There was a colleague who really detested me. And the feeling was completely mutual. There was no specific reason for this dislike. She never did anything to me, nor I to her. We just couldn’t stand each other. In the 11 years we worked together, we barely exchanged half a dozen full sentences. I could see her roll her eyes whenever I passed her by in the hallways. This was a decade of strong shared dislike based on the vague feeling that we were completely different people.

During COVID we ended up having to talk. We were the only two faculty members who showed up every day, so we were forced to work together. It was very uncomfortable at first. But then we both realized that each of us was the other’s dream work partner. We complemented each other perfectly. We finished each other’s sentences. We communicated with a look, a half smile, and together we achieved an enormous lot. We started hanging out socially, and it turned out that we could have a lot of fun together.

Our initial feelings about each other were wrong. Feelings can be wrong. Instincts, hunches, and perceptions can be completely ass-backwards wrong. I have no idea when this noxious belief that feelings are sacred and should never be questioned arose but it’s dumb. Anything can and should be questioned.

My colleague is now retired and we are great friends still. I miss her at work every day and realize how stupid it was to have wasted a decade where we could have been doing things together over a dumb feeling.