Patrick Coleman has a lot of very good insights, but like all shamanic types he has had to buy these at a huge price. He produced some very interesting videos on his experiences and background. Patrick is a gay man whose life and relationship were attacking by the families who did not want them to be together., He then began drinking himself to death, had a seizure and is now in rehab.
As I said, shamanic types pay a tremendous price for their insights. I think Marechera said it well, although in a stream of consciousness statement that one may be “wrecked out of one’s wounds”. When everything is destroyed, the insights start coming, and then one starts to rebuild. The old wounds, however — such as one’s susceptibility to narcissistic control — no longer hurt.
Because it’s not a choice. Nobody is a shaman by choice. Take Marechera. He was a victim of war nerves. His nerves were shattered. And I only started getting shamanic insights after I was attacked simultaneously by both the cultural right and the cultural left — bullied at work and bullied at home. I made a video recently about how ego defences seem to break down when one is extremely tired or stressed. I hypothesise that a shaman is someone who gains insights into their own ego defences under extreme duress. And, of course, their insights can help others.
But certainly nobody is ever a shaman by choice. the ancient pictures depict a shaman as one who has been pierced by an arrow. Shamanic initiation is a disgusting and horrible experience.
I don’t think I am qualified to speak on whether narcissism is a choice. I know that during the nineties I did everything I could to try to stop my parents from attacking me and to call attention to the fact that I was being bullied at work, but people told me it was just “whining”. After that I concluded that probably everybody was a narcissist. After all, narcissists close ranks and hunt in packs.
No, I’m just trying to figure it out. I know the damage narcissism causes and I’m interested to what extent people consciously choose to exercise their narcissistic streak.
I think my father chose to exercise his narcissism in order to survive at all. He lacked nourishment from his roots, having taken a few hits in life and then been violently uprooted into another culture. So he just decided to draw from MY emotional reserves, instead. It’s like a drowning man — he grabs onto whatever is available.
So we all 3 have narcissistic / vampiric parents. (And I am convinced there is something like this going on with Vallejo, although I have not figured out what, do not know whether it is possible to figure it out, etc. — or whether it matters now except to satisfy curiosity.)
And you could say Marechera’s mother was the same, as she actually thought she was sending the demon that was in her into her son (literally, I mean).
But this kind of action comes from psychological torment and the fact that one does not have a free flowing river within oneself to draw from. One has to steal the waters of others.
There could be many reasons for this behavior, including extreme spiritual defeat, or learned bad patterns of behavior, or culturally instilled tendencies (like bad farming and bad workmanship). There are many reasons for wanting to steal the waters of others, but being parched and dry and not having any ability to produce water from one’s own well is always the ultimate motive. Therefore people have to be taught how to produce their own liquid energies for themselves, or to replenish these on their own when their wells start to run dry. Many will struggle, if their early childhood experiences have been extremely arid. But what we cannot do is cater to a narcissistic society, where people who are dried out feel entitled to consume from those who a relatively healthier.
Yes. I find great support in your writing on a daily basis. I can’t always comment when I read the posts but I read them all and usually more than once.
There has got to be something up with Vallejo although I cannot prove it. Everyone says his family situation was idyllic. But his parents must have had a lot of psychological pain as children, each of them, and I think he absorbed it. He is also supposed to have been a “strange lover” who “suffered and caused suffering” [in his relationships] (and I am not convinced this was just about Catholic guilt over sex or something — it has to have been in the way of relating more generally).
Ever heard of the “Dark Triad”? A personality type often present in corporate suites which is “the convergence of three personality types Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism.”
Clarissa's Blog 
Patrick Coleman has a lot of very good insights, but like all shamanic types he has had to buy these at a huge price. He produced some very interesting videos on his experiences and background. Patrick is a gay man whose life and relationship were attacking by the families who did not want them to be together., He then began drinking himself to death, had a seizure and is now in rehab.
As I said, shamanic types pay a tremendous price for their insights. I think Marechera said it well, although in a stream of consciousness statement that one may be “wrecked out of one’s wounds”. When everything is destroyed, the insights start coming, and then one starts to rebuild. The old wounds, however — such as one’s susceptibility to narcissistic control — no longer hurt.
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Why not to take a less self-destructive route towards insight, though? Obviously, I’m not criticizing anybody’s experience. I’m simply wondering.
What you are describing sounds like punishing oneself before allowing oneself to access insight.
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Because it’s not a choice. Nobody is a shaman by choice. Take Marechera. He was a victim of war nerves. His nerves were shattered. And I only started getting shamanic insights after I was attacked simultaneously by both the cultural right and the cultural left — bullied at work and bullied at home. I made a video recently about how ego defences seem to break down when one is extremely tired or stressed. I hypothesise that a shaman is someone who gains insights into their own ego defences under extreme duress. And, of course, their insights can help others.
But certainly nobody is ever a shaman by choice. the ancient pictures depict a shaman as one who has been pierced by an arrow. Shamanic initiation is a disgusting and horrible experience.
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Is narcissism a choice, in your system of belief?
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Is that a trap?
I don’t think I am qualified to speak on whether narcissism is a choice. I know that during the nineties I did everything I could to try to stop my parents from attacking me and to call attention to the fact that I was being bullied at work, but people told me it was just “whining”. After that I concluded that probably everybody was a narcissist. After all, narcissists close ranks and hunt in packs.
LikeLike
No, I’m just trying to figure it out. I know the damage narcissism causes and I’m interested to what extent people consciously choose to exercise their narcissistic streak.
LikeLike
I think my father chose to exercise his narcissism in order to survive at all. He lacked nourishment from his roots, having taken a few hits in life and then been violently uprooted into another culture. So he just decided to draw from MY emotional reserves, instead. It’s like a drowning man — he grabs onto whatever is available.
LikeLike
So we all 3 have narcissistic / vampiric parents. (And I am convinced there is something like this going on with Vallejo, although I have not figured out what, do not know whether it is possible to figure it out, etc. — or whether it matters now except to satisfy curiosity.)
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And you could say Marechera’s mother was the same, as she actually thought she was sending the demon that was in her into her son (literally, I mean).
But this kind of action comes from psychological torment and the fact that one does not have a free flowing river within oneself to draw from. One has to steal the waters of others.
There could be many reasons for this behavior, including extreme spiritual defeat, or learned bad patterns of behavior, or culturally instilled tendencies (like bad farming and bad workmanship). There are many reasons for wanting to steal the waters of others, but being parched and dry and not having any ability to produce water from one’s own well is always the ultimate motive. Therefore people have to be taught how to produce their own liquid energies for themselves, or to replenish these on their own when their wells start to run dry. Many will struggle, if their early childhood experiences have been extremely arid. But what we cannot do is cater to a narcissistic society, where people who are dried out feel entitled to consume from those who a relatively healthier.
LikeLike
Yes. I find great support in your writing on a daily basis. I can’t always comment when I read the posts but I read them all and usually more than once.
LikeLiked by 1 person
There has got to be something up with Vallejo although I cannot prove it. Everyone says his family situation was idyllic. But his parents must have had a lot of psychological pain as children, each of them, and I think he absorbed it. He is also supposed to have been a “strange lover” who “suffered and caused suffering” [in his relationships] (and I am not convinced this was just about Catholic guilt over sex or something — it has to have been in the way of relating more generally).
LikeLike
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Ever heard of the “Dark Triad”? A personality type often present in corporate suites which is “the convergence of three personality types Machiavellianism, psychopathy and narcissism.”
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