Which is why I:
Don’t believe that every life choice is equally valid and, therefore, feel no compunction for criticizing those life choices that I find to be stupid or ridiculous.
Don’t believe that counting everything (calories, sex partners, vitamins and minerals) improves the quality of one’s life.
Feel vicarious shame whenever I see anybody unfurl a national flag, sing an anthem, or recite the Pledge of Allegiance to any country. When people place their hands on their hearts while participating in these activities, I get more embarrassed than if they engaged in group sex right in front of me.
Don’t think that alcoholism is a disease.
Don’t think that weight and income are dirty topics that need to be covered with embarrassed silence.
Believe that unless you have a body like Beyonce’s, jeans invariably make you look horrible.
Believe that cereal is not food. Unless you want to feed it to some birds that you really hate.
Love arguing about politics or religion with people I just met.
Don’t think that being on 3 prescription medications by the age of 40 is normal.
Don’t consider “Are you OK?” an appropriate response when I see a colleague crying in the bathroom.
Don’t consider that pretending not to notice anything is an appropriate response when I see a stranger crying in the bathroom.
Don’t see the “paper or plastic” issue as a field of an important ideological battle.
Don’t consider American football and baseball to be sports.
Feel very embarrassed when people begin to argue seriously that cheer-leading is a sport.
Believe that being supportive as a friend doesn’t mean repeating mechanically, “Good for you! I know you can do it! Everything will be fine!” but, rather, letting my friends know what I really think about their situation.
Believe that it’s better to ask for a loan from a relative or a friend than from a bank.
Hate Hollywood movies.
Consider people who use the gym to be eccentric.
Consider people who drive to the gym to be very eccentric.
Eat hamburgers and pizza with a knife and a fork.
Get cranky if I have to spend an entire day without eating any fresh fruit or vegetables.
Believe that beverages served at Starbucks don’t deserved to be called “coffee.”
Don’t understand the point of going to coffee-shops that don’t have an outside terrace.
Don’t eat while walking, running, or standing.
Feel scared when I hear the word “deep-fried.”
Am terrified by the words “networking,” “support groups,” “grief counselling,” “life coach,” and “brainstorming.”
Realized that I needed to add a tag to this post to explain its intentions.