Tag: reading recommendations

Book Notes: Moa Herngren’s The Divorce

~ Clarissa ~ 2 Comments

After 32 years of “daily arguments about gender roles”, Niklas walks out on his wife Bea. Instantly, Bea’s sense of simmering irritation with the man she perceives as in constant need of her guidance turns to concern. Yes, she’s annoyed that Niklas spends too much time at the hospital where he works as a doctor, even though his earnings allow her to “do something meaningful with her life” in a vanity job. But still, how dare he walk out and avoid doing the chores she assigned to him!

Bea hops on her bike and rides in search of the wayward Niklas. It does cross her mind that she should have brushed her teeth and combed her hair but she rejects the idea of making herself look good for her husband. Sweaty, stinky, in Birkenstocks over grubby socks, she confronts Niklas and is stunned by his refusal to scurry back home. I could have stopped reading right then because people who wear Birkenstocks over socks have nobody to blame when their marriages collapse but I’m very interested in the “wifely drama” genre.

Women use books like Moa Herngren’s The Divorce to run through all sorts of scenarios that can imperil a marriage and find solutions before a problem arises. “Husband suddenly walks out” is one of the favorite female scenarios to explore. Herngren makes it way too easy for her readers, though, offering up an image of such a sad excuse for a wife that one would have to try really hard to reach her level of marital uselessness. Bea’s inability to formulate a single sentence free of exasperation or demand is comical, and so is her shock at finding out that this approach doesn’t evoke deep sexual longing towards her in her husband.

Niklas is a piss poor husband, too, of course. He’s man enough to get himself a girlfriend but is so terrified of his wife that he fails to inform her of that fact for months, forcing the miserable, Birkenstocked Bea to beg him, again and again, to tell her why he isn’t living at home.

There are still some useful things one can pick up from The Divorce, though. For instance, Bea is shocked to discover that Niklas left her for Maria Axelsson, a woman with scented candles and animal-print cushions, whom Bea and Niklas had spent years ridiculing. Lesson 1: if a man spends years ridiculing some random woman, he likes her. She’s a source of danger, especially if she is armed with animal-print cushions and you wear sandals over socks and don’t use deodorant.

Lesson 2: telling a dude that you want him “to take initiative” by doing exactly what you want him to do while looking enthusiastic is not going to lead anyplace nice. When a man takes initiative, there’s a strong probability that you won’t always like how that looks, so don’t be a Bea and demand initiative when what you really want is slavish obedience.

I don’t know if we have any young, unmarried people around here but this novel is a veritable textbook on how to screw up a marriage. With anybody less beaten down than the miserable Niklas, it would take only a few years of Bea’s marriage-killing strategies to turn the relationship into a smouldering wreck. Read The Divorce and do the exact opposite if you want your marriage to thrive.

The novel is a lot of fun, people. Highly recommended, enjoyable, light reading that’s screaming fun. Read it in a day to get rid of the horrible aftertaste from Claudia Piñeiro’s The Time of the Flies, and the remedy worked.

Saturday Link Encyclopedia and Self-Promotion

~ Clarissa ~ 16 Comments

The crop of great posts has been really good this week, which is why I’m posting it a day early. Otherwise it will grow to an even more humongous size. Sorry if it’s too huge. I just didn’t want to deprive people of some really good sources. If enough readers tell me that they want to see a shorter Link Encyclopedia, I’ll try to control myself in the future.

A really great article on why teenagers spend so much time online. (If you have no time to read the article: because that’s the only place where they can be away from the gaze of the helicoptering parents.)

An absolutely brilliant article on the parents who concealed their son’s gender for five years. “She is afraid to break society’s rules. That’s why she got someone else to be transgressive for her. She wants to be (thought of as) a progressive, to (appear to) challenge society’s rules, but being a coward she instead forces her kid to bear all of the negative consequences of this challenge.” That’s what I’ve been saying from the start.

“French Children Don’t Throw Food.” And their poop surely smells of roses.

I’ve read many fantastic posts during the Blog for Choice Day, but this one really stands out.

Adjuncting and Stockholm Syndrome. Casualization of academic work force is a tragedy for educators and students alike.

A great post and great comments on the nature of privilege.

Some well-known facts about abortion that the anti-choice crowd somehow manages to disregard.

Zizek on the revolt of the salaried bourgeoisie.

An anti-bullying campaign. Visit, link, spread the word! Bullying is never acceptable.

“Newt, in his latest flight of fantasy, has no hesitation in declaring that the Moon will become America’s 51st state during his second-term presidency. . . Presumably, the Moon State will provide Newt with an inexhaustible supply of ever-younger wenches and an inexhaustible supply of pork to satisfy his twin appetites.”

What science isn’t.

The creepiest pictures of mothers holding children that you will ever see.

Arranged marriage explained in depth by somebody who knows what they are talking about. Great post!

I recently found this fascinating blog of a Dutchman in Missouri. Highly recommended.

Finally, somebody writes a post dispelling the pernicious mythology surrounding the physiology of the hymen: “It usually doesn’t bleed. Any blood with first penetration is more likely due to general vaginal tearing from lack of lubrication.” Got it, ignoramuses? This is what I’ve been saying for years, but people never wanted to listen.

“The Canadian immigration minister who banned the face-covering burqa in citizenship courts was honored by a Muslim group Sunday. The Muslim Canadian Congress praised Jason Kenney at a Toronto reception for prohibiting new citizens from wearing the apparel during swearing-in ceremonies, clothing described by former Congress President Farzana Khan as symbols of gender inequality and Islamic extremism.”

A woman kidnaps and sexually assaults two 11-year-old boys and gets only two years in jail for that. Completely egregious.

