My third piece of advice is to stop counting. Applying arithmetic to your romantic life might make you feel in control but that’s a very unhealthy illusion. The greatest challenge of our romantic lives is that we do not control them. The sooner you accept the idea that you can do everything right many times in a row and still not end up in a blissful relationship as a result, the better. And do I need to tell you how crucial relinquishing control is for achieving sexual fulfillment? All of those anorgasmic people of both genders are the ones who are terrified of relinquishing control.
So forget all the silly advice about counting the number of days you need to wait before calling up a person for a second date or counting the number of dates before you allow yourself to have sex. If you need to call the person, just do it. If you are afraid of looking needy by calling too soon, consider the following: shouldn’t you aim for a partner whose neediness matches yours? Why would you want to start a relationship with someone who has a much weaker need for company than you do? Besides, nobody can transform themselves completely for each new date without suffering a nervous breakdown. Trying to anticipate the needs of a complete stranger to the detriment of your own is not a road to happiness.
The same goes for sex. The only good time to have sex is when you feel like doing it. What’s the point of getting involved with someone whose sexual temperament or sexual morality are completely different from yours? If you don’t feel like having sex for the first six months of the relationship, just be open and unapologetic about that. If you feel like having sex six hours after the first date, I suggest you do the same. Of course, I’m talking about cases when people are in tune with their sexuality and can distinguish genuine sexual desire or lack thereof from the need to manipulate a partner.
Clarissa's Blog 
Hahaha. And turn the try the right way up. Too many baobabs with the roots gasping for nourishment from empty air. Organic lust precedes spiritual attachment. If you try to organise reality on principles that go in the opposite direction, you will find it much harder to get the two (sex and spirit) into any alignment.
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This is very true. North Americans often seem to believe, however, that sex is some kind of reward they bestow on people who manage to establish an emotional and intellectual connection with them. I always found this approach to be very weird.
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Sorry. Turn the TREE….
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fantastic advice!
I learned that matching ‘neediness’ levels is critical out of sheer luck, really. My first serious boyfriend was not as needy as I, and I felt miserable constantly stifling affection and contact with him. And when he didn’t call every day I would feel angry at him and think he was a jerk, which really wasn’t fair at all. Worse still I knew it wasn’t far and started hating myself for being so needy and ‘pathetic’.
We broke up for other reasons but my boyfriend now wants just as much contact as I do, and I’m so much happier! I no longer feel guilty about wanting to see him every day, and I get what I want! And that’s what he wants! Contrary to popular dating advice there are plenty of needy men and plenty of more independent women. Everyone prefers a different sort of relationship and there’s nothing wrong with any preferences.
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This is where men have it made, digging up a girlfriend is trivial
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-15590851
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This is great advice!
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alright, can I chip in with my unconventional dating advice? So here goes :
If you are happy with friendships, smoking pot, thinking philosophy and the occasional sexual release, and are generally having a lot of fun with your life, do not think about dating at all! 😛
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I couldn’t agree more!!
Now I’ll have to end this series of posts because I can’t come up with better advice than this. 🙂
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Also, why is there so much emphasis on weight loss, on feminist blogs. Be happy, live an active life, and the weight will drop off you. Or else you will look Rubinesque, according to your innate genetics, but nobody will care.
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Things are more complex than that in the US. The food is really bad, unhealthy, genetically modified, oversalted, overstuffed with preservatives, etc. You can live the healthiest lifestyle in the world, eat only what you think are fresh fruots, vegetables and fish, and still blow up like a balloon.
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“You can live the healthiest lifestyle in the world, eat only what you think are fresh fruots, vegetables and fish, and still blow up like a balloon.”
What? This is absurd. You don’t blow up like a balloon if you eat fresh fruit and vegetables (and eat fewer calories than you spend, obviously). Not in the US, or anywhere else on this planet. You think corporations inject salt and fat and high fructose corn syrup into your bell pepper?
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No, this is reality. The internet is full of info on genetically modified and waxed fruits and vegetables.
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Basically, if you have faults, figure them out and learn to embrace them. I have a terrible ferocity in 70 percent of my personality, which dominates the other 30 percent and makes it cry. This isn’t very good in some respects and the 30 percent only gets to win out when I’m very tired and my ego’s feeling flat. Indeed the 70 percent just about tore my brains apart when I was doing my thesis as I kept thinking a better forum for me to prove myself would be in boxing, if only my actual strengths were primarily in combative power, rather than in terms of my mind. It was all very complicated for me.
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That’s a real shame. Mike says I should eat more kangaroo as it really is the meat that has less human interference. It’s also very lean.
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I think people should stop being so defensive about their nations and stop representing them as Eden on Earth. Nobody’s nose is going to drop off just because they have the courage to admit that there are things generally awry in the culture and/or economy of their particular nations.
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Exactly, Jennifer. It’s sad to see how people act increasingly like ostriches on this matter instead of acting to change things.
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Yup. Refusing to believe that eating fresh fruit and vegetables will make you obese is the same as representing your country as Eden. Nice logic there.
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It is very annoying when people transform my words into some really outlandish statement of their own design and then proceed to argue with it. Can you please address what’s being said and not your own projections?
Food in this country is lousy and unhealthy. Even fruit and vegetables are messed with.
Ostriches need to remember that the floor in their cage might turn out to be made of metal.
