No Hope

I finally read the article that started the age difference discussion and oh, lordy. The author is dumber than a sack of hair. I’d love to be able to blame it on her age but I fear there’s no hope of one’s brain growing when there isn’t one to begin with.

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12 thoughts on “No Hope”

  1. I know a woman in her mid thirties who married a man twenty one years older than she is. I think the biggest risk is that she may spend a lot of years as a widow.

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      1. I think that was the reasoning for some women in the olden days when the only time a woman could control her own property was if she was a widow.

        It’s not as if older men- younger women is uncommon. Think of all the women who died in childbirth! Of course, older men often came with children. I’m guessing it wasn’t always harmonious, otherwise “wicked stepmother” wouldn’t be a fairy tale trope.

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        1. Women seem to enjoy widowhood while men seem to whither. Social life in old age ythe difference between living and dying, literally. And if the wife is no longer there, who will organise and maintain the social life?

          I know one adult man who can do that for himself but that’s about it.

          It’s weird because when people are young, they all manage to do it very well for themselves. But then for men the skill atrophies.

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          1. And what’s funny is that these days men who are 30, 40, 50 are no longer helpless around the house and with kids. When I come back from a conference, the house is cleaner than when N leaves. I know women who go away for work or pleasure and leave the husband with 2, 3, 4 kids, and everything is great. The kids are fed, the house is clean, nobody falls to pieces. But in terms of the social life, the helplessness is like we back in 1918.

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            1. It’s weird because when people are young, they all manage to do it very well for themselves. But then for men the skill atrophies. But in terms of the social life, the helplessness is like we back in 1918.

              Why is that?

              I’ve had men tell me they outright expect me to supply a support system. Um, ok. I’m not the one. I remember more shit about relatives and acquaintances than my dad or brother does. (Little cousin A cannot eat stone fruits. Acquaintance B is highly strung. etc. Classmate is a Nuyorican.) How the hell does that work?

              (Seriously, if you could see me, how the hell does that even make sense? I’m baffled. )

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  2. Anybody that feels compelled to write an essay taking a strong view on age differences is self interested (pro/con doesn’t really matter).* Multiple essays/posts indicate extreme defensiveness. ** “You are doing feminism wrong because you do not smile on my life choices with 100% approval, waitress!”

    Using The Bachelor to frame any such discussion is vapid in the extreme. As if anyone with self respect, maturity or real options would throw themselves into a public cattle call for someone’s dubious affections on a third party’s terms.

    *Takes I’ve seen:
    “You’re doing feminism wrong if there is an age gap between you and your partner. Therefore I’m not dating anyone who’s a day younger.” (feminist dude, mid 20s)
    “You’re doing feminism wrong if there’s a significant age gap between you and your partner.” (various)
    “You’re doing dating wrong if there isn’t a significant age gap between you and your spouse but you have to be older. If she’s mastered object permanence before you, it’s so wrong.” (Biblical)
    “Oh my god he is so much younger than you.” (My mother when the man was six months younger.)
    “I’m so grossed out when these women who are three years younger message the profile I’ve set up for your brother. (My mother.)
    “When I get older I will be rich and I will be able to date the 18-25 year olds who sneered at me when I was younger because they will hit the wall at 29 with their fupas.” (Red Pill, various.)

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    1. Also this part:

      “True feminism demands that, rather than relegating young women to sexy red flags, we trust and believe them. That means allowing them to choose their partners regardless of race, gender, ability, sexuality, and, yes, age. Mandating equations for how big an age difference can exist for couples (I’ve heard “half your age + 7 years” quoted as a way to find the minimum age for one’s romantic and sexual partners) serves to create a separate category of agency for women who date older men. And that category means not viewing these women as full adults. It means not trusting the choices of young women. It means telling them:”

      Who is doing all this mandating, telling and not trusting the choices? The folks who watch Bachelor and tweet about it? And a reasonable adult person notices and thinks she has to defend her marriage against these opinions? This is worse than adolescent. This is middle school stuff.

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  3. My parents were 20 years apart. My dad was so active, sporty and adventurous while my mom is more cautious. Although my dad did die at 78 when my mom was 58, so that sucks.
    I asked my mom about this and she says she wouldn’t change it. That marrying my dad was the best choice she made in her life and they had 33 years of marriage. She dated younger guys but she clicked with my dad in a way that didn’t happen with the other guys. They got a lot of raised eyebrows and they couldn’t care less.
    And, my dad always said the #1 thing that got his attention was her intelligence and strong character. So he wasn’t into younger airheads. And she always worked, so she wasn’t looking for a guy to maintain her. And they both worked on house chores, although thanks to my mom training him. But he was willing to change his ways, which I particularly admire.

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  4. ?? Hey, you never heard that old Russian joke:

    My great Uncle Boris told me he wants to marry a 20-year-old peasant girl. I reminded him that he’s 60, and in 20 years he’ll be 80 and the girl will be 40.

    So I asked him what he’s going to do then? He said, “Well, I’ll just have to go out and replace her with another 20 year old.”

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    1. “you never heard that old Russian joke”

      The version I heard wasn’t necessarily Russian and involved a 90 year old guy marrying an 18 year old

      Doctor: You do realize sex could be fatal?

      Man: That’s just a chance she’ll have to take…

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