Russian Jokes + a Joke From a Rabbi

This is the second day in a row I’ve worked for over 12 hours with no breaks, so all I have energy left for is sharing some silly jokes. Anybody who wants to share silly jokes of their own, feel free.

Joke 1.

– Does your husband like it when you talk to him during sex.

– No, not really.

– Why not?

– He isn’t really into talking on the phone that much.

Joke 2.

A zoophile, a pedophile, and an extreme-sex lover are sitting in the same jail cell.

Zoophile: It would be so nice to have a cat here with us.

Pedophile: Better yet, a kitten.

Extreme-sex lover: Meow??

Joke 3. (I’m a Jew, so I can tell Jewish jokes.)

Jews get everything after a lot of hardship and struggle. But they get everything.

Joke 4. (This is still a Jewish joke.)

Jesus is preaching: He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone!

Immediately, a stone is thrown in his direction.

Jesus: Mom, how many times did I ask you not to interrupt me when I’m at work?

Joke 5. (You won’t get it if you are not from an FSU country)

A boy is playing outside.

Mom: Vania, Vania! You need to come home now!

Vania: Is it because I’m hungry, Mommy?

Mom: No, it’s because you are cold.

And this is a joke from a real-life rabbi:

What do you do when you miss your mother-in-law? You aim and you shoot again.

12 thoughts on “Russian Jokes + a Joke From a Rabbi

  1. *You won’t get it if you are not from an FSU country*

    I am from there, but ? It’s winter that’s all I’ve got. 🙂


  2. Joke #5 is funny because the everybody is always both hungry and cold.

    We had a similar idea in Manchester when I was a kid.


      1. Is it riffing on the stereotype of Jews being acquisitive and greedy? And also an in-joke about the history of persecution e.g “It’s ok that we’ve been mass murdered because we end up on top any way! Except, not.”

        It’s very black humour to my eye.


        1. I think the point is that Jews are overachievers and always make the best of the worst circumstances. Of course, this is how I choose to read it because it makes me feel good about myself. 🙂


  3. Before political rival Julia Tymoshenko’s verdict was rendered, Ukraine President Viktor Yanukovych felt it prudent to consult Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin regarding the sentence to be imposed. “I would like to give her 7!” declared Putin. Surprised by the laxity of the sentence, Yanukovych exclaimed, “But Comrade Wolf, why only 7?” “Because, Comrade Sheep, Putin responded, ”I do not have 8 centimeters to give to her!”


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