Comments on Sex During Menstruation

I’ve just read a really good, interesting post on sexual activity during menstruation. The post was great, but then I read the comments. And now I’m sitting here trying to figure out if people made them facetiously or in earnest.

Take this one, for example:

I have absolutely no interest in having sex during the one or two heavier days of my period–it’s unpleasant, distracting, and dare I say it, GROSS.

People should feel free to have or not to have sex whenever and wherever they do or don’t feel like it. But I couldn’t help wondering how sex can be distracting. Distracting from what? Do people sit there concentrating intellectually on their menstruations, or what?

Or this one:

And here I thought sex was supposed to be consensual! Nothing like a little social coercion to get adults to do things they don’t want to.

Oh? and thank god that many adult relationship are built on more than sex.

It’s really curious how whenever somebody mentions the word “sex”, there will always be somebody who will try to steer the conversation towards consent and towards how there are other things in life than sex. Yes, there are. But mentioning this fact in this context is as silly as leaving a comment to a post dedicated to the upcoming elections saying that there are other things to care about than politics.

Respecting women doesn’t mean that you have to think that everything that comes out of their bodies is awesome and should be touched. Very few people think that because shit is a sign of a natural, healthily-functioning body, you have contempt for your partner if you don’t want to get covered in it during sex.

I find an attempt to equate menstrual blood with excrement to be deeply disturbing. I find it to be even more disturbing when it appears on a feminist site. Of course, it’s always possible this was just an MRA trolling.

And this one is definitely an MRA troll:

As a sex positive male, I have yet to have a relationship with a woman who did not view her own period (among other things, including oral in general) as gross. The best solution for my experiences is to make dinner (because I like to nothing more or less) and curl up with books or TV.

“Oh, it isn’t me who considers female bodily functions to be gross. It’s all women themselves who feel this way. I’m just a nice, understanding guy who makes dinner.” Bleh.

And my favorite:

Also orgasms are quite soothing for cramps IME. So its *medicinal*. Of course now that I have mirena its not an issue…I love medical technology.

This one has got to be facetious, right? Even though there are no smiley faces. But the commenter is kidding, right? RIGHT? We are still not at the stage of “Oh, to hell with orgasms, let me go down some pills instead”, are we?

32 thoughts on “Comments on Sex During Menstruation”

  1. What, no comments on how the wetter the slide, the more fun the ride? 😛
    On note, Mirena isn’t a pill, it’s an IUD coil, and it probably halts menstruation as a result of the hormones it releases.

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  2. As far as I know, there are specifically designed tampons to have sex with during menstruation. They are kinda donut-shaped, not very deep and very soft. A friend of mine had them lying on the kitchen table once and i inquired what they were.

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    1. That sounds like the contraceptive sponge, which I’m allergic to. Where do you get those tampons, though? I would be interested in them. Also FYI everybody, a good reason to have a diaphragm is, it catches the blood in the way these tampons would.

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  3. I left a comment on that post. I couldn’t resist. I kept refreshing the page-it kept me entertained at work all night. I can’t even take that blog seriously anymore; the commenters are so ridiculous.

    I mean, seriously? Period sex is controversial for feminists now? My mind, blown.

    Nominatissima,

    I was waiting for it. Color me shocked when I read the numerous comments insisting that menstrual blood is a bad lubricant. What.

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      1. Did you check out the trackbacks? An MRA fan of Jill’s has written about that post as well, breaking down exactly why being pro-period sex makes one a misandrist.

        This post just may keep me entertained all weekend.

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        1. Ah, thanks for the tip! I haven’t been back there since I linked to the post yesterday, but now I should go.

          The fact that this topic is arousing so much passions is a testimony to the overwhelming prudishness of Americans.

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          1. I think a couple of the facetious commenters are right; this is going to be one of the big, 300+ comment posts.

            Indeed. With all the to-do about bodily fluids, I wonder how the hell these people manage to have sex at all.

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            1. I honestly would have never guessed that, in this day and age, this would give rise to so much controversy. 🙂 And I couldn’t agree more with your comment about the weird attitude to bodily fluids.

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        2. Even more entertaining is Jill’s insistence on boundaries, except when they’re set by men.

          Feministe: The feminist 4chan of the internet. Because now menstrual blood = semen. And now you’re a misogynist for not wanting to slurp it like it’s candy.

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          1. I think that slurping or not – whatever the substance under discussion is – can be safely left in the area of individual sexual preference. The healthy (in my view) attitude is the one where you do or do not perform a sexual activity because you do or do not find it sexually exciting. Talking about such things as huge ideological statements is as weird as suggesting that a couple who is, say, into vanilla missionary sex cannot engage in subversive political activism outside of the bedroom.

