All the Choices

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All the Choices

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Clarissa

August 25, 2016

She gets paid 78 cents to a man’s dollar because she chose a lower paying profession.

She didn’t get tenure because she chose to concentrate on anything but research.

She has sex with hundreds of men she finds repulsive because that’s her career choice.

She didn’t go for a promotion because she chose to be the primary caretaker for the children.

She quit her job to take care of her Alzheimer mother because she chose to let her brother concentrate on his PhD.

She gets hit in the face because it’s her choice to be in that relationship.

She lies on a beach in a burqa because that’s her fashion choice.

Isn’t it great to have all these choices?

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11 responses to “All the Choices”

Evelina Anville

August 25, 2016

I personally find the idea that women need to remain covered-up at all times and that they can never truly fill the joy of salt water on their bodies repugnant. But I am against burkini bans because I think excessive policing of clothing leads to unintended and difficult consequences.

For instance, in my home town, sometimes you can see entire families swimming in the ocean wearing street clothes: t-shirts, shorts, sometimes even jeans. Judging by other “class markers,” it seems pretty clear that this decision is financial (bathing suits can get expensive.) If there were a “burkini ban,” would this be allowed? I have one friend whose skin is very very sensitive to sunlight and she usually spends time at in beach in a full wetsuit and large hat. Is that allowable? I have another friend who wears a very modest bathing suit to the beach (the kind that look similar to a dress.) She doesn’t do this for religious reasons (she’s actually an atheist) but because she’s not terribly comfortable with how her body looks. Is her modest bathing suit allowable? I just don’t think it makes sense to parse what people wear to the beach.

In some ways, it’s sort of similar to women who change their last names upon marrying. I personally find it extremely problematic and it actually depresses me when women do that. But I don’t think it should be illegal because, again, it could lead to all sorts of bizarre consequences.

This is a long way of saying that someone can find burkinis problematic (as I do) but not support burkni bans.

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1. Stringer Bell
  
  August 25, 2016
  
  Your application to the Male Solidarity Team is accepted. 🙂
  
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2. Clarissa
  
  August 25, 2016
  
  I personally care a lot less about the ban that takes place very far from me and will be canceled within a few months than about the multitude of extremely enraged and I’d even say vicious male voices who rip into one angrily if one even makes a peep on this subject. I’m interested in this phenomenon because I believe that these men are motivated by things they don’t dare confess to themselves.
  
  The other day, some excitable gentleman on Facebook started barking on me that I should be ashamed of demanding safe spaces and of stating that seeing Muslims was intolerable to me. Obviously, I never said any such thing or never even expressed support for the ban. The fellow’s rage was coming from a place that he didn’t even want to acknowledge to himself.
  
  It’s really, really interesting that never, not once, not for a second did I see all these men on my Facebook and blog roll exhibit even an ounce of this passion when the subjects of Planned Parenthood, parental leave, equal pay, violence against women, etc came up. And now they all suddenly are aflame.
  
  We don’t get to live around burkinis, thank God. But we do get to live around these men.
  
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  1. Shakti
    
    August 25, 2016
    
    It’s really, really interesting that never, not once, not for a second did I see all these men on my Facebook and blog roll exhibit even an ounce of this passion when the subjects of Planned Parenthood, parental leave, equal pay, violence against women, etc came up. And now they all suddenly are aflame.
    
    All of those subjects these men are silent on required them to either change their attitudes or sacrifice something.
    
    Burkinis or bikinis; it doesn’t matter. Neither challenge the idea that women are responsible for managing the male gaze or that men need to mature beyond the first stirrings of puberty.
    
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    1. Clarissa
      
      August 25, 2016
      
      Oh yes, absolutely. It’s an easy way to feel feminist and progressive while doing nothing whatsoever for feminism or progress.
      
      I was especially disgusted when I saw a man rant against the abusive burkini ban whom I know for a fact to be abusive (not physically but in every other sense) to his own three daughters (and 4 ex-wives.)
      
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Spiderbaby

August 25, 2016

I must confess, the burquini wouldn’t bother me if it were a matter of general modesty and not confined to women only. All in all, it’s kind of like a scuba suit. But do muslim men have to cover up the same way?
Many women I know say the burquini is fine since it doesn’t cover the face and helps integration because it allows muslim women to enjoy going to the beach.
I don’t think forbidding the burquini would do much good to muslim women, it may even ignite resentment, but I can’t ignore the fact that it came out of a deeply patriarchal mentality.
This “it’s her choice” thing is great… if you like to take things out of their context.

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1. Clarissa
  
  August 25, 2016
  
  “This “it’s her choice” thing is great… if you like to take things out of their context.”
  
  That’s precisely what I wanted to discuss. The concept of choice has been turned around and is now being used against women. It was “my body, my choice”, but now it’s “your low salary, etc is your choice.”
  
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  1. Stringer Bell
    
    August 25, 2016
    
    A cousin of mine has been arguing for ‘choice feminism’. She thinks nothing wrong with dropping out of the work force to have children and ‘take care of them properly’ as long as it’s her choice. Ugh ugh ugh.
    
    I hit her with a dozen posts from your blog. She’s now reconsidering. Not out of the woods yet, but I’m hopeful!
    
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    1. xykademiqz
      
      August 25, 2016
      
      Oh god, third-wave “choice” feminism. Don’t even get me started.
      
      Some women want to have it both ways — to take advantage of being a complacent participant in the patriarchy, but also to reap benefits of a lot of hard work that real feminists have done. Whatever, but IMHO then they don’t get to call themselves feminists. You can go be claimed as a dependent on your husband tax return, but you do not get to call yourself a feminist. Economic equality is the prerequisite for all other forms of equality.
      
      As for “caring for kids properly.” My kids all went to daycare from a few months old. You will not find kids who are more affectionate, happy, and relaxed than mine, and who are also high achievers and socially well adjusted. I actually thank good-quality child care for much of my kids’ awesomeness.
      
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    2. Shakti
      
      August 25, 2016
      
      She thinks nothing wrong with dropping out of the work force to have children and ‘take care of them properly’ as long as it’s her choice.
      
      Never mind “choice”. I spent two days hanging out with my cousin’s baby a couple of years ago and as perfectly adorable and easy as she was I was so bored. Also my other cousin decided to regale us last weekend with tales of her toddler’s preschool “romance” (the kid is oblivious). They both work, so I can’t imagine years of complete absorption in their kids. She’s going to be bored out of her skull.
      
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      1. Clarissa
        
        August 25, 2016
        
        I wouldn’t say it’s boring. To me it’s exhausting. The difficult part is that anything I do will be interrupted. Brushing my teeth, making a cup of coffee, writing an email – everything, no matter how tiny, will be interrupted. And I’m lucky, I have a very easy baby who never even cries. But the constant interruptions are hard. At the end of the day, I’m exhausted even though I’ve done nothing. Even doing a load of laundry becomes a huge achievement.
        
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