The hypocrisy of Rand Paul. I know you know this but this particular instance is seriously funny. In a very disturbing sort of way, of course. just like everything he does.

“Finally, when talking about evolved differences in behavior between males and females one cannot make statements like “when it comes to personality men and women belong to two different species”  without noting the biological reality that we are, indeed, the same species.  There are no consistent brain differences between the sexes [iii], there is incredible overlap in our physiological function [iv], we engage in sexual activity in more or less the same patterns [v], and we overlap extensively in most other behavior as well.”

If you are or planning to look for a job in academia, here is a fascinating account of what factors influence the hiring decisions. This rings very true to me, people. This is exactly how things are, and you need to be prepared. Don’t believe anybody’s slogans. Listen to what this anonymous poster tells you.

Another important piece of advice for PhD students: “Start cultivating a third or fourth recommendation letter writer who is not from your Ph.D. granting institution. This may come as a surprise to some of you, but having all of your letters come from faculty from your Ph.D. institution/committee is a sure-fire sign of a job candidate “Not Ready For Prime Time.”

If there is one thing I absolutely detest, it’s animal print. It’s so incredibly vulgar that I can’t stand even to look at it. It seems that it’s coming back into fashion, so poor me.

If you missed the State of the Union address this week, make sure you read this hilarious account of it.

Male victims of sexual assault.

Why is it that everything one ever reads about Israel is so supremely stupid. See this, for example: “If the occupation is destroying Israel’s fundamental character, dismantling the state, and corrupting the people, as Gorenberg contends, then Zionists above all should want to end it, as swiftly and comprehensively as possible, and not try to hold out for the most favorable terms.” I thought we had moved away from discussing the “fundamental character” of nations. How can anybody write books about nation-building without learning even the basic facts of how this process works? Jeez, people, when will this endless stream of “they just need to stop building new settlements and recognize Palestine because it would help them restore their fundamental national character” finally end? How is it possible not to see that such pronouncements are right at the level of “let them eat cake”?

“2013 will be ugly.  If Obama wins he will stop pandering to progressives and liberals.  Since he never has to be reelected again, he will be even worse than he was 2009-2011.  If you want anything from Obama, anything, get it before the election, do not believe promises, do not accept promises, accept cash only.  If Romney or Gingrich wins, well, it’s not going to be any better. SOPA and PIPA will be back in 2013 in some form.” Does anybody doubt these predictions? If so, please be so kind as to explain your reasoning to me in the comments and I promise not to argue or even object. I so want to believe.

“If at first the jerks try to stop you, try again.” (This could have been written by me but it wasn’t.) A brave kid defies stupid bureaucrats and helicoptering adults and fulfills her dream. I wish I had more of such feel-good stories to share with you.

Google is going to start tracking what its users do online even more aggressively than before. If you use more than one Google service (say, the email, the Google Calendars, and YouTube), you need to be aware of this and maybe take some action.

Paulo Coelho on SOPA: “Pirates of the world, unite and pirate everything I’ve ever written!”

A post where I get blamed. But this is the kind of blame I am more than willing to accept.

Bloomberg Businessweek thinks that placing a photo of a bloodied and beaten face of Mitt Romney on its cover is funny and appropriate. I find it completely disgusting that violence should be treated in such a cavalier way.

30 top reasons why women don’t get pay raises. Very funny.

If you are a progressive who is sick and tired of voting for the Democrats in the “lesser evil” principle, I think you will find that this post has perfectly articulated your feelings on the subject of American politics. I know it did that for me. A very good post from a talented blogger.

A brilliant strategy to bring thousands of visitors to your blog overnight. I wish I had thought of it. But at least I can be proud that my dear colleague did.

How memes are crated and spread around. Very insightful.

Spain’s unemployment rises to 22.9%. This is tragic, people. Me duele España.

And the award for the most brilliant post of the week, or maybe even the month, goes to: “No woman should need to announce her womanhood, her personhood, either by having a kid or by asserting her “choice” in not having a kid.  At the end of the day, a woman’s personhood shouldn’t have a thing in the world to do with her reproductive organs. That, for me, should be the point of reproductive choice.” It’s nice to know that such brilliant people exist.

Sunday Link Encyclopedia and Self-Promotion

~ Clarissa ~ 13 Comments

Have you heard about Gisella Perl? If not, you really need to. Please read this great and important post. We should not forget heroes like Gisella Perl.

A great blogger is asking for help.

“Having read the proposed content of the fifth version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, known by psychologists as DSM-5, I now realise the entire family is a psychiatric basket case and should be ingesting a bucket-load of prescription medication.”

A funny anecdote about teaching.

And this is how Canadians shop for food, at least in Toronto. Warning: this post should not be read on an empty stomach.

For teachers and public speakers: how to preserve vocal health.

A very insightful post on how to discover what it is you really want to be doing.

Does modernity cause autism? This is probably the most profound post I have read about autism in a while.

How to write an article over the winter break. Useful, insightful practical advice.

What’s in store for China?

Striking clothes a woman in Russia makes for herself. The text is in Russian, but don’t mind that. Just look at the photos. This is all hand-made, including the hats and the coats.

It’s so great to find out that I’m not the only person who drops everything and starts making wishes while staring intently at the clock when 11:11 strikes. How come such superstitions transcend all possible borders?

This is the most offensive, nasty piece of garbage anybody could have come up with in response to the Sandusky rape allegations. I strongly suspect that the person who wrote this article is being paid to discredit the cause of feminism. Surely, nobody can really be that dense?

Toothless feminism: I kept yelling “yes” to every word of this post, which made my husband suspect I was watching porn instead of reading posts on feminism.

Well-deserved ridicule for Russia’s ridiculous election-time propaganda.