Many men don’t know that when a woman complains that a man doesn’t take initiative, what she really wants is for him to do exactly what she wants, with zero deviations, and with the greatest enthusiasm. The word “initiative” – and this is true across cultures and generations – on a woman’s lips invariably means “enthusiastic obedience.” Lack of initiative simply stands for “less than enthusiastic obedience.”
I will give am example from Joyce Maynard’s memoir, and I’m sorry, people, but she’s such a perfect illustration of so many things that I just can’t quit talking about her.
At age 60, Maynard finally married the man of her dreams and immediately proceeded to badger him about his spending, his hobbies, his daily habits, and his friends. She, and I quote, “mocked him mercilessly” for being part of an all-male club and getting together with buddies to play music around a campfire.
And do you know what Maynard’s main complaint about the husband was? That he wouldn’t take initiative. The fellow took plenty of initiative but she hated the initiative he took. What she wanted was the exact opposite of initiative. She want dog-like loyalty and obedience. Her pet name for him was “my guard dog”, and it’s a testament to the man’s forbearance that he didn’t call her “my yappy bitch” in return.
I can’t count the times I heard a female acquaintance complain that “he doesn’t take initiative.” To these complaints I invariably reply, “let’s imagine you come home today and discover that he took initiative by knocking down the wall between the living and the dining room. Great, right? Initiative!” After which it is immediately revealed that no, that’s not what she meant about initiative.
I promise I’ll get off the subject of Maynard eventually but it’s just too much fun at this point. I can’t help myself.
Clarissa's Blog 
“he didn’t call her “my yappy bitch””
… wanna bet?
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I also want to believe the guy stood up for himself but instead he died within a year of marrying her.
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“he died within a year of marrying her”
That’s the least surprising thing I’ve read today….
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Men keep leaving her in pretty dramatic ways but she never wonders why.
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This sounds just like my mom, she nagged my father and her second husband into getting divorced. Mom is a very Type A, go-getter type who worked her way up from supermarket cashier to store manager, she ended up married to guys less ambitious than her. Dad was an easygoing guy who drank beer and watched football when he wasn’t reading, her second husband was a lazy drunk. I guess she thought she could prod them into being more ambitious, but they weren’t that kind of guy. Too many women think they can change their partner, that works in romance novels but not real life
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A relationship between two go-getters works when they’re both avoidant and kinda live parallel lives without ever truly enmeshing; usually, it ends up strained and one of them (usually a woman) has to sacrifice a great deal and ends up resentful. A lot of A-type women think they want A-type men because that’s what we’re supposed to want, but those are not ideal partners for them. I am very A-type and with all A-types I dated in the past, there were two problems: 1) they wanted to compete with me, and then became very mean and hurtful when they didn’t win, and 2) they expected I would mold myself according their plans and needs simply because I was a woman. My husband is laid back and extremely loving and supportive of me, and the longer I’m married, the more I love and appreciate him for who he is and for how well we complement one another.
tl;dr no relationship needs two people who are pains in the ass; one is plenty
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That could work, but the Type A woman has to accept that her partner is a laidback guy. Mom never accepted that neither of her husbands were Type A personalities and tried to hector them into being so, it just drove them away. I’m a laidback creative and she’s been trying to get me to be more ambitious, I work but I’m on medical leave. Right now, I’m writing a romance/fantasy novel and I can’t wait till she goes to work so I can write without her bothering me
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LOL, solid marriages are both symbiotic, in that they are mutually beneficial, and synergistic, where they produce more together than they produce separately. That is the “sciencing” of it, but it helps if you like each other…a lot ;-D
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