I have five aunts. The only one I kind of really get is my aunt Natasha. We don’t have any sort of a relationship because she doesn’t want one. Not just with me. Aunt Natasha doesn’t want a relationship, in its literal meaning of relating to another person, with anybody. The reason I like her is because she has a grand purpose to which she is dedicated with the fanaticism of a medieval monk.
Aunt Natasha’s purpose in life is to find money to send to her middle-aged deadbeat eldest daughter Dasha. Aunt’s status in life is what in Spanish we call una arrimada and in Russian приживалка. This is a person who lives in somebody else’s house and fulfills the functions of a companion / domestic servant. Aunt Natasha plays this role in the life of her twin sister. There is no depth of suffering or indignity into which she wouldn’t eagerly sink. Yesterday she had a medical procedure that involved general anesthesia. Pretty much immediately after coming to, Aunt Natasha returned to her slave-like duties. I know what it feels like to wake up from a general anesthesia and go from zero to a hundred without a break, pushing items off a to-do list in service of an overarching goal. I respect this degree of commitment.
Aunt’s life is utterly devoid of dignity but I still like her. She’s like Amy from Gone Girl or Mark Dooher from John Lescroart’s Guilt. These are both very negative characters. But their insane dedication to their purpose is irresistible. Just so you understand, Aunt is pushing 70. Imagine having a purpose in life that is so grandiose that it would drag you off an operating table at this age, ready to go and commit veritable feats in pursuit of your goal. Even a shitty goal, such as coddling an overgrown princess of a daughter, is better than no organizing principle at all. Yes, of course, it’s better to have a more meaningful purpose but at least this is a purpose. How many people just kind of exist without one altogether?
I know somebody who told me, “I don’t understand what my purpose in life is. I have no idea what I am living for.” Two months later this person received a terrible diagnosis. On the positive side, he now has an organizing principle. He has an overarching goal, which is to beat the disease. I keep thinking, though, that it would have been better if he had discovered an organizing purpose before locating one in a terrible illness.
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