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You Don’t Need the Experience

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Clarissa

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N and I didn’t have a wedding. We got married in difficult circumstances and simply went to the courthouse one day after I finished teaching.

We didn’t have a wedding but we most certainly have a marriage. It’s the most intense, vibrant and exciting marriage I have ever seen or read about. On June 6, we’ll be celebrating 18 years together.

We had no wedding experience but we do have a marriage. I’m sure a wedding experience is amazing. I’m happy for people who got to have it. I’m not criticizing those who had a wedding experience, God forbid. My life turned out differently and I never had it. But that didn’t preclude me from having a marriage.

It’s the same with college. You don’t need a college experience as portrayed on TV to have a college degree. The college experience – living on campus, attending all the events, hanging out with friends after classes – is great. But it’s not necessary or obligatory. You can get a degree without the experience.

The experience is definitely expensive. People get into the mentality that it’s worth saddling yourself with enormous debt very early in life, and that’s a mistake. We need more acceptance of limiting factors. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. You can still have your college education even if you start later in life and don’t do the dorm / activities / lounging around doing nothing for 4 years. I started my BA at almost 23, never lived in a dorm, worked several part-time crappy jobs at any given time, belonged to no student clubs and attended no activities because I had to work. And ended up having more degrees than any regular person can possibly wish for. All we need is to learn to accept reality and exist within its constraints.

I know a young mother of two who isn’t getting married because there’s no money for a wedding of her dreams. To me, it’s absolutely nutso-crazy-boom-boom. Thankfully, nobody is offering wedding loans en masse, so at least she isn’t getting into debt to finance the experience.

By the way, experience economy is a neoliberal invention, and I can talk about it later to prevent this post from getting even longer.

26 responses to “You Don’t Need the Experience”

  1. cliff arroyo Avatar
    cliff arroyo

    OT: Habemvs Papam. Previous and Papal name not yet revealed….

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      Is it Parolin like everybody said? I’m confused.

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      1. Clarissa Avatar
        Clarissa

        No, it’s Prevost! Does anybody know anything about him?

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        1. cliff arroyo Avatar
          cliff arroyo

          “Prevost! Does anybody know anything about him?”

          according to wikipedia….. Has been a Peruvian citizen since 2015 (not sure about his US status).

          And…. not tough on sex abuse….. (sigh).

          We’ll see how this plays out.

          His Italian has a distinct American accent which should be amusing….

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          1. methylethyl Avatar
            methylethyl

            The whole part where he was born in Chicago and set off on a mission to Peru in the 80s kinda hints he’s one of the liberation guys who’ve spent decades leaving the doors of the church open so that Pentecostals and JWs can poach their parishioners.

            Not optimistic. But I guess we’ll see.

            Liked by 1 person

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        2. Random reader Avatar
          Random reader

          Francis 2.0. Let’s hope he has some revelation from above and becomes a good pope.

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  2. cliff arroyo Avatar
    cliff arroyo

    OT: funny tweet

    https://x.com/rominabadoino/status/1920529670811861463

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      Peruvian is more likely to be not insanely left-wing than Argentinean, so here’s to hoping.

      Great joke. I’ll share with my Peruvian brother-in-law.

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  3. Avi Avatar
    Avi

    Prevost is a dual citizen of the US and Peru, is bilingual in English and Spanish (through his mother’s side), has a perfect command of Italian and is fluent in French and Portuguese. He’s considered a centrist. Was a bishop in Peru for a whole decade and, the most interesting fact, he comes from a religious order, the Augustinians (very learned, very pious). Apparently, prior to his election as pope, he occupied one of the most prominent positions in the Roman Curia, Prefect for the Dicastery of Bishops, to which he was appointed by his predecessor less than two years ago.

    I don’t know what all this may portend. I am just thankful to the Holy Spirit on account of neither Cardinal Zuppi, nor Cardinal Parolin being elected. The former would have been a catastrophe, the latter a disaster, in term of the possibly nefarious influence they might have exerted outside the Vatican and the Roman Church.

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    1. Random reader Avatar
      Random reader

      I’m sorry to say that, but he is no centrist. He is as liberal leftist as they get. Blase Cupich’s man. I’m not so sure he is a better choice than Cardinals Zuppi or Parolin, who, I agree would be disastrous. There are a lot of outspoken traditionalists in the US. I have a feeling he was put in place to deal with the American problem, among other things.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. Clarissa Avatar
        Clarissa

        Oh, that’s not good. Why, why do the lefty ones keep getting selected Is it supposed to attract the young generation? Because that doesn’t work.

