N and I didn’t have a wedding. We got married in difficult circumstances and simply went to the courthouse one day after I finished teaching.
We didn’t have a wedding but we most certainly have a marriage. It’s the most intense, vibrant and exciting marriage I have ever seen or read about. On June 6, we’ll be celebrating 18 years together.
We had no wedding experience but we do have a marriage. I’m sure a wedding experience is amazing. I’m happy for people who got to have it. I’m not criticizing those who had a wedding experience, God forbid. My life turned out differently and I never had it. But that didn’t preclude me from having a marriage.
It’s the same with college. You don’t need a college experience as portrayed on TV to have a college degree. The college experience – living on campus, attending all the events, hanging out with friends after classes – is great. But it’s not necessary or obligatory. You can get a degree without the experience.
The experience is definitely expensive. People get into the mentality that it’s worth saddling yourself with enormous debt very early in life, and that’s a mistake. We need more acceptance of limiting factors. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it. You can still have your college education even if you start later in life and don’t do the dorm / activities / lounging around doing nothing for 4 years. I started my BA at almost 23, never lived in a dorm, worked several part-time crappy jobs at any given time, belonged to no student clubs and attended no activities because I had to work. And ended up having more degrees than any regular person can possibly wish for. All we need is to learn to accept reality and exist within its constraints.
I know a young mother of two who isn’t getting married because there’s no money for a wedding of her dreams. To me, it’s absolutely nutso-crazy-boom-boom. Thankfully, nobody is offering wedding loans en masse, so at least she isn’t getting into debt to finance the experience.
By the way, experience economy is a neoliberal invention, and I can talk about it later to prevent this post from getting even longer.