One of the men I met online worked for one of those places in New York that folks are protesting right now. Wall Street, Shmallstreet, at that time I had no idea what it even meant, let alone that men working there might end up being a little eccentric for my tastes.
I didn’t exchange photos with this guy before meeting him because everybody looks different on photos anyways. When I got to the coffee-shop where we were meeting, we talked for about 15 minutes when my date proudly announced,
“I’m taking you to a corporate event at my company after we are finished here.”
I’m not one of those people who like “being taken” anywhere, especially by complete strangers, so I was quite shocked.
“What makes you think I want to go to some corporate event?” I asked.
“No, you don’t understand,” my date said. “It’s a REAL corporate event. There will be many important people. Don’t worry, I have a limo waiting, and we still have time to drive by your place for you to change.”
“You do realize that I’m not going to any corporate event with you, right?” I responded.
My date looked peevish.
“You have to come,” he exclaimed. “I already told everybody that I will be bringing a beautiful Russian woman.”
“You’d never even seen my photo,” I reminded.
“But I know that all Russian women are beautiful!” the date shared.
“I’m going to go home now,” I said.
The date, however, was determined to be seen with “a beautiful Russian woman” at any cost.
“Could we at least take a walk around campus?” he asked desperately. Of course, I was already out of the door and have no idea what else he was saying.
P.S. “How come men always turn out to be horrible on these dates while you never are?” readers might start to ask. Don’t worry, my friends, next story will show both me and the date in quite a negative light. Then, you can decide who was the bigger jerk in the situation.
Clarissa's Blog 
Disappointment has a great mathematical property. It can be divided in a way so that everyone believes they have the lion share.
That being said, I am pretty sure just like you he went home thinking “What is wrong with this person?”. Also, if I would have been you, I would have used this corporate event and all the important people there to network and socialize. For a better date, that is 🙂
LikeLike
I would have used the limo to get home! Although that could end badly. Glad I did all my dating before online was invented:)
LikeLike
“before online was invented” – I will use this frame the next time I want to point out how old someone is… thanks!
LikeLike
I’m old. I remember life before Internet. If that sorry existence could be called “life.” 🙂
LikeLike
The first time I got connected to the internet at home was 1994. I showed my wife and she said what would you want to do that for. Every item she buys online I remind her of that day.
LikeLike
In the beginning I thought that in your place I would feel kind of bad not to come, but then was enlighted – if a bad looking woman would come, I bet he wouldn’t have invited her, so even for me no reason to feel in the least way uncomfortable.
Interesting whether women previously threw themselves on him because of money OR if he was badly socialized to imagine you would agree without warning.
Where does it come from? I heard somebody say the same on an Israeli uni students’ forum. Imo it’s partly since (Jewish) Russian women are supposedly blond, unlike Jews from Arabic countries, and when blond is rare, it’s viewed as beautiful. But in US many women are blond. Are they more beautiful since they allegedly use more make up and such? Or is the main reason in being supposedly more patriarchial Other, which creates “beauty”?
This has been my favorite dating story so far, but may be the next will be even better. Hope you’re OK with readers telling who the bigger jerk was either way? 😉
LikeLike
“In the beginning I thought that in your place I would feel kind of bad not to come”
-My friend, I’d never feel bad for not doing what I don’t feel like. No other reason is ever needed if you simply don’t feel like it. That’s what I tell my students about missing class and not doing the readings. 🙂
“Interesting whether women previously threw themselves on him because of money OR if he was badly socialized to imagine you would agree without warning.”
-I think he was extremely insecure and thought that being “proactive” and “a go-getter”, like was probably told to at work, was going to work.
” Are they more beautiful since they allegedly use more make up and such? Or is the main reason in being supposedly more patriarchial Other, which creates “beauty”?”
-Yes, we supposedly use make-up more, do our hair better and dress better. I blame TV shows about mail-order brides.
LikeLike
—I blame TV shows about mail-order brides.
What do you mean? That before those shows Russian women did not walk around with more makeup and more dressed-up than the locals?
LikeLike
What locals? I’m the only Russian-speaker for dozens of miles around and I’m getting stopped on campus with, “Oh, I knew you were Russian, Russian ladies are always so boooooeautiful.” Where do you think this person who has never been outside his village seen all those “Russian ladies”?
The problem is that nobody even notices how our women become resigned to old age by 50 and start looking and dressing like 80-year-olds.
LikeLike
Yes it is indeed a problem, but this problem is not unique to Russian women. I’d say the American ones, especially in the Midwest, do the same thing. In the case of Americans this may have something to do with the acceptance and even expectation of self-identification as a (sexless) mother…
LikeLike
American women do it much earlier. And you are completely right about the reasons. But then, after kids grow up and leave, they awaken and become pretty again. 🙂
In our countries, children tend never to leave, so mothers don’t get a chance to reawaken. 😦
LikeLike
Russian women have always seemed exotic to me. I have to give you some background. I grew up until 17 in a poor area of Manchester in the UK. All my extended family where socialists (My grandfather once shook the hand of Yuri Gagarin) We were anti capitalism and thus anti-American. We even hoped our government had at least half its nukes pointed at the Americans. So the outcome of this was we saw the USSR as a great place for working people. We never believed all the propaganda that our or the US government spewed forth about the evils of the USSR (of course they would say bad things). So for much of my younger years I actually thought one day I would like to live in the USSR. The obvious outcome would be that I would marry one of those strong women that could do anything a man could and better (Hmmm a bit like my mum). So the exotic thing for me was that Russian women where capable etc.
