Now, the way things are is that some people enjoy enacting femininity. You will be shocked but many of us enjoy it not because we want to attract men* but simply because we enjoy it. I, for one, definitely don’t want to attract anybody because I’m in a very happy ultra-monogamous relationship and my partner adores me no matter how I look, what I wear, and what gender identity I choose to enact at any given moment. I know there is a crowd of pseudo-feminists who will rush to suggest that I’m too stupid to understand my own enslavement. For them, enacting femininity is always about pleasing some guy. This says a lot about them and nothing about me.
Culturally, spending an hour doing my make-up and lying in a bath-tub for two hours with my favorite mask on is my way of stating that I have a right to my time. My number one priority in life is enjoying myself and I’ll be damned if I feel guilty for not serving anybody else’s needs every second of my life, as the preceding generations of Soviet women did. On a personal level, I just dig it.
It is perfectly OK not to enjoy enacting your femininity in a very traditional (or any other) way. A decision not to enact it, however, does not make you any more feminist. Just like the decision to do it doesn’t make you any less so.
*In case you don’t believe me, check out this post by a lesbian autistic who loves enacting femininity and sharing this experience with her trans girl-friend. I’m sure we can all agree that no male gaze is being targeted by this couple’s practice of femininity.
Clarissa's Blog 
I agree with you that wearing skirts, make-up, and high heels (or any sort of clothing) should not be interpreted as non-feminist or all about male attraction. However, I find it difficult to reconcile this post with your support of banning niqabs and hijabs. If it is okay for you to justify enacting femininity in a way that could be interpreted in North America anti-feminist by explaining that feminism is different in your culture, why is it not okay for someone to enact femininity in North America via a niqab or hijab? If one cannot assume from your skirt that you support a patriarchal system, then one should also not assume that someone wearing a hijab supports a patriarchal system. (Personally, I think all of these discussions are simply indications of a societal obsession with women’s clothing (not just in North America) as an easy distraction from more important issues. While it is tempting to just categorize people according to dress, and some people do dress to be categorized by others, these are problematic assumptions, as you point out).
LikeLike
That’s a good point.
Clarissa, you wrote: “I don’t think that I have to modify who I am because of other people’s struggles, issues, and complexities.”
It wouldn’t be fair, then, to ask immigrant Muslim women to modify who they are when they come to this country.
LikeLike
You are not reading my sentence until the end. 🙂 I didn’t stop at “modify who I am.” I continued with “because of other people’s struggles, etc.” An immigrant – any immigrant – who is planning not to modify their way of being after immigration is either deluded or completely anti-social. I have modified many things in my worldview and behavior after I immigrated. I didn’t do it “because of other people’s struggles, etc.”, though.
LikeLike
It’s disturbing to me that in their zeal to defend burqas people will ascribe to me really weird things. I’m fully integrated into my new society, thank you very much. If I wore the kinds of clothes and the amount of make-up I wore in my country here in North America, I’d never get employed. And my neighbors would think I made my living by prostitution. I left all of my whorish outfits (i.e. all of my outfits) at home when I emigrated.
This post is not addressed to the North-American society that, supposedly, doesn’t accept me and categorizes me because of the way I dress. The post was aimed at a small group of pseudo-feminists, that is absolutely all. I have modified my way of being a lot as an immigrant. Every responsible person should. But there is a huge difference between what you do as part of a political movement and as a citizen. And you are trying to dilute that difference.
As for burqas as a way of enacting femininity, once again, I am not into diluting concepts. This way we will arrive to a conclusion that when a man beats up a woman in the middle of the street, that’s their way of enacting femininity and masculinity. It makes absolutely no sense to apply one culture’s concept to a completely different culture, as I said many times.
LikeLike
So why should muslim immigrant women modify themselves because the hijab is perceived to be a sign of oppression in the US? Don’t they have the right to enact femininity the way it is practiced in their culture, the same way you enact yours?
LikeLike
“So why should muslim immigrant women modify themselves because the hijab is perceived to be a sign of oppression in the US?”
-I said on numerous occasions that I really dislike arguing with weird statements ascribed to me. When did I say that “muslim immigrant women should modify themselves”? Didn’t I say two minutes ago that EVERY immigrant (no gender, no culture in particular) should modify their worldview? Is that not what I said? When did I say that burqas should be banned “because the hijab is perceived to be a sign of oppression in the US”? I made my arguments for the banning of burqas abundantly clear many times. The phrase “because the hijab is perceived to be a sign of oppression in the US” did not make an appearance. I am very spare with the use of the passive tense, so let’s not ascribe to me things I didn’t say.
“Don’t they have the right to enact femininity the way it is practiced in their culture, the same way you enact yours?”
-If you could do me a favor and turn the American television on right now. Watch any movie, sitcom, soap opera or anything for a while. I can guarantee to you that when the program you choose is over, you will have seen dozens of women who enact femininity the way I try to and not a single one who enacts it in a burqa.
