Q&A: Grief

I’m so very sorry. A terrible loss. So so sorry.

In the short term, you need to get through the first terrible months. It’s going to start getting better but not immediately. Keep thinking that the pain will recede. It will, you just need to get through right now and it will. When the pain overcomes, breathe through it and remember that it will pass.

Establish a ritual where at the same time each day you scream out your pain. Eight to eight thirty pm, you scream it out.

An alternative can be to buy a large sheet of paper and a black crayon and draw your pain in violent squiggles. A canvas and a tub of paint can also work. Go to the store and see which paint looks like your pain that you want to pour on a canvas. Take a bunch of old clothes you were going to throw away and rip them into shreds.

In the long term, it might be a good idea to start a project that will commemorate your mother. You can get one of those paint by numbers kits based on a photo and then paint her. Spending time with her image every day can be a good thing. It can be whatever your creative side can manage. If she left a book of favorite recipes, you can recreate them all. Whatever can make you feel that you are in communion with her.

Grief is like a prison term. You have to do the time. It can’t be shortened, unfortunately. You’ll have to breathe through it. Every breath brings you closer to things being bearable.

I’m so sorry you are going through this. Please try to be OK. You are needed.