Leland Doesn’t Remember

I wasn’t at any party 40 or 30 years ago for obvious reasons. I wasn’t even at any 20 years ago.

But 10 years ago I was. And I don’t have the slightest idea of who was where doing what at those parties. It would be bizarre if I did. And parties where alcohol is involved? People are lucky if they remember their own names.

And what can the question even be? “You were once at a party nobody knows for sure when or where. Can you tell us what people did when you weren’t present?”

All of this confirms my belief that Blasey Ford is not lying about the assault. She clearly has an irrationally exaggerated view of the importance of that party. She doesn’t seem to understand that for everybody else it was one in a gazillion parties that they don’t remember.

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16 thoughts on “Leland Doesn’t Remember”

  1. I have no trouble believing that something traumatic happened to her at a party, I’m just skeptical about recognizing a person (did she know him before or after?) 30 years later on TV…

    And it’s not like there’ve been people lining up with similar stories which is what usually happens when there’s blood in the air…. so in those terms this is thin soup. But it’s not about that for the dems, so their best bet is to keep her in the public light without actually testifying for as long as possible, maybe hiking to Washington by way of Viedma…

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  2. But, were you normally raped at parties, or did you normally have to fend it off? I wasn’t and I don’t know anyone who was (i.e. they have not said so), but if it had, it would have been a big thing. But many women say this happened to them at all parties, that it is a normal way for men to act, that they thought that was what women put up with, and did not / do not question it. I understand them because there are things I have been raised to put up with that are actually fairly outrageous, and I was certainly not raised to think sex was something I would do for reasons of my own (unless the reason were to get pregnant, in the context of marriage) – the reason to do that would be that it was the socially correct thing to do, or the action that would create the least ruckus. STILL I find it odd that there really this many rapes happening at parties, that it is such a normal experience for most people — which is what seems to be implied by these it’s-no-big-deal arguments. AND I guess that is why so many didn’t or don’t let their daughters go to parties, etc.

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    1. That is to say: I know that at frat parties you are in danger, yes. SOME parties. Still I don’t think that makes it normal / no big deal / nothing to be upset about. I can also totally see remembering an event but not the exact address. This very computer was repaired on an upper floor of an office building on Rambla de Catalunya, pretty far up into Gràcia, about as far up as you can go on that street, near a major intersection with I don’t remember exactly what boulevard. I remember exactly what the offices looked like, who I talked to, what we talked about besides the computer, and I would recognize them. Yet I can’t recite the address or the name of the company. Ridicule me now for not remembering all details. Tell me I must never have been to the place, that I am inventing the whole thing. Ask me whether this really is the same computer. Imply that if I do not remember the name of the cross street, I probably do not remember whether this is the same computer or not.

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      1. What gets me about the story is that these are very wealthy people. And in almost 40 years, she didn’t find a way to heal the trauma? Forty years? You could hire a team of specialists to help you many times over.

        This is not to say it didn’t happen. Judging by the utter indifference of her parents to the situation, these are rich but extremely unaware, unintelligent people. Who obviously don’t deserve to be assaulted.

        But the reality of letting it fester for 36 years and letting it get this sore is incomprehensible to me. And the best part, this is not a cashier from 7/11. This is a psychologist. If a psychologist with a ton of fancy degrees can’t figure out that you need to seek help for something that bothers you this much decades later, what chance does anybody else have?

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        1. A friend, a fairly well-known medievalist, just told me she was raped at 14. She didn’t report because the perpetrator had a reputation to uphold and she sensed she would not be believed. Therapy was harmful because it focused on the idea that she must have wanted this to happen. It took a long time to become someone who could just say yes, this happened to me. And no, having money did not help and may not even be the key – having someone believe you, not blame you, etc., someone who will act on your behalf or support you in doing so, is what helps

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          1. Obviously, a family that lets a 15-year-child go to drunken parties and then doesn’t notice she was assaulted is not the kind of a family that will teach a child to take her own trauma seriously.

            Problem is, if Kavanaugh doesn’t get appointed, it will do nothing whatsoever to mitigate the enormous betrayal of the family.

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            1. The issue is the entire culture. It is not as though this were some freak occurrence. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been believed on something like this and would also have wanted to keep my parents out of it, their attitudes around sex were too weird and I’d have had them looking at me like damaged goods forever, unable to think about anything else. They also would have really forced me to a small private college then, because they thought these were safer (actually you are being locked up with more Kavanaugh types), and I’d never have gotten to go to the university or into any other kind of environment where I would have escape routes, resources to protect myself. The injury would only have been compounded, in other words. And this situation is common, not uncommon. People are talking about it because it is past time to say it is the girl’s or victim’s fault, it isn’t that bad, everyone does it, or it is otherwise all right. Normalizing Kavanaugh is normalizing the situation. Remember “the type of girl whose name is on the bathroom walls?” In HS we thought those were the fast girls, but how many of them do you think were, in reality, repeat rape victims?

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              1. I would be very glad if this took us all in the direction of discussing the culture. Chances that anybody would prove anything definitively about this assault are extremely low. But it could serve a larger purpose of talking about the culture that creates and compounds the issue.

                That’s not going to happen, though, because God forbid we depart from the dogma of individuals freely choosing everything that happens to them.

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    2. Many people think that if either or both participants of a sex act had any alcohol, it means they were both raped. By each other. So based on this definition, yes, it’s ubiquitous. But if you don’t accept this definition, it’s a lot less ubiquitous. I have to accept it because our sexual harassment training requires me to.

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      1. But that’s ridiculous, and you’re taking your sexual harassment training far too literally. She was pinned down and nearly suffocated, and had to fight her way free.

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  3. I doubt Ford expects others to remember the party (outside maybe Kavanaugh and Judge). At least her lawyer has said basically the same thing – of course no one remembers a party where nothing of particular note happened to them. If someone tried to assault you on the other hand…

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      1. Honestly, depending on how scummy Kavanugh and Judge really are, assaulting some girl may not be particularly noteworthy to them either, and they may not remember it specifically… We’ll see what this rumored 3rd accuser has to say. This may be the early stages of the snowball effect that frequently happens when victims go public.

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