Now that I don’t have an office any more, I have rejoined the “regular people” on campus. I eat at the university restaurant, have coffee at Starbucks, blog at the library, and read books in the Quad.
I’m also enjoying a lot of success with students of the male variety. Every 15 to 30 minutes, somebody comes up to me to strike up an acquaintance. To avoid embarrassing anybody, I announce as soon as I can, “I’m sorry, I’m a professor,” “I’m sorry, I’m married,” “I’m a professor and I’m married.”
So I’m sitting in the Quad, reading, when the third man of the day comes up to me.
“Hi, how are you doing?” he asks with a smile.
“I’m a professor,” I inform him.
He gives me a weird look.
“I know, Clarissa,” he says in a very kind voice. “You are my colleague from the FLL department. I was going to ask you about the committee we are both on but never mind. Maybe some other time. Bye.”
And he walks away rapidly, obviously making an effort not to run from his weird colleague.
I feel like a total idiot.
Clarissa's Blog 
LOL!
May be you can blog about How To Be Successful In Dating and Attract Your Dream Man too (on & off Internet)? I want to learn since I have huge difficulty even to choose what to write about myself in dating site profile.
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If I may ask, were you so popular as a student too? What has a woman do to attract such attention?
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Yes, I always had many suitors. 🙂 And the funny thing is that I have no use for it because I prefer to approach men rather than be approached. Basically, if a guy comes up to me, I’m not likely to have any interest in him. So all the attention is wasted on me. 🙂
I have a post scheduled on how to be sexually and romantically successful for near future.
I find that what attracts people in crowds is a) sexual health and b) self-confidence.
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I hope you’ll define in your post what sexual health is and how one can work on it. F.e. if you haven’t dated yet at all and do try to find something potentially serious at a dating site, but can’t know what you want for now except friendship + sex . I mean, not ready in the near year to start living together.
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I think looking for friendhip+sex is a great start.
Dating sites are a great place to meet. Even more so are discussion forums. N. contacted me before he ever saw what I looked like because he was so interested in my feminist ideas. So it wasn’t the situation where a man fakes to be what he isn’t ideologically because he wants you to like him.
Maybe I should post stories about my online dating experience because I learned a lot from them.
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—I find that what attracts people in crowds is a) sexual health and b) self-confidence.
That’s what attracts crowds of healthy people. But there are also things which attract unhealthy people. This statement is neither hint not allusion to anything in particular, I do not consider you unhealthy, I am just pointing out that what you mentioned are not the only things potentially attracting crowds, and not all crowds are good for dating.
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Honestly, I have never seen a single person who was wildly sexually popular who did not have these two characteristics. Have you?
Neither robust sexual health or confidence mean that a person has no psychological issues, of course.
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I mean those people, usually women, who somehow project that image that they are very accepting. I mean that not in a straightforward sexual way, but accepting of friends and acquaintances as well. These women tend to attract a lot of not so self-confident guys who otherwise do not approach women due to fear of rejection.
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Well, that definitely isn’t me. I’m anything but accepting. 🙂
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I know! Haven’t attracted crowds, but the few suitors I had were like this. The question is what can one do not to (falsely!) project such an image? V, Clarissa – please, help, if you can. It’s a real problem.
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Could you define the problem more specifically? What were these guys like?
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It was when I was at school, 3 times: once in Ukraine (~11-12 years) and twice at Israeli high school. In Ukraine I didn’t like him romantically for other reasons, but f.e. he was the only boy whom other boys once closed in the classroom’s closet. In Israel both boys were kind of strange (other students thought that) and one of them directly said he asked me out since I was not a rude person (nice? I don’t remember the wording exactly). Since my relatives told me not to hurt the boy’s feelings and I too had the difficulty to say directly “we aren’t suitable” , the 1st boy even phoned me several times after graduation, but there could be nothing between us, I had zero attraction, so he stopped and I hope he has already found a suitable girl. Poor boy was really in love, but one can’t force oneself, so…
May be now with online dating I’ll find other guys of a different type. If you write about dating, may be tips? How can I understand who sits in front of me and what he wants (serious or not)? Most men won’t lie about their desires and jump through hoops only to have sex, right? I think not and don’t worry about that much, but do worry of spending lots of time on unsuitable people or them running away after knowing me better.
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I don’t want to sound preachy, but my advice would be to concentrate more on what you want than what they want. If you are dealing with adults, they are more than capable of taking care of their own needs.
As for whether they want something serious, I have always felt very suspicious of people who decide they want a serious relationship and then start auditioning people for the role. I cannot comprehend how anybody can want something serious not with a specific person but just in general. I know V. will start disagreeing :-), but this kind of attitude was very off putting to me at every stage of my life. The way I see it, you meet somebody, you let things develop, get to know them, and then, much later, you start feeling that you want to be married to them or have a permanent relationship. A relationship scenario or type can’t come before the person, in my opinion.
Spending a lot of time with people who turn out to be unsuitable in the end is a great learning experience. N. always says, “If you hadn’t dated all those guys before me, you might not have been able to really appreciate me.” 🙂 And look how many funny dating stories I have now. I will be able to blog forever about them. 🙂
As for people running away from you, i think you are such a brilliant, interesting, fascinating person that only very weird creatures would run away. And who needs weird creatures anyway, right? 🙂
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I think you are both weird…;-D)>
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Yes!! We are professors. 🙂 🙂
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