Today at work people were greeting me with, “You are a good mother! Being here does not make you a bad mother!”
This was helpful and very welcome because I already started asking N things like whether it would be immoral for me to go to the gym while Klara is at the day care. Of course, he says no, but what else can he say? He is terrified that I’ll get diabetes, so he can’t be against me going to the gym.
Clarissa's Blog 
May be, thinking that Klara needs a diabetes-free, rested (in a gym) mother will help alleviate the feelings of guilt?
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I can easily feel guilty on several accounts simultaneously. 😄
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Having a life outside of your child is very healthy. It will help you be healthier and happier, and all children would rather have a healthy, happy parent than a not healthy, resentful parent. Believe me. I grew up with a resentful mother who frequently told us how much she resented that we were holding her back. I still deal with that shit.
I have lots of things that I’ve done without my kids. We are very loving to each other, but they also know that their lives are their own and my life is my own. We have lots of together time, and some separate time. That made going to Europe for 16 days without them possible. It was nice for me to feel like we’d had a relationship that allowed for all of us to have a life. I’m hoping that will help them be more independent than many of my students who can’t live without texting their parents between their classes every day.
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What a great comment! Thank you for writing this. I know I’ll get to a more rational place about this soon.
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I was going to make essentially the same comment as Fie: “Having a life outside your child is very healthy”. And double healthy if that life includes going to the gym!
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Its not only that working doesn’t make you a BAD mother: working can help make you a GOOD mother, and a good daycare can help your child thrive, grow, and develop (especially in terms of socialization) in ways hard to match at home.
Go to the gym – feel guilty the entire time if you must, but go!
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It’s true, they are teaching her to crawl at the daycare and doing a much better job than I did. They are trying very hard to alleviate my suffering. For instance, they email photos of Klara smiling throughout the day.
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Have you seen this article: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/24/having-a-working-mother-works-for-daughters ? The gist is that studies show that having a working mother is beneficial for children. I totally believe this. My own mother worked full time while also running her own business throughout my childhood, and she set a great example of hard work and motivation for me.
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