Incomprehension

Published by

Clarissa

July 7, 2026

After having a kid, my and N’s incapacity to understand what the absolute ef was wrong with our parents reached cosmic proportions.

To give a single example, there is absolutely no way in the known universe that I would leave my kid at home alone with an infant, even now that she is ten. Imagining her babysitting a baby at the age of six, like I routinely did, is an impossibility. For the longest time, I thought it was cute and normal that my parents had me do that at such an early age. It’s only after my kid became six, seven, eight, and so on that I truly understood how insane that situation was. There were no harsh objective conditions that led to this, by the way. My parents did it simply because they wanted to go out and have fun. They were not lumpens or alcoholics. They were completely sober, highly educated, very intelligent people.

And this is only one small thing. There are many, many others.

So instead of saying, “Ah, now I finally get it,” I feel more like, “Wait, what?” My whole life acquires a completely different meaning now that I see it from the side of a parent.

Rate this:

5 responses to “Incomprehension”

cliff arroyo

July 7, 2026

” Imagining her babysitting a baby at the age of six”

What’s even crazier was that this was the ussr where only about 12% of people had phones…. so even if there was a phone where you lived there was no guarantee of being able to reach your parents until they returned home….

Nuts.

LikeLike

Reply
1. Clarissa
  
  July 7, 2026
  
  I remember my mother telling me that they will be back at 11. I could not tell time at that age, and the clock we had used Roman numerals, so it was completely undecipherable to me.
  
  The really ridiculous part is that we had extremely involved, present, and eager to babysit grandparents and great-grandparents close by. But my parents didn’t want to tell them that they were going out with friends on a work night. They were respectively 28 and 30 years old at that time. The whole thing is out of this world crazy.
  
  Of course, my husband’s situation when he was growing up was much more insane.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  
  Reply
Anonymous

July 7, 2026

I understand my parents better, but not completely, post kids. But they had my sisters driving us to school practically as soon as they had drivers’ licenses, and that part remains pretty weird. Sure, there was less traffic in our town then, and not so many people driving around blitzed on legal weed. But they were not good drivers at that age. We knew it. They knew it. And my approaching-driving age kid: I cannot imagine assigning him to drive his siblings anywhere anytime soon.

“it was a different time” of course, but…

ethyl

LikeLiked by 2 people

Reply
xykademiqz

July 7, 2026

I do understand my parents better in that I understand their negative impulses (feeling tired, annoyed, irritated, disappointed, or frustrated with your kid or with life in general). They had a crappy marriage, which must’ve sucked.

What I don’t understand is why they weren’t able to get a grip and keep a lid on their worst impulses; why they couldn’t act like a calm adult human, and instead I had to grow up hypersensitive to their mercurial moods, thinking I was the most annoying person on the planet whom nobody could possibly love. The only way to get some positive feedback was to make them proud, so of course I became a massive overachiever.

Now that I’ve been a parent—and without any grandparent or family support that my parents had when my sibling and I were growing up—I absolutely judge my parents because they could’ve and should’ve done so much better. I grew up thinking I sucked, life was shit, and marriage and family were perpetual gloom and misery. I had no idea you could love your spouse and your kids and have the absolute best time with them. I had no idea kids could be 100% relaxed at home and look forward to breaks and vacations, because I hated time off and couldn’t wait to to go back to school.

LikeLiked by 2 people

Reply
1. Clarissa
  
  July 7, 2026
  
  Last year, my mother turned for two weeks into a normal mother. Then she got bored and switched back to the factory setting. My sister and I were stunned. It turned out that she had always been capable of being normal. She simply chose not to. This was eye-opening.
  
  LikeLiked by 2 people
  
  Reply

Clarissa's Blog