Do you know what the first thing is people ask you when they suspect or find out you are pregnant?
No, it’s not “Is it a boy or a girl?” or “When is the due date?”
I wish.
No, the actual question people ask relentlessly is “Is it your first?” And if you pretend not to hear or change the subject, they persist.
And it’s not like you can say “no” and expect the discussion to end there. Because then people start asking “So where is your first child?” Answering “At the cemetery” is cruel but what can one do?
Of course, nobody is doing this to be hurtful but it’s still harsh.
Clarissa's Blog 
People don’t think. This is why “Don’t ask personal questions” used to be a social rule. I wish it still were. I’m sorry.
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I am sorry…
I think what most people want to know is if you are an experienced mother or a new one, because if you are a new one, they switch into unsolicited-advice-giving mode (which may be totally annoying, too) or joyful reminiscing about their own days of early motherhood. I had an extraordinary number of questions “Is this your first?” with my 3rd child, from people (many mothers of toddlers themselves) who I could tell were gearing up for giving advice on their recent and hard-earned baby-rearing wisdom, only to fall visibly disappointed when the answer was, “No. Actually, it’s my third.”
But your situation is different and I really have no idea what one says in that case. I think it’s okay to say it’s your first take-home baby or something along the lines (I hear people who have had miscarriages use that term.) Or simply say that you are a new parent. Or even say that it is your first; with most passing interactions, who cares what the other person thinks or if they actually have an accurate account of your parenting history.
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That’s terrible. I know I have asked that question of parents unthinkingly. You have made me realize what a terrible question that is to ask. I’m sorry. 😦
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😦
That’s why I always wait for people to volunteer information. Xykademiqz’s suggestions are good. I know this question is hard for you no matter how you choose to answer it.
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Some people asking the question may be hoping that you have older children about the same age/gender as any older children they have, because they are looking to set up possible playdate friendships. I like the term ‘first take home baby’ but suspect it would often need further clarification.
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Yes, “take home baby” could be a good way to put it. I didn’t think of it myself.
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I’ve learned my lesson on this sort of question, because you never know people’s history and how uncomfortable they could be answering a question that could bring up painful memories. Now, when I see an obviously pregnant person and feel compelled to make a comment, I usually say something like, “Aw! I love babies.” It’s true. I do love them. If the mom wants to say more, I follow her lead.
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