentioning his mother, the barmaid, and seems unable to form a sentence without using his parents to score points.
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Has Kasich gone home? Where is he?
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Trump: Every US citizen born to illegal immigrants is going to be a deadbeat.
Fiorina: The Democrats didn’t want to solve immigration.
Paul: The 14th amendment author wasn’t taking about Mexicans
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No, he said that all children of immigrants remain babies in need of care for 85 years
Plus, just imagine that pregnant woman who at 9 months of pregnancy just strolls across the border to give birth. Has Trump ever seen pregnant women? On TV, maybe? Or is all he can do limited by fantasizing about banging his daughter?
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He’s got six children, and has been married three times. I can only assume surrogacy was used.
Clearly every person who crosses the border ages very slowly. The US Mexico border is the fountain of youth Ponce de Leon was looking for:
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Trump and Fiorina: You’re the worse CEO.
Christie : Children!
Kasich really wants to leave.
Kasich: Let’s talk about 15 years ago.
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“Illegal Scholars”
#GOP2016
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‘Educate the people!’
College dropout
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Who hates all teachers everywhere. Who’s going to educate people after he gets rid if educators?
What a tool.
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Fiorina bringing the crazy. ‘Hillary must tell the people how she did the BENGHAZI’.
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I fell asleep once they got to the email snooze fest.
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Bush: I’m not my daddy or my brother. I’m my mommy.
My pool of advisors is limited. The 1980s were safer.
Trump: I was the OG anti Iraq war guy.
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‘I AM MY OWN MAN’
said nobody who was his own man,
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The gentleman doth protest too much.
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‘My brother kept us safe’.
Except for that little thing called NINE FUCKING ELEVEN WHICH HE WAS WARNED ABOUT IN A FUCKING MEMO!
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And that other thing called the global economic crisis. We were completely safe from NOT stumbling into a huge recession.
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Perhaps the youngest voters will have no memory of this? Certainly many adults forget this.
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This is why I keep saying that “Bush got unemployment to 11% and Obama got it to 5%” should have been the mantra of the current presidency. If this had been a Republican achievement, we’d have heard about it every day.
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Rubio: Nothing ever gets done in the senate, so I don’t show up to do my job.
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I thought he was about to tell us that a dog ate his homework.
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Paul establishes he’s libertarian by approving of weed; Fiorina talks about losing a child. No sadness flickers across her face for even a second.
I’m falling asleep.
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I checked out when they started the weed debate.
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Fiorina’s kid did < a href=”http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/05/04/carly-fiorina-drug-addiction-shouldnt-be-criminalized/”>not OD on marijuana.
She abused alcohol and prescription drugs she got through her job as a pharmaceutical rep.
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Did she die?? The link doesn’t open.
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Fiorina’s step-daughter died of drug addiction, which she mentioned in the debate tonight.
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<a href=”< a href=”http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/05/04/carly-fiorina-drug-addiction-shouldnt-be-criminalized/”>Yes, she died of it and bulimia. It’s very sad.
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That is horrible.
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I honestly check out when debates on marijuana begin so I missed that part.
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Reading all these comments makes me VERY glad I didn’t watch the debate.
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I agree that my rendition is a lot more fun than the actual debate. I skipped all the really boring bits.
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Rubio: Climate change? Florida? (sticks fingers in ears and sings)
Christie: We don’t need the gov’t to deal with climate change! (Unless a hurricane strikes!)
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Trump is talking about autism. Somebody shoot me now.
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That was stunning.
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Rubio: Laws are useless because criminals don’t follow them anyway.
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Huckabee just made a dig at his wife of 40 years for not having her own money to spend. Sheesh, what a cheapskate.
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And Bush said that Thatcher was Reagan’s “partner”. What exactly was he trying to communicate?
I just imagined Reagan and Thatcher “partnering” and realized that the image is a potent libido-killer.
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For a certain type of young conservative with access to Livejournal/Tumblr, this activates rule 34.
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This is sort of unimportant. considering that he truly has no chance. But did anybody else think Huckabee sounded mentally unwell? All of his answers were non sequiters and so doddering sounding. His answer about supreme court justices was actually non nonsensical.
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That’s precisely what I’ve been thinking starting with the first debate. He sounds unsteady.
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Did the CNN moderators actually ask what woman should be on the $10 bill????
How about Hillary, so she’ll go away quietly?
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And Fiorina was deeply pathetic on the answer. I felt sorry for her.
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I really wish you hadn’t told me that. Now I’m going to interrupt watching “Law & Order” reruns have to search through my DVR for her answer.
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No, man, Law and Order is timeless. Nothing can ever be better. 🙂
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You’re right, at least the one-liners are better:
“What do a sperm cell and a lawyer have in common? Both have a one-percent chance of becoming a human being.”
“Why do doctors wear rubber gloves? So they don’t leave finger prints.”
Detective Lonnie Briscoe, looking down at a victim with his throat slit next to a pizza shop: “Well, at least, he got his slice.”
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I didn’t know the one about Briscoe. It’s genius. 🙂
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And on still another note, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, the Fox moderators were much better. These questions were terrible overall.
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Exactly. The moderators were horrible. The questions were idiotic.
I don’t think I will be watching any more Republican debates, at least not closely. This is starting to get repetitive.
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Yes. Me neither. Not with 15 candidates at least. I will watch if the field narrows to be perhaps 4- 5 candidates.
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