            Of course, when people start with the whole “Oh, sperm / anal sex / oral sex / menstrual sex, etc., that’s just gross”, this just shows how infantile they are in sexual matters.

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        3. Ugh, and I nearly vomited in my mouth when I saw the following sentence on the original post that set this off:

          “And, as one very attentive young man once pointed out to me,’It would be disrespectful to a woman’s body to tell her when she can and can’t have sex.’ Amen to that.”

          Sense of sexual entitlement? Check. Hypocrisy? Check.

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          1. Considering there are many commenters making wild generalizations about women and men who do enjoy period sex, I would say that comment is right on. You think it’s gross, fine, don’t do it. But I’m not having sex with you if you think I’m gross for a fourth of my adult life. And saying women are gross while they’re menstruating is rude. That’s all anyone on the pro side is saying. And I’m not seeing how that is hypocritical or sexually entitled. Or rather, how my preference for men who don’t think I’m nasty makes me an entitled prat.

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            1. Honestly, I’d lose interest in anybody who described anything sex related or body related as “gross” or “disgusting.” That’s kind of too immature for my liking. A polite, adult ‘I’m sorry, I’m not really into this” or “This is not something I enjoy” is a much more civilized response, in my opinion.

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              1. Agreed. On both counts.

                This reminds me of the men who seriously insist that “girls” (because they never refer to us as women, for some reason.) don’t poop. Because that would ruin us to them, for some reason.

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            2. What is reasonable:
              1. Looking for a sex partner that is interested in menstrual sex.
              2. Expecting a sex partner to not find menstruation “gross”.
              What is unreasonable:
              1. Expecting all men or women to like menstrual sex, or want to participate in menstrual sex.
              2. Believing that it is misogny at work when someone does not want to participate in menstrual sex (Or sex with blood involved).

              What is highly unreasonable :
              1. Calling it “disrespectful” for a man to refuse to have sexual intercourse with a woman.

              I hope we both agree with this list. I hope you can also see what is disturbing about the length of text that I quoted.

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        4. I’ve just read his reply and except the last, quoted below sentences, fully agree with him. I don’t agree with Jill that “it does come down to misogyny”. May be sometimes, but it really doesn’t have to, imo. Why I can think it’s gross, but a man can’t without being called names for it?

          QUOTE:
          Again, I really do not see the misogyny in finding period sex or menstrual blood gross, although I do see the misandry in telling men they have to have period sex or get dumped.

          Here is a reminder to Jill: sexual coercion is not just a sin; it is also a felony.

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          1. I don’t understand why people keep bringing up coercion here. One should feel absolutely free to dump people for not sharing one’s sexual preferences, whatever those might be. Also, one should fee; absolutely free to dump anybody for any reason whatsoever. There is nothing coercive about this.

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  4. What blew my mind is that people were trotting out the misogny card when some people brought up their aversion for… blood.

    Don’t get me wrong. Menstruation, completely normal. Blood as well. But the expectation that I must be fine with having sex with someone when that sex involves blood – seems to be a gross imposition of someone else’s sexual ethics over mine. My steadfast rule would be: If something is bleeding, I don’t want to involve that body part/blood in sex. If someone doesn’t want to respect my boundaries? DTMFA.

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  5. Oh well, who knows how old these people are and stuff like that. When I was younger than I am now the general theme was, discovering that things that “sound gross” might not be IRL – depending. Then it was discovering that people whose tastes may not coincide 100% with yours, can still be great lovers anyway (you figure out where your common ground is).
    Then it was figuring out that some of the things that “sounded gross” and that you tried to get over finding “gross” — really aren’t things you want to do. Etc.

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  6. As a man, I love women and I adore my girlfriend. And I adore her every day of the month! I have made love and performed oral sex during her heavy days, and she loved it too. The first time I did it she was overwhelmed, could not stop hugging and kissing me. Women are taught that normal bodily functions are “gross and disgusting”, my love has made her have a much healthier and open relationship with her own body.

    I would never do it id I was not madly in love with her. And I find her absolutely beautiful.

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    1. Let’s not generalize. If your girlfriend was taught her bodily functions are disgusting, I’m sorry for her but this is her parents’ problem that shouldn’t be extrapolated on everybody.

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  7. “Let’s not generalize. If your girlfriend was taught her bodily functions are disgusting, I’m sorry for her but this is her parents’ problem that shouldn’t be extrapolated on everybody.”

    Exactly, Clarissa. Many of us were brought up to view bodies and their functions as…natural. And normal. *Shrugs*.
    ….
    Luckily, my male partners have gotten that message along the way as well – if not always from parents, then from being mature adults with open minds and attitudes.

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