Let’s face it, I will never hang out with people because they are “useful”, try to inflict myself upon anybody’s notice, or flatter people to make them notice me. Networking is contrary to human dignity, and so who needs it at the price of debasing oneself?
My method of networking is very different but it works a lot better. Example. Yesterday I was moderating one of the last sessions of the conference. Everybody came to the session: the lifetime achievement laureate, the president of the association, my editor, etc. During the question session, I made a comment that I knew everybody would disagree with. My comment was witty, and everybody laughed in spite of themselves. But everyone disagreed and started piling on me. I live for this kind of shit. I love to have a large group disagree with me.
So everybody was attacking my position, and I was defending it, and it was lots of fun. And then the session ended.
There is no doubt that everybody who was there will now remember me. At the next conference, everybody will be my bosom buddy because people like recognition. Mission accomplished with no humiliating need to chase after people.
I never approach people at all, by the way. I let them approach me.
Clarissa's Blog 
But everyone disagreed and started piling on me. I live for this kind of shit. I love to have a large group disagree with me.
This is very cool and kudos to you.
I don’t think I could ever pull it off, I am too much of a sucker for external approval, so when I say something wrong or stupid, I feel it in the pit of my stomach for ages.
In my field, perhaps because there are so few women, I fear that every time I open my mouth I am in danger of being perceived as an airhead, which makes me speak less rather than more. However, the fact that there are so few women makes those who are present stand out by default — if they are not perceived as grad students or postdocs or otherwise as being of no consequence… sigh
I do agree that networking, the way many people preach it, is contrary to dignity. I personally do not “target schmooze” (where people go bug those they perceive useful and ignore everyone they consider useless) but simply try to make connections as they present themselves. I generally like to be one to “start a table” at lunch or dinner (I am the first to sit at an empty one), and I am both happy to be completely left alone or to chat with whoever sits next to me.
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What I said wasn’t stupid, though. I’m right and they are wrong. 😆
I do the same thing with starting a table. 😉😉😉
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Now I’m curious, what did you say?
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This: https://clarissasblog.com/2015/09/29/book-notes-the-sleeping-voice-by-dulce-chacon/
I actually consulted the blog post to remind myself of the details before speaking. 😆😆😆
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Good thing Dulce wasn’t a surprise guest of the conference. Your description makes it sound a bit like a longer libro de bolsillo by Corin Tellado…
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That’s exactly what it is. It’s a saccharine, sentimental novela rosa.
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Great post! I tweeted it.
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“Networking is contrary to human dignity, and so who needs it at the price of debasing oneself?”
How so? At it’s simplest it’s just gettingto know people in your field (broadly speaking). Some people fetishize it or use it in gross ways but going to social events and talking to people is just normal social contacts.
“I let them approach me”
Said the spider of the flies…..
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Getting to know is great. But getting to know because they might be useful – that sucks.
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Sure–getting to know people because they might be useful sucks. But so does refraining from getting to know people because you’re convinced they won’t want to know you, or because you’ve been told it will make you seem like a suck-up, or because you fear it’s a sign of weakness also sucks.
I spend a lot of time these days coaching undergraduates who have no plans to go on to a career in academia (or who want to work for a few years before going to some kind of grad school), and some of the best of them benefit from encouragement to be more outgoing. For students who don’t come from professional families with extensive contacts, reaching out to others is a way to get the mentoring and advice that they would not have otherwise. Alumni, work supervisors, professors, people who love their jobs and want to encourage young people to do the same things, etc. are often to eager to help students. Those who already are used to getting help know this and draw on these resources without thinking about it; others can be taught it.
“I never approach people at all, by the way. I let them approach me.” If everyone adopted this method of networking, networking wouldn’t happen. Someone has to do the reaching out. Yes, it can be stupidly manipulative and opportunistic, and a waste of time better devoted to just doing good work–but it doesn’t have to be.
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I’m not insisting that everybody should be exactly like me. That would be no fun at all, plus it would mean no readers for my blog. This is the persona I choose to cultivate. And I accept all of the consequences of that.
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Some networking groups stress the need to build relationships, not just meet people. However, building name recognition (a “personal brand”) is an important first step and this is an awesome way to do it.
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