N and I continue developing our new hobby of watching YouTube videos by Russian immigrants*. One really interesting thing to observe in the videos are the ways in which the authors enact gender.
Male presenters are always tentative, apologetic, and qualify their statements with, “This is just my opinion,” “I can’t be entirely sure,” “Feel free to disagree,” “I might be totally wrong,” etc.
The female presenters are always very categorical and self-assured. They speak at a higher volume than the male presenters and use the word “I” in every sentence.
The funniest part of the videos is where the presenters answer the questions from the viewers. One female video maker just slaughtered with her earnest response to the question whether there might be certain groups of people who shouldn’t consider emigrating.
“Yes!” the woman announced. “There are immigrants who really annoy me. They must stop immigrating. I find them annoying and they shouldn’t come. I hate this type of person. I don’t want them here.”
The woman is in her fifties, by the way. It does not occur to her that the question wasn’t really about what she wants.
This shit is all learned, folks. There is nothing innate about it. Getting attached to this stuff and defending it as immutable and physiological is a waste of time.
* It’s immigrants and not regular Russians because immigrants are far less likely to unload mountains of Putinoid bullshit. And it’s not Ukrainians because N doesn’t understand a word.
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How does this relate to russian culture? Is it because the women have to take so much charge in the household and elsewhere because the men don’t have the same level of control / stresses / responsibilities due to the role of the state / communist / strongman control?
Very curious to hear! Sort of reminds me of stereotypes of latin american culture. Its interesting because men , in general, are much more domineering in western culture – US, Europe, Japan (so i guess i mean wealthy countries), but most developing worlds are much more openly hostile even viollent to women’s freedoms yet they seem to be more outspoken? Is that actually the cause? Because they have to fight backso hard in russia or latin america etc? I actually feel typing this out led to me figuring it out, but curious if you agree!
Btw, it is pretty much nothing to do with genetics, BUT definitely a ton to do with the broader culture. That I think we definitely agree on
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I wouldn’t say that Western men are domineering. But there is definitely a tendency among the women to self-infantilize and, what’s worse, to take their role seriously. Latin American women also self-infantilize but they are more likely to be conscious that it’s an act.
For women in my culture, if you are my age, then your mother, aunts, grandmother, great grandmother, and all of their female friends worked. And so it’s a lot easier to assert oneself in public spaces because you simply imitate what you know.
As for Russian-speaking men, so many of the fathers, grandfathers, uncles, etc were killed in the wars and the genocides that there’s nothing for them to imitate. All they know is the loud, domineering mother / grandmother / aunt and often no man at all to look up to and imitate.
As for why Western women so eagerly self-infantilize, my guess is that it’s nowhere as profitable to do that as it is in rich countries. People don’t tend to do things if there’s no benefit in it for them.
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Good points. To clarify on the last part, you are saying because women can marry into meaningful money and wealth here in US and maybe Europe vs pooer 2nd and 3rd world they are more self-infantillizing? I can buy that.
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Yes, if you have to fight for survival, adopting the fragile flower posture might be too costly. 🙂
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What do you think about the idea put forward by Judith Butler and others that even sexuality is performed?
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Yes, I believe that Freud was right in that in the pure, unmessed with state we’d all be happily bisexual. In my opinion, though, there is no need to search for the unattainable pure state of sexuality or gender. For as long as one is happy and does what feels right, it’s all good.
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To some degree you are talking about how sexuality is a result of culture right? One obvious examplle seems to be how women are much easier to say they are lesbian / bi than it is for men to do stereotypes (see kanye’s strong denial of amber rose’s finger in the butt comments)
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Culture, family, history, etc.
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“The woman is in her fifties, by the way. It does not occur to her that the question wasn’t really about what she wants. ”
I assume it’s safe to assume she never describes which kind of immigrant she means beyond “annoys me”. That’s very helpful.
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It sounded like she disliked the people who are not exactly like her.
Well, at least, she didn’t claim to hate self-involved and narcissistic people. 🙂
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