My kid’s go-to is, “Mommy, can you tell me that story again about how you were completely normal during COVID?” The story lasts practically longer than World War I, and I can’t resist the need to share it.
9 responses to “Bedtime Tactic”
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We can almost measure “ages and stages” by what topics our children use to derail bedtime. Youngest has discovered it’s outrageous theology questions. At four, it was like “What kind of truck does God have?” and then we graduated to stuff like “Is the Theotokos bigger than St. Nicholas?” and my personal favorite: “So is God the Father just a head without a body?” (he had registered the ‘bodiless’ part but was not clear on the precise implications).
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We can all come up with brilliant ideas when we’re not on the spot 😉
When little dude asks me this stuff, I usually say: “Let’s ask your Dad.” Mostly because I’m evil and I want to see what he says when *he* gets dragged into the end of:
Dude: So God is everywhere all around us. Does that mean he’s like a gas?
Me: Uhhh. Sorta?
Dude: So if I just keep my mouth shut, God can’t come in?
Me: That’s not really how it works. It’s more like radiation, that can go right through?
Dude: But God won’t kill you like radiation, right?
(oh no, what have I done?)
Me: (cop out!) Let’s ask your Dad!
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Wow, even your daughter knows this about your mom?
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When Klara first learned to jump, we were all cheering and celebrating. “Good job, baby! See how well you jump!”
Grandma got up, got between us and the toddler and started jumping. When we asked her to move away a bit, so we could see the baby, she freaked out.
“When she jumps, everybody celebrates, but when I do it, nobody cares!” she wailed.
It’s not a single situational thing. It’s always like that.
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I remember my son (must’ve been five or six ant the time) asking in quick succession, quite loudly on a bus, ‘Daddy, what is God? Do you fart when you are dead?’
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Kids are such a joy.
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A conservative literary critic and college professor
Clarissa's Blog 
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