I’m so sick it’s scary. I met a colleague before class and tried talking to him in Spanish but it was useless. Nothing but a weird jumble was coming out.
Still, the moment I entered the classroom, perfect Spanish started pouring out of me. It’s like a switch was flipped. Then, I left the classroom and again everything was in a fog.
Clarissa's Blog 
Wish you well. Hope it passes soon.
How do you prevent yourself from infecting Klara? Does N take care of her? Do you wear some kind of a nose and mouth cover when near Klara? Марля \ Cheesecloth?
I know in Israel such masks are sold in pharmacies. May be, you can buy it in America too, for present and future use.
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Problem is, once the symptoms come in, it’s too late. Infections are passed to others before there are any symptoms. I hope I didn’t give it to her but we will know for sure in the next couple of days.
She feels that something is wrong with me and wants me to hold her close to myself at all times. I got no sleep tonight because she needed a lot of comforting and much more feeding than usual. Right now she is at the daycare which is good because I’m no use for her at this moment.
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And the mask is problematic because it freaks out the baby. Even when I slightly changed my hair color she was not happy. And this morning I couldn’t talk because I had no voice, and she was so sad! Then I had some lozenges and my voice came back, and she was so happy! It almost made me cry.
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\Problem is, once the symptoms come in, it’s too late.
I am unsure it’s always true, espicially if you hold her close at all times.
May be, you gave her X microbes and her immune system was strong enough to beat them, but now you keep sending new microbes to her via close interaction and it may prove too much microbes not to get ill from.
A doctor is reading your blog and I hope he answers.
In my family, for an ill person to keep away from others (even adults) has always been common sense sort of thing.
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Yeah, I know. But she is little and she wants her Mamma. Imagine the story she will one day tell the analyst: Mamma loved me and held me close but then suddenly she distanced herself and wouldn’t come near me.
You can tell I’m unwell from these weird fantasies.
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My personal opinion is that the best thing for a baby is not to become ill. And it’s the best thing for you and N too.
If N was ill, he would not interact with her, right? So now you are ill. Why an ill father can distance himself to protect a baby, but a mother can not?
I would have bought a mask. Getting freaked out for a short while is better than becoming ill. If you, an adult, feel so bad, how will a small baby feel?
Also, what if she becomes ill and can not go to the daycare? Or/and infects other children there?
This is all personal opinion, of course. I did not want to sound preachy, but am unsure how to word it better. It’s also my childhood training of keeping away from others, especially children, when ill, even if illness is not serious.
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Great observations!
By the way here is a great link on the different roles mother and father play in an infant’s life: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10206906069080771&id=1549036232
Good, long and in Russian.
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I have the same teacher phenomenon – I can be in too much pain to easily stand up, and still able to teach a class. I think its a combination of knowing I have a responsibility to these people, and that is one heck of a motivator, and also a time limit kind of a thing – if I know it will be over, I can usually (though not always) make it happen. I won’t be at all functional after though… Hope you feel better soon!
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This isn’t necessarily true. You can still infect other people, including your baby and the students / fellow faculty.
El is right that the best thing for a baby is not to get sick. Klara is better off being unhappy about a bit less attention from her mother than getting ill. (Believe me, she WON’T remember that “neglect” thirty years from now if she ever needs an analyst!)
You didn’t ask for my medical advice, but I’d use common sense and limit close contact with Klara while you’re acutely ill. (Once again: She WON’T be traumatized for life — that’s your issue, not hers.) Try not to infect your school contacts, either.
I don’t recommend a face mask at home, but be careful not to breathe in her face, leave the room when you have to cough or sneeze, and wash your hands before you touch her.
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I’m trying to do all of these things! And I’m glad that the facial veil can come off because it’s super stuffy under it.
If I don’t get better by tomorrow, I’ll take the little one to daycare to limit contact with me.
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Sleep, Clarissa (as much as you can anyways). You never make these numbers of autocorrect errors, so you must feel quite out of it.
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Wow, I didn’t even notice.
Yes, I’m very woozy.
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