In the years I’ve lived in this town (since 2009), I’ve made 5 friends. Is that too few? Is it an abnormally low number at my age? I don’t mean acquaintances. I have many of those. I mean actual friends. People who’ve seen me cry. People who call me to drive them to the doctor’s for a bad diagnosis. Real friends. People who call to ask how my mom’s second round of immunotherapy that she started yesterday went or to share that they had a fight with the husband or a falling out with a sister.
Out of those five, two moved out of state. One more told me yesterday she’s also moving out of state. And I don’t mean across the river to Missouri kind of out of state. I mean, New Jersey, Florida, and Baltimore.
One more friend became politically radicalized and doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
So what I’m saying is that you, people, are my friends. Nobody knows me as well as you do aside from my husband, sister and one remaining friend.
Clarissa's Blog 
Your experience echoes mine. I’ve lost those kinds of friends through many years to: 1. Suicide after terminal cancer diagnosis: “to spare those closest to me of having to watch me die”; 2. Being driven off by, unbeknownst to me at the time, narcissistic new wife; 3. Grief, or ? after death of 5th wife (Jack Morman, sequential); just stopped responding and lived 5 hours away; 4. Conviction for sexually abusing his grandaughter (his now former wife remains that kind of friend).
Perhaps my utter lack of social skills in not perceiving #2 or #4 sooner may make my experience atypical. Enjoyment of this blog may be a filter.
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I’m so sorry, I really am. My only remaining friend received a stage 4 metastatic cancer diagnosis last month. She’s the healthiest-living woman I have ever met. This is incomprehensible.
My 5 friends are extremely different ethnically, racially, educationally, economically, linguistically, and in family status. And age wise. The only thing they all have in common is that all 5 are extremely politicized. Two are far-right and three are far-left. It’s funny how that ended up being my selection criterion. I didn’t meet them at political rallies or anything like that. One is from work, one from church, one I met at the park, another at the library, and one more is a friend of an acquaintance. All ended up being crazy into politics. None of them are into reading a whole lot.
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This might be an American thing. A lot of foreigners who have moved to the U.S. have told me, “Americans are very nice, very generous, but it’s very hard to form intimate relationships here.” I’ve heard this from people from Asia, Europe, Africa, and South America.
It also might be a man / woman thing. The only truly intimate friends I (a man) have are women. American men don’t do intimacy with each other. You’re a special case. As you’ve pointed out, you are a very weird person and you probably have a hard time finding intellectual equals.
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I’m not looking for academic types, actually. The friend who’s moving to Maryland doesn’t have her high school diploma and is an undocumented immigrant from Africa. I’m actually at my happiest among working class people.
The friend who moved to Florida was an administrative assistant. The one who moved to NJ was a stay-at-home mother.
Am I really weird? I wouldn’t say I’m all that weird. 😆😆😆
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I consider you an often annoying friend, like some of my other annoying friends, who consider me also an annoying friend.
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