As a two-time immigrant, I’m most seriously opposed to this project. I’m not a mental invalid or a child. I made my own decisions and am living with their consequences, both good and bad. Nobody can make me feel anything. You are not my mommy and I’m not your toddler.
And what did I do to merit this daily soul-searching in front of a mirror? Moved? That’s my big, heroic feat? That I packed up my stuff and moved? My decision to move in pursuit of my own private goals places an obligation on people who never asked me to do it? Why is it that this particular personal decision is so privileged over any other? Why don’t we concentrate on how to make life easier for pregnant women, families with 3+ children, the elderly, the veterans?
Even among close friends such behavior would be creepy. Imagine your best friend telling you that she stands in front of a mirror every single day wondering how she can make your life better. You’d think she’s gone mental. You’d tell other people, “poor Lucy, I think she’s not well.” Because we all know that this isn’t a normal way of engaging among adults. Nobody wants to be anybody’s pity project.
I am deeply grateful that first Canada and then America accepted me as an immigrant. I don’t expect anything beyond that. To the contrary, I want to demonstrate that I provide value, that I’m not a drain. It actually feels really good to be able to say, “I put an enormous effort into assimilating, my child is as American as they get, I’m law-abiding, I’m productive, I’m not a drain on welfare resources, I pay a lot in taxes.” I received a big gift by being allowed to come. Now I must reciprocate. At the very least, I should try not to turn my presence into a punishment for the locals.
This Senator thinks he’s being kind but he’s completely counterproductive. This is a perfect example of what they call toxic empathy.



