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Appropriate Topics

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Clarissa

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I will never fully understand Americans. On the one hand, it’s utterly unacceptable to ask any questions relating to money. OK, I figure, private information isn’t a good subject of inquiry, fine. But now I’m discovering that it’s considered perfectly fine to ask what kind of surgery one got and keep insisting even after one makes it clear that this is an unwelcome question.

Why is it even an interesting subject? People my age will always have something going on health wise. (Except one reader of this blog who enjoys extreme good health, and how wonderful that is). There’s always optometrist exams, or that old sports injury that’s acting up. All sorts of stuff.

People have been really pushy, including some people I’ve talked to half a dozen times in my whole life.

7 responses to “Appropriate Topics”

  1. TomW Avatar
    TomW

    Being pushy about health stuff is rude. It tells you something about those people who keep asking when you are clearly reluctant to share.

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  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    You have my sympathies on such pushy people. I don’t know if you can generalize to Americans from that.

    As the person who commented on the good health of their (no longer living) grandmother and mother, I haven’t said a word about my own health.

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  3. Dame Eleanor Hull Avatar
    Dame Eleanor Hull

    No, no, no! This is not okay! Speaking as an American brought up on the west coast, educated in the northeast, and living in the midwest, after having dated a southerner for six years, I don’t know what sort of Americans you know, but everyone I know would think the questioning you describe was unspeakably rude.

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  4. cliff arroyo Avatar
    cliff arroyo

    “it’s considered perfectly fine to ask what kind of surgery one got and keep insisting’

    I dunno… my memories are a bit hazy but diplomatic non-answers were always enough to get people to stop asking (though many would volunteer all sorts of bodily info I could have happily existed without).

    Verbal self-defense trick: When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, just ask ‘excuse me?’ in a polite manner with your eyebrows raised and a look of surprise that you maintain as long as necessary as and a polite insistence on not understanding any of their attempts to make things clear. It works wonders in doing away with unwanted questions. It is vital to keep a pleasant/polite demeanor throughout (and people’s recollection of the event will mortify them).

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  5. methylethyl Avatar
    methylethyl

    I think that falls under “bodily functions” in the list-of-things-one-doesn’t-speak-of-at-the-dinner-table: money, religion, politics, sex, and bodily functions.

    If you’re an old person hanging out with other old people, there’s a certain amount of leeway on that, but pushing for details after someone has declined is not cool.

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  6. bluebird of bitterness Avatar
    bluebird of bitterness

    That is obnoxious behavior. I hope you told them to mind their own damn business.

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  7. Stringer Bell Avatar
    Stringer Bell

    People in India, especially from a certain generation, really love talking about their ailments. I have an aunt who’s practically legendary for it. She’ll go into vivid, play-by-play detail about every ache, pain, and medical visit like it’s a dramatic saga. She loves me to bits, so I always make time to see her when I’m back home. But man, I really have to mentally brace myself beforehand.

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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