We talked recently about how a disruption in bonding with the mother in infancy/early childhood results in people who can’t bond with places and other humans. These individuals won’t form families easily and will always be on the move. The perfect neoliberal workforce.
Obviously, mothers incapable of bonding with their infants always existed. But what if they became mass-produced? What if something happened to make the mother who is capable of bonding an exception and the one who can’t the norm?
A child is formed by the mother’s gaze. A new mother always keeps the child in her line of vision. Their communication is very intense. At every moment, the mother soothes, reassures, and nourishes physically, emotionally and intellectually without needing to say anything. Even when she sleeps, the mother keeps the infant within the focus of her attention. If you are a mother, you know exactly what I mean.
The attention, the focus, the sustained, unbroken concentration – this is what’s needed to make the bonding happen. (And a functioning endocrine system to start it all up, obviously).
OK, so how’s your focus been lately? Honestly? In all likelihood, as shit as everybody else’s. There’s now an obstacle between mother and child. Look around, it’s everywhere. Child stares at mom, mom stares at a screen. I know it’s a huge taboo topic because mothers can do no wrong but seriously, when’s the bonding supposed to happen?
But hey, it’s all good. It’s better to be lonely, isolated, easily transportable, and drugged to the gills anyway, right?
Clarissa's Blog 
Looking back on it, I bonded with my first daughter months before her mother did. They bonded more gradually.
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Dads are just as glued to the screens, though, so the result is the same.
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My mother bragged about how she never wasted time bonding with me. She told me she propped up my bottle with a stuffed animal so she could leave me in my crib instead of holding me. I don’t ever remember a time when she bonded with me or was affectionate. She always wanted me to leave her alone.
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I’m very very sorry. She robbed herself of what is truly the best experience available to humans.
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Thank you.
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Since I had my own kids, always wondered if that’s what happened to my sister. She was “colicky” until over a year old, by all accounts. My eldest only had colic for the first 3 months and that was pretty hellish. I can easily see how more than a year of that might result in a failure to bond.
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