Why Don’t You Care?

I would like the commenter who says I post too much about trans issues to watch this video and tell me why it’s abnormal or wrong to perceive this as tragic and want to talk about it. It’s only 3 minutes long and it’s one of very, very many. What do you tell yourself to make you not care about this? That this was “choice”? This is clearly a kid, so all conversations about “choices” are patently silly. That it’s rare? It’s not that rare any more but if it were, how does that make it stop being wrong?

There’s got to be some narrative that justifies this, so what is it?

22 thoughts on “Why Don’t You Care?

  1. I know I’m supposed to be sympathetic, but I’ve dealt with a BPD person IRL and… as soon as she says “BPD” I no longer believe anything she says and I don’t give a crap about her as a person. There is no help for these people. None. Yeah, probably nobody should be offering them sex-change operations, but really? Denying them access to surgery and hormones isn’t going to save them. They’re gonna find some other way to f**k up their lives and the lives of everyone around them.

    I know I’m not supposed to say it, but I hope she’s sterile. BPDs should not, ever, raise kids.

    Like

    1. Yeah, I know that’s harsh, but the one I know managed to produce three kids who almost certainly have fetal alcohol syndrome, but is still in denial about it so… nope. World would be better off if she’d had the opportunity to get a crapton of attention and positive reinforcement for sterilizing herself at an early age.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I agree in what concerns real BPDs but this is a diagnosis that’s handed out like candy these days. Real BPDs are rare. These days everybody with mood swings is bipolar, everybody who dresses a bit differently is trans, everybody who is sad is clinically depressed, everybody who is lively is ADHD.

      I’m completely with you on actual BPDs, though. These bastards are lethal. Especially for kids or any family members.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. “Real BPDs are rare. These days everybody with mood swings is bipolar, everybody who dresses a bit differently is trans, everybody who is sad is clinically depressed, everybody who is lively is ADHD.”

        I often wonder what a baseline “normal” human is supposed to be, this Platonic ideal that everyone is supposed to be medicated toward. Seems it’s a person who never feels up or down, who is perfectly even-keeled regardless of what’s happening in their life (success, failure, rejection, death of loved one — none of that is supposed to matter), someone who is perfectly happy looking and acting in the most gender-conforming way imaginable, someone who is never bored or restless by necessary tasks and wishing they could do something else. This doesn’t sound like any actual human I know. That’s some robotic Stepford-wife shit.

        Liked by 4 people

        1. A friend put her 5-year-old in first grade, skipping kindergarten.Initially, she wanted to put her straight into second grade but the school wouldn’t approve. I asked why she was doing it. The kid still has potty accidents and clear sociability problems. The mother says, “I’m afraid she’ll be bored in kindergarten.” As if boredom were the plague.

          It’s ok to be bored, it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be uncomfortable, it’s ok to be low energy or high energy. Nobody is entertained or happy all the time. Or even most of the time. And that’s how it’s supposed to be.

          Liked by 1 person

        2. “Seems it’s a person who never feels up or down, who is perfectly even-keeled”

          To me the ideal being pursued somes to be someone who always feels up and any disruption to that (normal crap that happens to every person) is something that has to be medicated away…. they’re not supposed to have any internal emotional resources.
          Anything but constant affirmation is taken as an attack and the remedy is always consumption (of pills or other products or surgery).
          Stepford is a step up from that hell….

          Liked by 1 person

          1. It’s true that people really freak out when you just even simply mention a lifestyle that’s different from theirs. They “feel criticized” by you simply living in a somewhat different way.

            I recently unwittingly insulted an acquaintance by sharing a story about my kid’s potty training. It’s a funny, endearing story and I told it because that’s what was being discussed. Turns out that the anecdote “made her feel judged.” I mean, if you are adult enough to be a mother, you should be adult enough to survive somebody else’s slightly different parenting experience.

            Liked by 2 people

            1. To clarify, my parenting strategy is that I don’t follow any developmental milestones for my kid. Probably because I’m lazy. I didn’t potty train, I didn’t teach her to read, anything. My approach is that she’s going to learn on her own in some way sooner or later. And she did.

              I don’t think everybody should immediately adopt this strategy. Everybody is different and different things work for different people. But I couldn’t be assed to do any of these things and they just happened by themselves. What there is “to feel judged about” I don’t know. But even if you are judged, so what? What’s the big freaking deal?

              Liked by 1 person

              1. And also: other people don’t parent their kids to spite you. They probably aren’t thinking about you at all during parenting. Some things aren’t about you at all.

