Getting Ready for a Movie Visit

I have to fulfill the movie resolution and watch something in a theater this month. One thing I’m absolutely opposed to watching is Little Women. I hate it when 21-century women are stuck into period pieces. I also hate the Oprahesque swooning about how lucky we all are in comparison with those poor bastards from the past. We are but, God, it’s such a boring, shallow idea that’s been expressed a million times already.

The original book was pathetic enough. Judging from reviews, the movie is much worse.

The rest of the movies on offer I never heard of. Maybe they are just as bad but at least it’s not a predictable bad.

Are theaters open tomorrow? Can people bring their own food?

13 thoughts on “Getting Ready for a Movie Visit”

  1. Theaters are ALWAYS open on national holidays. You’re not supposed to bring your own food, but there’s nothing to stop you so long as you’re reasonably discrete about it.

    I think I figured out which theater you’d go to, and here’s my assessment of your options:

    1917: sounds like a lot of narrative coherence and depth got sacrificed to the conceit of making it appear a single shot, so if you’re not interested in the cinematic gimmicry it may be a little thin. Also, it mostly appears to be set on a battlefield, which I find boring but YMMV.

    Knives Out: saw this. Plot you can drive a coach and horses through, but there are some fun comic performances and some downright bizarre ones (not sure what’s up with Daniel Craig’s accent). You might find it unpleasantly politically didactic in parts.

    Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker: I really don’t see the appeal of the Star Wars movies. I was blown away back in the day when no one had seen anything like them and I was a wee sprout, but adult me just gets bored. All the worst features of action movies and none of the levity or wit that can make the occasional Marvel movie watchable. But then, I loved Little Women, so I may not be your best guide, here.

    Underwater: nope, nope, nope. Trapped 7 miles below the ocean surface with this entirely predictable plot and the overrated Kristin Stewart? Nope.

    Just Mercy: Probably has some heft to it, but also a fair dose of self-congratulatory ponderousness. I’d have to look at the reviews.

    Dolittle: lots of CGI animals. Meh.

    Bad Boys for Life: I haven’t seen a million trailers for this one (unlike most of these others), so I’d have to check the reviews. I don’t hold out high hopes as the two leads are highly talented individuals with a track record of hackery, but you never know.

    Like a Boss: awesome cast, so I had a look at the reviews myself on this one, and they were terrible, which is too bad.

    Looks like your theater chain does the occasional revival, which TODAY is An American in Paris. Frankly, if it were me, I’d take that over all the new movies on offer, but that may not fit your plan.

    There are some better movies out at the moment, so if you’re willing to drive to STL, you may have better options: Parasite, Jojo Rabbit. Not Bombshell — Charlize Theron’s ability to channel Megyn Kelly is mind-blowing, but other than that the movie doesn’t have much to offer.

    Hope that helps!

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    1. “which TODAY is An American in Paris”

      WATCH THIS! WATCH THIS! WATCH THIS!

      The plot is not… much but it has Gershwin music and an iconic dance sequence that lasts 17 minutes! And Gershwin (a quintessentially American composer).

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        1. “I can watch it at home for my at home selection”

          No. If it were available in the movie I’d say totally see it, but for home there are other, more essential, old movies (Casablanca, Now Voyager, Going my way, Notorious, Citizen Kane, Magnificent Ambersons, Gaslight, Maltese Falcon etc.)

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            1. “Magnificent Ambersons is a movie!!”

              It’s very good, but…. the studio hated Orson Welles’ version and cut/destroyed a lot of it so it’s a little lopsided and only gives a hint at what it might have been. Supposedly it could have been better than Citizen Kane (most influential hollywood movie of the 1940s) but…. it’s not. Very good, but…

              The single most impressive part is Agnes Moorehead as Fanny, a performance that revolutionized movie acting.

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    2. Wow, this really helps. I was wondering if I want to do 1917 but now I realize I definitely don’t.

      To watch anything in the Star Wars series, don’t you need to be familiar with the original story? Or does it work as a standalone?

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      1. The only one of the “new” ones I’ve seen is Rogue Nation (I think), which centers on the need to send an email (or the complicated sci-fi equivalent). It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it did function as a standalone movie — and I think they all do.

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    1. I also saw Parasite last week and it was one of the best films I’ve seen in recent years. It’s really hard to describe. It starts off as a bit of a comedy and ends up being a rather dark social commentary. I think the best thing about it is that it just kept surprising me. Every time I felt like I knew where things were heading it just veered off in an unexpected direction.

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  2. You’re not supposed to bring your own food to the movies. But the time-honored tradition is to bring a purse large enough to discreetly hide some small snacks, because the stuff they sell at the theaters is so horrendously expensive. Sometimes you can get away with a small bottle of water.

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