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          Can anybody give details of the new Pope’s left-wing bent?

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          1. Stringer Bell Avatar
            Stringer Bell

            Conservative on social issues (same sex marriage, gender insanity) but open borders supporter.

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            1. Clarissa Avatar
              Clarissa

              Why, why are they all like this? What’s the point of a church if it’s not deeply conservative?

              Liked by 1 person

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              1. Stringer Bell Avatar
                Stringer Bell

                From one of my favorite TV shows, Yes Prime Minister. The PM Jim Hacker must recommend the appointment of bishops to the Queen but is not keen on the two offered by the Church.

                James Hacker: Humphrey, what’s a Modernist in the Church of England?
                Sir Humphrey Appleby: Ah, well, the word “Modernist” is code for non-believer.
                James Hacker: You mean an atheist?
                Sir Humphrey Appleby: No, Prime Minister. An atheist clergyman couldn’t continue to draw his stipend. So, when they stop believing in God, they call themselves “Modernists”.
                James Hacker: How could the Church of England suggest an atheist as Bishop of Bury St Edmunds?
                Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well, very easily. The Church of England is primarily a social organization, not a religious one.
                James Hacker: Is it?
                Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh yes. It’s part of the rich social fabric of this country. So bishops need to be the sorts of chaps who speak properly and know which knife and fork to use. The sort of people one can look up to.

                James Hacker: So, the ideal candidate
                [for a bishopric]
                James Hacker: from the Church of England’s point of view would be a cross between a socialite, and a socialist.
                Sir Humphrey Appleby: Precisely.

                Liked by 1 person

        2. methylethyl Avatar
          methylethyl

          Because the gay ones get preferentially promoted?

          Liked by 1 person

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    2. random reader Avatar
      random reader

      Also, there was a concerted media campaign to paint him as an acceptable candidate in the days before the conclave. It worked.

      https://catholicvote.org/legacy-catholic-media-promote-cardinal-same-time-coincidence-or-campaign/

      I sincerely hope that I am wrong about him and that he will be great. Sometimes people when they are placed into the office end up rising to the occasion.

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  4. ShadowsCollide Avatar
    ShadowsCollide

    That’s cool an American is the pope, let’s see how this turns out. To go back on topic, one doesn’t need a lot of money or frills for a wedding, scores of people get married in Las Vegas at a chapel or at the courthouse and are doing fine. Whenever I hear about a big, garish wedding I just shake my head since it’s a waste of money, you just need the document. My parents had a courthouse marriage and my neighbors recently had theirs at the courthouse, there’s nothing wrong or trashy with a courthouse wedding instead of spending a fortune on a flashy wedding

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. methylethyl Avatar
    methylethyl

    We would have preferred a courthouse wedding, but married in church to satisfy religious requirements, small reception to satisfy family. Sewed my own dress, borrowed the flowers (knew a guy who grew orchids, they were potted and we gave them back after), told my sponsor and maid of honor to just wear what they liked (and they ended up wearing perfectly matched beige silk dresses without ever speaking to each other or planning that: how??) family cooked the food, and all told we came in just under $1k including renting a wheelchair-accessible hall, tipping the choir fund, dress fabric, napkins and plates and everything.

    Still would’ve preferred to *not* do all the fuss and bother, but I think we did pretty well for not being able to get out of it.

    Liked by 3 people

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    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      That’s a great story.

      The hard part is to find the person to marry. The trappings and the ceremony, while fun, are not the point. Thinking that they are doesn’t bode well for the actual marriage.

      Liked by 2 people

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      1. methylethyl Avatar
        methylethyl

        Fun for *some*. Kind of a chore for people like us.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  6. Avatar
    Anonymous

    You might like the movie “Good Will Hunting” where a young janitor using the library is solving problems the students at MIT his age are unable to.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Clarissa Avatar
      Clarissa

      Maybe the janitor also knew what a non sequitur is.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. oldcowboy3 Avatar
        oldcowboy3

        Sorry, but this is definitely not a good day for Christendom(aka the West), so maybe, just maybe he understands a set up when he sees one ;-D

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        1. Clarissa Avatar
          Clarissa

          Is it really that bad? I want to find something positive in this.

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          1. oldcowboy3 Avatar
            oldcowboy3

            Do you really think that Rome somehow did not notice the Catholic NGO’s organizing and funding the movement of illegal aliens?

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A conservative literary critic and college professor

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