When men pout about the “no fault divorce”, it’s very cuck energy. Nobody leaves a great marriage. Take the health of your relationship into your hands and stop seeing yourself as an object. You want the state to tie your woman to you because you are, what, impotent to do it, pun intended?
Women who whine that they do too much housework are just as annoying. Try to participate on your own relationship, is my advice.
I agree with the broader sentiment (it is not masculine to complain) but we just cannot ignore the simple fact that social policies do create incentives. So while your advice may work for some individuals, it doesn’t scale society-wide. Whatever you incentivize, you get more of it.
For example, the current welfare policies are structured in a way that disincentivizes family formation. Food stamps and housing programs provide significant financial incentives for couples to remain separate and unmarried.
Welfare policies also encourage people to not improve their station in life.
A single mother in DC can make no gains, financially, as her earnings rise from $11,000 to $65,000 because benefits like food stamps & Medicaid phase in/out as her income rises. Terrible for work/marriage.
LikeLike
I agree with the point about welfare. But divorce is a different thing. Nobody leaves a good marriage. Instead of nurturing a fantasy that society will tie women to them with a chain, these men should embrace personal responsibility and wonder why women run away from them.
In the same way, women who can’t figure out housework disputes with their own husbands should grow up and stop turning an individual failure into society’s fault.
LikeLike
Actually voided comment yesterday, hoping that you would apologize for your frankly rather snarky behavior. The truth is that marriage for far too many has degenerated into little more than a costly celebration, followed by the seizing of the partner’s financial assets through divorce. No-fault divorce is far, far too easy; it has eroded society, and blighted the future of children. And unfortunately, after three generations, pretty much everybody knows it.
You and I, and many others here, consider marriage very important, but sadly, we are rapidly becoming outliers. Men measure ;-D
LikeLike
You managed to build a strong marriage that survived. You can inspire other men to do the same instead of sitting there, feeling sorry for themselves. You did for yourself, so should they. Personal responsibility.
LikeLike
We were raised in a different era, more than half a century ago, While mores were rapidly collapsing, centuries old social expectations still existed. Marriage was for ever, divorce was considered personal, even family, failure. Effective contraception was definitely an explosive change, one that we are still trying to hamdle. But two sexually unilateral changes, radical feminism and no-fault divorce have proven far, far more damaging to society.
As far as “personal responsibility” goes, when men bugger up big time, we call it “steppng on our dick” and we might as well admit it, because your buddies expect that you will. Women as a group do not seem to have that collective critical corrective drive. But perhaps, just perhaps, some of you might begin to wonder if your great aunties might not have stepped on their teats ;-D
LikeLike
I absolutely agree that we should go back to the way of thinking that you describe. There’s no legislation that can fix it because people will just shack up without getting married if divorce is made more onerous. The shift we are looking for must happen in people’s heads. And it’s very possible because it has been only about two minutes compared to the rest of human history that we’ve practiced the current model of personal and familial life. And it’s not working. This experiment failed. We can collectively learn from it and step away. Many people are doing exactly that. Just like many people are coming to church and discovering religion not because the Inquisition is threatening them but because they feel the need. I don’t want the Inquisition back. I want people to realize how much they need it. It’s a longer, harder journey but it’s the only realistic one.
LikeLike
Sorry, it is not a matter of not making divorce more onerous, that ship sailed long ago. Currently, depending upon the jurisdiction, men are long past even “shacking up” because of attempts to create equivalence to marriage status – complete with provision of a share of property, other assets, even alimony.
When one side attempts to unilaterally change the rules, the other side will avoid that game. The experiment has indeed failed, and the typical attempt to simply alter the language is now failing. Collectively, apparently some of us have not even learned that there is an “other” ;-D
LikeLike
I see absolutely no evidence that men are beseiged by crowds of women willing to get married. This is like those women who “choose not to have children” when absolutely nobody offered in the first place.
LikeLike
\ This is like those women who “choose not to have children” when absolutely nobody offered in the first place.
The idea is that, as an autonomous neoliberal subject, everything that happens in one’s life is 100% your fault responsibility or, in a nicer wording for one’s ego, ‘choice.’
Besides, I have a single childless female relative who chose not to have children. Since she has already reached retirement age, it’s final for her. It was her choice not to become a single mother. Of course, in her youth, it was much more frowned upon than now, but it had still been a choice.
LikeLike
Right, but if I say I chose not to become a billionaire, everybody will know I’m full of excrement. “See, I could have been mega rich like Elon Musk but instead I chose to educate children from humble backgrounds. I’m so moral.” It’s haloimes, as we used to say in Kharkiv.
LikeLike
In SA, lots of people who emigrate or their families are highly successful and some do come back and do things like educate the poor children. Musk is fairly unusual in favoring right wing groups.
LikeLike
Hmmm, I neither said, nor implied, any such thing. I agreed that the experiment had failed. But pointed out that your suggestion that marriage would then be replaced with a common-law relationship. I pointed out that this was already being avoided because the state was attempting to force the provision of a share of property, other assets, and even alimony on those relationships.
That sentence may anger you, but it is fact, the suggested solution has already failed. Looking around what is available (gotta say they are not exactly Ruth ;-D), very few functional men are going to vow: “… and with all my worldly goods I thee endow… “; openly offering the traditional sharing of resources as a couple.
LikeLike
avoided, I am old and need the ability to edit ;-D
LikeLike
Clarissa, I’m not sure I see the parallel here. The women complaining about doing too much housework are not attempting to pass laws mandating that husbands must do x% of the housework. They’re just complaining about it to their friends, family, the internet, etc. And probably “nagging” their husbands 24/7 before getting a divorce. They are definitely participating in their own relationship and oftentimes opting out of one entirely.
LikeLike
I don’t think either type of legislation is possible. But complaining online doesn’t fix an issue that is mega easy to fix without turning outwards.
My other favorite topic of online complaints is painful menstruation. Long, detailed screeds about the painful symptoms, and the author’s aren’t always young girls. I’ve seen women well into their 30s going on and on about it. I don’t know if it’s click bait or they are genuinely that alienated from their own bodies but it’s sad to observe.
LikeLike
What’s your problem with those complaints exactly? Women have different experiences with their periods. For some it’s no big deal, and some have a really bad time.
LikeLike
For how many years can one have a really bad time instead of doing something about it?
LikeLike
In my case: 16 years. I solved it in the ancient, traditional way, by having a baby. Wish I’d done that a lot sooner. But, you know, hangups about getting married first.
I had tried everything: heating pads, midol, crouching in the shower crying, exercise, low-carb diet… all of those things helped a very little bit. None of them resolved the problem where I was in relentless back labor for ~8 straight hours, while spewing out both ends of my digestive tract, every month. Midol actually helped a lot, but only if I could take it before the nausea got going (and it often preceded the cramping): if not, I just puked it up.
On the plus side, it made actual labor and childbirth seem like child’s play, and between that and the migraines, I have learned some interesting disciplines for pain management, meditation, and prayer, that I would otherwise have lacked the motivation for, and have an abnormally high pain tolerance. Painkillers are for wusses.
LikeLike
A conservative literary critic and college professor
Clarissa's Blog 
Leave a comment