LikeLike
My point (which is different than where this discussion is headed but I am interested in your take on) is simply that you cannot tell what a woman’s worldview or stance on feminism is by what she is wearing. You gave the example of wearing high heels, skirts, and make-up, which some people in North America interpret as anti-feminist, and you (and I for that matter) do not. Another example of this is covering one’s hair or head in a traditionally Islamic way (as opposed to a hat or winter scarf) which some people in North America (including you, I believe, although please correct me if I’m wrong) interpret as anti-feminist. However, this tells you no more about an individual woman’s worldview than a skirt and heels does. Therefore, I don’t understand your objection to these items of clothing (although I do understand your objection to what you think they represent, if that makes sense). As I said earlier, I think most societies choose to assume women’s worldviews from their clothing because this takes only a glance, rather than having to think and discuss. However, I personally believe this is problematic, for reasons like those you address in this post.
LikeLike
“My point (which is different than where this discussion is headed but I am interested in your take on) is simply that you cannot tell what a woman’s worldview or stance on feminism is by what she is wearing. ”
-Of course. I’m not trying to do that.
” Therefore, I don’t understand your objection to these items of clothing (although I do understand your objection to what you think they represent, if that makes sense).”
– I have blogged about burqas and niqabs many times. Among all of the arguments I adduced in favor of banning them, I never used the word “anti-feminist.” Here are links to my posts on the subject:
https://clarissasblog.com/2011/06/07/what-purpose-headscarves-really-serve/
https://clarissasblog.com/2010/03/20/quebec-against-the-niqab-finally/
https://clarissasblog.com/2009/06/20/burqa/
There is a lot more and it can be found by means of the search box on the blog.
I think you might be confusing me with those folks who want to ban burqas to “liberate” women who wear them. I have condemned such a position many many times. The last thing on my mind is to judge whether one is oppressed and impose my kind of freedom on them. If women who wear burqas say they are not oppressed, I am the last person to doubt that. As I said many, many times, my opposition to burqas is not based on worrying about other women’s rights. I only and very specifically worry about mine.
For me, this is not a feminist issue (which I have also said many many times.) It’s an issue of integrating immigrants. I’m just as opposed to a Sikh boy bringing a dagger into a Canadian classroom. I’m just as opposed to selling alcohol and cigarettes to 7-year-olds, even though it was a regular practice in post-Soviet Ukraine.
LikeLike
I have read most of your posts on the burqa issue (and just reviewed some of them) and perhaps I am missing something, but I do not understand why an article of clothing is offensive to you, or how banning it (or allowing it for that matter) would help immigrants integrate (and of course, not everyone who wears this type of clothing is an immigrant). I understand why you would not like to see women on leashes or demeaned in the street, but one can wear a burqa without a leash and I see American children on leashes without burqas and American women demeaned in the street (I don’t know about Canada here). To me, in your posts it does sound like you think this type of clothing represents certain cultural practices you find offensive. I think this link is problematic, so I don’t understand your position on banning them (or how it would make a difference). Daggers, alcohol, and cigarettes all seem like harmful items to me, so it is difficult for me to compare them to clothing, but if you have non-harmful examples, I’m willing to think about that.
LikeLike
You read my story about a burqa-clad student in my classroom, right? As of now, nobody has explained to me how I could have handled the issue. I keep asking but every burqa defender prefers to keep silent on the matter.
There are many articles of clothing I am not allowed to wear to work. I think such restrictions should apply to everybody because, otherwise, we just promote inequality.
“I see American children on leashes without burqas and American women demeaned in the street”
-I support outlawing these practices, too.
LikeLike
Clarissa, can you point me to that story? I’m really curious to read it given that we got into this discussion on my blog, too.
LikeLike
And now I can’t find it. Which is no surprise, given that I now have 2400+ posts.
I think I’ll just publish the story in a separate post and, since people seem to be very interested in the issue, they can provide their own responses.
LikeLike
Done!
LikeLike
““I see American children on leashes”
-I support outlawing these practices, too.
Have you heard of this:
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/07/19/this-week-in-mother-blaming-child-runs-onto-road-mother-convicted/
Of course, one could tell her not to be so poor as to have to travel with kids to buy food and to look better after 3 kids + bags, but imo if your 2-4 year old has a tendency to start running somewhere, as some small children have, preventing him/her running into traffic is of the 1st priority. Holding by hand isn’t always possible. I don’t think leashes are insulting for small children and trust parents to make decisions on their children’s safety in their privite circumstances. Outlawing is a HUGE step and I am against it in most cases. If you personally don’t approve of leashes, you can start TV campaign , explain why not, why leashes are worse than alcohol, cigarettes, junk food and 1001 damaging, but legal things.
LikeLike
Sorry, unlike the other things I mentioned, I and many others don’t see the problem with leashes. I just imagined having a small, stupid, but very fast child and…
LikeLike
I don’t think you have much of a chance to have a stupid child. 🙂
I know a man who was very much in favor of putting on a helmet on his 1 year old girl. because she might fall down and hurt her head. he was also very supportive of the idea of the leash. I just imagined this poor toddler, in a helmet and on a leash, and I kind of felt sorry for her.
We talked him out of it, though.
LikeLike