I was discussing immigration with somebody right now, and my interlocutor exclaimed, “But shouldn’t the refugees be grateful to Europeans? If they come to the EU to save their lives, they should feel grateful to those who welcome them!”
The answer is NO. No, no and no. That’s not how human beings work. The words “should” and “be grateful” go together as well as “must” and “love”.
A psychologically healthy individual will, above all, struggle to preserve the sense of self-worth. People need to see themselves as valuable and important. If you want somebody to lick your hand and look at you with devotion for a plate of food, get a dog.
The best way to engage with people is, instead of thinking of reasons they should be grateful to you, to concentrate on how you might be grateful to them. And after finding that sense of gratitude, ask yourself for how long it would exist if the other person began to expect and demand it. I’m betting not for long unless you have a strong masochistic streak.
Clarissa's Blog 
No, the hundreds of thousands of “asylum seekers” and refugees need not be grateful. But is it excessive to demand that they obey the laws and follow the cultural norms of their host nations? Should violations of laws and cultural norms be ignored in a failing effort to preserve diminishing popular support for multiculturalism?
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“But is it excessive to demand that they obey the laws and follow the cultural norms of their host nations?”
Absolutely not excessive but normal and desirable. But in order to do that, they need to be seen as equals who are kept to the same standards as everybody else. Of course, when one starts with “but that’s their culture” and “they are victims of oppression”, that’s not treating people like equals. That’s treating them like pathetic savages.
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