                Liked by 2 people

    3. “dealt with a BPD person ”

      Is that a valid diagnosis (in general)…. it seems kind of made up… a few years ago a couple of students told me they had BPD and I flat out didn’t believe it. I know one in particular had some… issues but no worse than a bunch of other students who didn’t have fancy initials to make themselves seem trendy and progressive (there was a similar thing a few years ago when gluten intolerance was fashionable).

      I think “diagnoses” like BPD and people being encouraged to mutilate themselves because they’re “trans” are closely linked…. financially.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Exactly. A real BPD, like any real sociopath, is very rare. All mental diagnoses – the real ones – are rare. It’s now fashionable to throw them around but it’s a dangerous road. And we see the results in this kid. She’s probably a completely normal kid who was over-medicated and over-diagnosed since childhood. Her metabolism is clearly off-kilter for somebody so young.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Then again, real BPDs are not exactly obvious from casual contact. The one I know seems reasonably normal to anybody who hasn’t known her for years or been in a relationship with her. I wouldn’t want to try making that call– certainly, now any time I hear that someone’s been diagnosed with that, I take pains to avoid them.

          Like

          1. Personally, I think the fact that someone’s willing to announce to the whole world that they’ve been diagnosed with Borderline, is a pretty damn good sign that they have borderline, because most reasonably sane people would understand how alarming that term is to anyone who knows anything about it. Only a BPD case or someone who’s just very very stupid would think that was anything you’d want to announce– it’s like telling everyone you have genital herpes, only worse. But actual BPDs think psych diagnoses are a badge of honor, and part of what makes them such special, special people, and not responsible for the havoc they wreak. They think it means other people should make tons of allowances for them, rather than understanding that it means they are basically evil, reckless bastards who will eventually attack and try to ruin everyone who befriends them.

            Liked by 2 people

      2. AFAICT, BPD is the female version of psychopathy. Arrested development at age ~3 or 4. It is freaking terrifying for the people who live with them, particularly their kids. We are talking about grown women who throw screaming crying tantrums, who are incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions and the consequences thereof, who when they form an attachment with another person, make that person the center of their entire existence… until that person shows the slightest sign of being displeased with them, and then it’s the end of the freaking universe, and they either attempt suicide, or decide that person has committed the ultimate betrayal, they are now basically Satan, and will do anything and everything to ruin their lives and reputations. But mostly look pretty normal as long as you’re not involved in their personal/social lives in any significant way.

        The DSM definition for it is pretty squishy-sounding, so it’s easy to not take it seriously. Just remember: friends don’t let friends date BPDs. That is a road to hearbreak and financial ruin.

        Liked by 3 people

        1. Oh, so you have met my mother.

          All true, and all unfixable. I talked to a psychologist about it and he said that’s one category of people no serious therapist will agree to work with. These are people with zero insight, zero capacity to receive feedback, zero capacity to understand themselves. They are eternal, misunderstood victims with no moral compass. And it’s exactly as you say, arrested development at 3yo, no empathy. Constantly staging their death in showy ways.

          I remember when Klara was 2 and she learned to jump. She showed us and we were all excited, praising her, etc. Grandma stood between us and the kid and started jumping. When we didn’t erupt in praise because there’s nothing interesting about an adult knowing how to jump, she had a fit of hysterics. “Everybody is praising her but nobody noticed me jumping!” Can you imagine an adult woman feeling devastated that people were praising the grandkid and not her?

          This is one of many, many stories like this.

          Liked by 3 people

          1. Crikey. I’m sorry, Clarissa. That really sucks. But at the same time, it’s really nice to know that you’ve grown up to be a productive, functional adult and that therapy worked for you. That is a big ray of hope.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. We are very lucky in that she didn’t have much interest in us when we were little and we didn’t see her that much. I still remember the feeling of surprise when I realized she was my mother. Until then, I thought my grandma was my mother.

              Liked by 1 person

          2. This whole discussion is confirming for me that my friend with diagnosed BPD is not truly BPD. She certainly has many psychological issues, struggles with personal relationships, even some typical BPD traits, but she’s also willing to take responsibility for her own actions, willing to share attention with a baby (?), etc. I’m sure she fits the DSM criteria but that just demonstrates they’re written too broadly.

            Liked by 2 people

              1. That’s precisely the point with psychiatrists and many professionals in the “Psych” disciplines: everyone is disturbed, even if you are not a psychopath you must certainly be a neurotic and therefore in need of some cure; whether it be therapy or pills or both is up to you and your shrink.
                But then, where if not in America is a therapist an essential social accoutrement for the middle and upper classes, while the working class is at least heavily medicated when not in a constant stupor due to all sorts of drugs?

                Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.