LikeLike
You weren’t mistaken in your image of Soviet women. They can, indeed, do anything. Unlearning that life strategy should be the goal of every post-Soviet woman. 🙂
LikeLike
I should have defected 🙂
LikeLike
I don’t see why we have got to online dating story #4 and you had not yet realised this is no way to meet men.
Is this all part of wanting men to let you down?
LikeLike
Online is absolutely the best way to meet people! Where do you think I found my husband? 🙂 🙂
LikeLike
That is no proof that online dating is the best way to meet people. Low probability events happen all the time. Think about the lottery. The chance of winning it is low but somebody wins it every week.
LikeLike
What do you think is the best way? Bars? I’m all for that but many people dislike the noise factor. N. had been to a bar exactly twice before meeting me.
What else is there to meet people? At work or school? That’s the worst because then you can’t get rid of them.
In the street or public transportation? That’s definitely a great way to meet but many people say they don’t get approached in the street.
LikeLike
At the beach is a great way to meet people here in Australia. Then if you make a fool of yourself there is always the option of burying yourself in the sand and waiting for the tide to come in.
I met my wife at a bar, and many girlfriends before her. We have a great cafe culture in South Australia and great weather so being out a lot it is always easy to strike up conversations with people you don’t know.
I have also met women at special interest clubs. I once played a game of chess at a chess club for a date with a woman. I won the game, but then every date then ended with another game to see if I got another date. We went out 19 times. When I finally lost to her she said I clearly didn’t care enough anymore. That was probably the most unusual love test ever.
I used to go to the theater a lot. The number of women left standing after a no show date is surprising. So have met women like this.
I suppose the best place is where you find your spouse:)
Which unfortunately supports your argument 😛
LikeLike
Why “unfortunately”?? 🙂
I love the beach but for some reason, I always become very silent and irritable when addressed on the beach. Maybe it happens because I concentrate on the great experience of being at the beach and I hate being interrupted.
Library, I believe, is the worst place to meet people. I HATE being interrupted when I read.
LikeLike
The beach is something we can take for granted here so the interruption wouldn’t be such a big deal.
The library is a great way to meet girls for the shy young man around uni.
All he need do is run like hell after the lecture to get the one copy of the book the lecturer mentioned. The smart girls arrive two minutes later and the young man is no a lot more interesting with the rare text in hand.
LikeLike
Have you read my post “Girls and Chess”? 🙂
LikeLike
No, and now you make me work for it by not providing a link 🙂
LikeLike
I’m sorry, I’m away from a computer. I can’t wait to be back in the office.
LikeLike
—Where do you think I found my husband? 🙂 🙂
But it was not a dating site.
LikeLike
Who cares? It was still online.
LikeLike
OK, I will be careful. 🙂
Anyway, it is important because in this thread people mainly talk about on-line dating, which is not exactly the same thing as dating people one meets online. People are asking your advise about successful online dating… Which implies dating sites. Do you have any successful stories of online dating which was intended to be online dating from the very beginning?
LikeLike
I have no idea why this post went to spam originally. It doesn’t even have any links. Weird.
To be completely honest, the reason why I got into online dating is because my friend and I conducted this little experiment of which announcement would get more answers, “Looking for someone kind” (her profile) or “Looking for someone fun” (my profile. 🙂 My goal was to have fun, so I did. I wasn’t looking for a spouse or anything. So I think I was wildly successful. 🙂
LikeLike
What if you don’t have any suitable acquaintances not online? Why starting talking on the street is more natural or less likely to disappoint?
Clarissa, what do you really think about online dating? I was putting so big hopes on it. 😦
LikeLike
I mean dating sites specifically.
LikeLike
Well talking face to face at least you know it is somebody you are physically attracted to that you are talking to.
LikeLike
I think online dating is fantastic. I know several couples who met online and have been together for a long time, super happy. This is becoming THE way to meet people. Good luck and have fun!!
LikeLike
No don’t do it. This is the way to end up with a geographically unsuitable girlfriend. Unless you know how to use wireshark and have acess to a geolocation service you could end up spending hours a week driving across town from where you live.
LikeLike
I ended up with a boyfriend in another country as a result of meeting him online at a feminist forum. It all worked out in the end, though. 🙂
LikeLike
Interesting story. I’m glad to read of your experiences becaue I’ve had similar ones, although I used to feel very isolated because I met people who couldn’t relate or they were just not honest about it. I’ve also met a lot of people who have had bad experiences which run the gamut when it comes to online dating. I think it can happen anywhere, but the main thing I always hear is how people are not honest or truthful about their ages, weight, etc. In fact, many women complain about the numbers of middle-aged men who specify how they want women who are basically 18 – 24 and skinny or slim, etc. and these guys are nothing to write home about. I think there must be a lot of middle-aged men who have high opinions of themselves and are overly generous (with themselves) about their attractivity to women.
LikeLike