Why Children Lie

Between the ages of 6 and 9, a child begins to build his own inner world. (It can also be called subjectivity or the subconscious). Before that, he shares Mom’s.

During this time, children become secretive and start telling what adults perceive as lies. I’m not talking about imaginative inventions which appear as soon as a child begins to speak. I mean actual, purposeful lies. And this is a great thing.

Parents today aren’t too busy if you look at it from a historical perspective. Nobody has 11 kids and has to work in the fields all day. So people have a lot more energy and time to dedicate to formatting the children. Out of very good intentions, they start trying to eradicate the lies because they believe it’s their duty to raise an honest person.

As a result – and again, from very good and loving intentions – parents crash into this very new and still very tiny inner world that the child has created and start trying to manage it. The child ends up perceiving his inner life as a dangerous place. A place where he can never be left alone without being punished, humiliated and ordered about.

Such children grow up to be high-anxiety people. They develop ADHD and similar disorders. They have no idea what it even means to find refuge and comfort in their own thoughts, their own mind, their own inner lives. They’ll get addicted to screens because that helps to avoid being alone with their thoughts.

Every age of human development has its own goals. Learning to be honest is not the developmental goal for this crucial stretch between 6 and 9.

People who say “my child is 9 and has never lied to me” are either clueless (which is good) or tend to hover way too much (which is not good). I suggest getting a hobby and leave the kid be to develop freely and normally. As for inculcating honesty, instead of formatting the child, work on yourself. Become an honest person and teach by example.