Etiquette Question

~ Clarissa

Friends, department Chairs and their spouses are invited to an evening reception at the Dean’s house. Is it customary to bring a gift in such situations? What should one bring if so?

I don’t want to be the only person either with or without a gift. I have provided myself with a defense from unwanted socialization in the form of N who I will talk to exclusively. But what is the proper procedure gift-wise?

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Published by Clarissa

14 thoughts on “Etiquette Question”

  1. I wouldn’t take anything. That sounds like a business occasion disguised as social event, rather than a gathering of friends. In such an instance, it is the Dean’s job to feed and entertain all the chairs/spouses, rather than the responsibility of guests to bring gifts. The gathering is a way for the Dean to get to know the chairs a bit better, in what s/he imagines will be a more relaxed setting. Do not relax. Be your professional self. In professional settings, gifts flow downwards, not upwards, and in any case should be small.

    When LRU’s then-new president invited whole departments to “cocktail” gatherings at the president’s house, no one in my department took any sort of gift along, to my knowledge.

    If you were personal friends with the dean and s/he said, “Hey, I’m having some people over for a cookout on Labor Day, a mix of old friends and some people from work, please join us,” then you should offer to bring something. If you were friends with the dean and s/he offered an invitation to a dinner party, take or send flowers. But both those scenarios are a totally different type of occasion.

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    2. This makes sense. But, since spouses are invited, this makes the event a bit more social and a bit less business. If the spouses weren’t invited, I would say no gift. But since they are, something small always looks nice (see my comment below).

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    3. This really helps, thank you. It would be weird to show up with a gift when other people are bringing nothing. I definitely don’t want to come off as somebody trying to ingratiate herself with this particular dean.

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  2. “Is it customary to bring a gift ”

    For the dean, no.
    I’m not sure about current etiquette but at one time if the dean was a man and if he was married and if it was at his personal residence with his wife acting as hostess then a small gift for her would be acceptable but not required.
    Regardless if he is married it probably wouldn’t hurt to go out of your way to exchange a few pleasantries with his wife.

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    1. He’s got a husband. Or, rather, a partner. And he tends to overshare, so we all heard way too much about this partner. And the previous partner. And the one before that.

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  3. Personally, I would bring something small. (I am also full time university faculty). Usually my choice would be a bouquet of flowers. I hate coming empty handed and just about everybody enjoys flowers.

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  4. I suppose it’s the link that sent my last comment either to moderation or to spam. Consider the language of flowers. You could take yellow carnations for disdain and chamomile for patience in adversity.

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  5. If the Dean has done this before then you should ask a Department Chair who has been to a previous event. If not, default to what most others said and bring something small, ideally something that would fit the occasion, like flowers or wine.

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  6. This is a work function, so I wouldn’t bring anything. It sounds like 20+ people will be in attendance. There will be mingling and small talk, and, in my experience, always disappointing (in quantity and quality) food and drinks.

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