Another phrase that makes me feel the desire to get violent is, “they loved you the way they knew how.” Are people saying it maliciously because they know it’s going to wound, or are they that dumb?
The Russian language is very rich in offensive slang, so it’s next to impossible to recreate this in English, but there is a great expression to refer to the folks who want to stuff their positive thinking down your throat in the most inappropriate moments. We call them radiant pussy blowers.
Clarissa's Blog 
“radiant pussy blowers.”
I can understand you not wanting that on the front page, but what is it?
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The expression? In Russian it’s лучезарная пиздодуйка. It’s very rude, so you don’t say it to people. Just about them.
It can also be male if one needs it to.
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That’s hilarious!
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Please do not use this expression in the letters to your Russian family members. 🙂 It’s extremely rude. Although in the Russian artistic circles, everybody speaks in this humongously offensive slang all the time. So if they are middle-class, do not use it. But if they are the elites, then it’s OK.
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“Please do not use this expression”
So… what you’re saying is… I should greet Russian speaking colleagues with “Hallo! лучезарная пиздодуйкo!”* and when they compliment me on my exquisite manners mention that I learned the expression from a Ukrainian. Got it!
*I Polonized it by using the vocative ending
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I can’t even imagine how to say it in Ukrainian. Ukrainian slang is very monotonous and obsessed with excretion.
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I’d never dare — I don’t know them anywhere near well enough to, and they’re middle class, and I don’t speak Russian & don’t try ! ! !
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If abusive people loved anyone they way they love themselves, they probably wouldn’t be very abusive at all.
But yes, forgiving and forgetting is pointless if the entirety of your relationship requires you to be constantly forgetting and forgiving like a cross between a goldfish and a golden retriever.
And people who take up the cause of the party who has wronged you are exhausting in the worst way. “I’m sure they’re sorry” you don’t know them. “It’s terrible when families fall apart” you like families, take mine for your formative years and see how that turns out. “Christians are supposed to forgive each other” they’re also supposed to admit fault and ask for forgiveness, and be kind to each other?
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I really hate the “Jesus said we shouldn’t judge” phrase that is ubiquitous among folks from my culture. Actually, the original idea is not to judge unless you are prepared to be judged. And I’m completely prepared to be judged according to the exact same standards I use for judging others.
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Another phrase that makes me feel the desire to get violent is, “they loved you the way they knew how.”
It’s a very therapised way of speaking with religious subtones.
It’s great for never confronting the damage your upbringing might have done to you, especially if it’s emotional or financial abuse.
My grandfather managed to frustrate the career ambitions of at least three out of four of his daughters. “But he did it out of love.”
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