So many words to explain the existence of low-libido people:
These “incels” are simply low-libido men who don’t know how to process their health issue. If a healthy male under the age of retirement needs some particularly “hot” women to get going, he’s low-libido. Similarly, if a woman in an eligible-male-rich environment like Montreal or NYC just can’t find anybody attractive, she’s low-libido. This doesn’t mean they are bad but simply wired in a certain way that is not the norm.
People would reject the idea of social engineering to remove “inequities” created by simple physiology but when the inequity in their lives is a result of their own physiology, it’s all “let’s immediately engineer away this unpleasant reality by reshuffling society.”
If these perpetually unmatched people look around, they’ll see that everybody is paired up and very happy without dwelling much on which number on the scale of hotness their honey is. Everybody on here who is happily married: did you ever dwell on how your lovey ranks on some scale? I’m betting you never did because you are simply physically healthy. Your desire is switched on without theorizing and pouting because that’s the norm. We’d all be extinct without it.
There’s absolutely no shame in being low-libido or pre-diabetic or near-sighted, etc. What is shameful is to come up with grand theories to hide from your physiology.
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Fear of emotional intimacy can also play a role. Although in that instance they’re more likely to at least be having casual sex even if they never find a relationship.
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A man places a penny in front of another man and asks: do you smell the “scent”? Places 2 pennies down and asks: Do you see the “pear”? 3 pennies and asks do you see any cars? 3 Lincolns. 4 pennies and asks Do you see any snakes … 4 copperheads. 5 pennies and asks: Do you see any pussy? Not for 5 cents!!!
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I think it is much more psychological than physiological.
These are people who exhibit so many red flags that they just scare most potential partners away, regardless of how high anybody’s libido may be. They are not self-aware but very entitled, so they SHOULD have a woman. Not for the sake of that particular woman, and not even for sex, but for self-validation and for some sort of socialism-as-applied-to-relationships kind of thing. Their idea of fairness requires women to respond positively to them. And the reason why they are so into rankings, numbers, etc – this again comes from their idea of “fairness”, distorted by entitlement, and also from the idea that woma(e)n must validate them – the higher-ranking the woman, the more validation…
They are not so much afraid of emotional intimacy, they do not know what it is.
Is it correlated with “low libido”… Not sure. I’d guess that the man with low libido but without the above red flags would not be obsessed with the unfairness of not having a woman, but will just eventually meet a woman at work, or at school, and not scare them away in the process.
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If a young, healthy male prefers validation and fairness to actually having sex, what is it if not low libido? When there’s space for so much thinking about what’s fair and how society operates, that space is completely empty of actual physical desire. Everybody who wants to have sex is having sex. Everybody who spends years talking about why they aren’t having sex simply wants no sex. Which is perfectly fine as long as people aren’t kidding themselves by engaging in the narrative that they are deprived because imaginary Chads hoovered up all desirable women.
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I guess some men want sex but go about it in so red-flaggy ways that women just run away…
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–and then, as soon as a woman does respond positively to them (as in, being polite because they are polite to everyone), they take it as a sign to get creepy, follow her around, and ignore multiple signals that she’s trying to leave, get away from them, end the conversation, etc.
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The kids are calling low libido people “ace” with various labels to explain gradations and those don’t seem to overlap with incels at all.
I don’t think incels are “low libido” unless you think libido should be rooted in your environs.
“Low libido?” Nah. It’s difficult to get married or laid when you’re a misanthrope who faps to the unavailable.
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Asexuals have accepted that they have a medical condition. Incels haven’t managed to be honest with themselves. Their narrative is “I’d be having tons of sex if only this list of conditions was met.” That’s hiding from reality.
Asexuals are very angry people as I found out in the early days of this blog when they descended here in droves to scream that they exist. Like anybody doubted that all sorts of dysfunction exist.
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Asexuals are weird like that, and I’m talking as someone who is both asexual and aromantic. I accepted a long time ago that I am what I am and don’t demand people acknowledge pronouns or whatever, I live my life. I don’t get mad if someone asks if I date, I just say I’m not interested. I don’t go to a doctor because I don’t want to take any medication for something I’m comfortable with, I feel fine.
Incels are different, they might have a low libido and don’t want to admit it, a guy with a low libido is seen as a loser since guys are supposed to always want sex. Instead, they want to blame “Chads” that all women supposedly want when they’d be better off seeing a doctor to rule out a physical condition. If they still want to date, they should go out find someone with similar interests who likes them and take it from there. Forcing attraction just scares off women
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I cross posted, so apologies if I misspoke.
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Eh. I think a lot of it has to do with men who spend their entire adolescence doped up on SSRIs, maybe adderall as well. I don’t think it’s ever been adequately studied, what that stuff does to the sexual maturation process.
Also doesn’t help that they’ve been socialized from an early age to porn. I’d bet it’s hard to get turned on by a totally average human-looking girl, after you’ve spent years jacking off to artificially-enhanced boob-bots…
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I think you nailed it.
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I didn’t think aces thought they had a medical condition they could treat or should treat. They just insist it’s natural and fine?
I don’t see aces making their disinclination to get laid everyone else’s problem versus incels trying to make it everyone’s dangerous problem, but I am not online enough maybe.
Coincidentally there are so many treatments for other conditions that depress libido. Everyone would be happier if they acknowledged those tradeoffs.
Oh well, everyone has different ways of intellectualizing their libido.
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They won’t acknowledge it’s a problem, persay, but they at least understand the basics of what’s going on instead of blaming society.
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I hate the rise of the “ace” label, as it reassures people with dysfunction that they don’t have one. But it’s certainly better than the incel route.
Funny thing: many “asexual” women realize they’re just lesbians after they kiss or have sex with a woman for the first time. In general, I’ve found that “sex positive” people discourage people from questioning their sexual orientation. If a guy says he only wants to date women but constantly thinks about sex with men, they’ll tell him he’s “heteroromantic.” If a woman loves lesbian porn, well, don’t we all? It’s perfectly fine if people aren’t interesting in pursuing this stuff but the excuses get ridiculous.
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Makes as much sense as anything.
“did you ever dwell on how your lovey ranks on some scale?”
Nope. I think he’s hot. 😉 We are neither of us ever going to feature on the cover of Sexy Abs Magazine or Hot Lips journal, but then I’ve always been attracted primarily to intelligence…
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That’s awesome, one of my best friends is engaged to a homely guy who’s already bald in his thirties and she is pretty, yet they’re very happy together and so in love it hurts. People were shocked when they started dating since she’s better looking than him, but they’re happy and that’s what counts
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No one would know it to look at me now, but in my youth I wasn’t bad looking. I was twenty-one when I met the man I was destined to marry, and by that time I had rejected marriage proposals from four other guys, three of whom were objectively better looking than he was. I don’t have anything against good-looking guys in principle, but there are other qualities that are vastly more important to a happy relationship.
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Yes, sure, physical attraction may be what one notices first, but relationships assess if one can forge a team for the rest of our lives.
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Physical attraction can also be very idiosyncratic. The Hemsworth brothers are very “conventionally attractive,” but I am not attracted to them at all
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Or attraction can be cultural, my male cousins find many white female celebrities to be homely since they come from a Latin American background. They tend to find curvy, slightly chubby dark-skinned women attractive, since that’s they come from a Latin background. Very tall, very thin white women they don’t find attractive at all, if they do date white women, they tend to be shorter and slightly overweight
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I often don’t understand the Hollywood beauty ideal myself
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