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Can you please provide some proof of your assertion that GM vegetables and waxed fruits will make you obese?
Fast food in this country is exceptionally unhealthy (the McRib, for instance, has ingredients that go into the making of gym mats and shoe soles). However, fresh fruit and vegetables are just that: fresh fruit and vegetables.
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No, they are not. They don’t even smell like real fruit and vegetables. And they look completely freaky.
Maybe you need to travel outside of the country. You’ll appreciate the difference immediately.
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And the so-called “fresh” and “natural” meats and seafood in this country? They are all injected with hormones and god knows what rubbish.
But of course nobody will do anything about it while people look at the staggering obesity rates in this country and manage to convince themselves that it isn’t there.
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Let’s do this again.
You said that eating fresh fruit and vegetables in USA will cause obesity. You’d have to agree that this is a pretty strong assertion and it behooves you to provide some scientific evidence to support your statement. Even more so, since you’re a popular blogger who has some power to influence the thousands of visitors that read your blog everyday.
Again, we’re not talking about cheap USDA Choice beef, hamburgers, soda, frozen dinners, or any other fastfood. We’re talking specifically about fresh fruit and vegetables. You may not find their taste up to par and they may not be as juicy as the ones you’ve come to expect from your country, but it doesn’t mean that they’ll make you fat.
“while people look at the staggering obesity rates in this country and manage to convince themselves that it isn’t there.”
Do you mean to say americans ignore their obesity rates? You must be living on some bizzaro planet because nobody freaks out more about obesity than americans and their media, who’re completely obsessed with it.
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No, I did not say that eating fresh fruit and vegetables in the US will cause obesity. I said all food is really unhealthy.
You have a very disturbing level of aggression on this topic. Try to address people respectfully and avoid words like absurd and bizarro if you want to have a dialogue.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcjSDZNbOs0
Seinfeld jokes are aggressive now? Well, alright.
This is what you said: “You can live the healthiest lifestyle in the world, eat only what you think are fresh fruots, vegetables and fish, and still blow up like a balloon.”
Can you provide some scientific evidence to back this claim? I’m being completely respectful here. Is there any FDA/NIH/WHO study, survey, medical report, journal article, or even some newspaper article that you read to arrive at this conclusion?
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FDA, huh? The same organization that will approve any garbage as edible, right?
And what was the organization that appointed ketchup a vegetable?
The problem is that nobody wants to touch the subject of how humongously unhealthy food is in this country. But you feel the difference the moment you cross the border in any direction.
You really didn’t know that fruit and vegetables get injected with all kinds of crap, doused with pesticides, etc all the time?
Talk to a farmer and they’ll tell you why it’s impossible for small farmers to compete with huge agricultural concerns. A farmer who tries to grow food naturally will never be able to make, say, all tomatoes be of the same size, shape, color, etc. Have you ever been to a farmers’ market? Or seen vegetables people grow on their own garden patches? Do they look like anything at the supermarket? Have you noticed how every cucumber you grow on your own is of different shape and color?
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I’ve lived in three different countries and in several different states in the U.S, and depending on where you live and what you have access to in the U.S, it’s pretty true that even the fruit and veg are suspect. When I lived in Hawaii, fresh fruits like mangos, lychees, strawberries, starfruit, guava, spinach, onions, and lettuce were accessible from my backyard or traded with from my neighbours, and I lived quite happily off those foods without any health troubles. When I lived in Japan, everything I ate came from my neighbours’ gardens, a bounty of oranges, fresh Japanese pears, bok choy, and excellent plums.
Compare with food I ate on the mainland U.S. Peaches that were rock-hard and still green for easy shipping and packaging, apples that taste like cardboard, and pears that taste like sweetened styrofoam. You can taste the difference, and trust me, whether or not the fruit is even less healthy, you tend to eat considerably less of it when it tastes as awful as that.
Fortunately I am in Canada now and live in a farming area next to a root cellar which sells local produce and a farmer’s market each Saturday, and the difference to one’s health is noticeable when you actually enjoy eating fruit and veg.
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Finally, a voice of reason on the subject!
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I don’t know that agribusiness-produced fruits and vegetables are more fattening but they definitely don’t pack the same kind of nutrition as local/ organic/ non modified/ non injected / non dyed / non waxed /vine or tree ripened / not transported halfway around the world / etc.
I don’t think the NIH would fund a study saying so, but I have years of anecdotal evidence – speaking as someone who always eats well and doesn’t tend to gain weight – still I always seem to lose weight and gain muscle tone regardless of exercise level as soon as I get into some non NAFTA type country or if I stick to farmer’s market foods within this and other agribusiness ridden countries.
Monsanto et al have a vested interest in denying it but all those additives (and subtractions) to produce (not to mention farmed fish etc.) just can’t be good for you. And before this was all stepped up in the 80s, US people weren’t as fat and also didn’t eat as much.
My theory is that these modified foods are less satisfying, leave people with cravings, etc.
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I think you are talking about the midwest and about supermarket produce. Organics, farmers markets, and growing your own are extremely popular on both coasts, where most of the US population lives. Not everyone has access or can afford it, but most who can eat very well (I do, and I am a poor grad student). People get fat from watching TV, eating fast food and processed foods, drinking soft drinks, and not exercising. Also, the US is far from the only country that grows genetically engineered food.
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I don’t watch TV, don’t drive and walk everywhere instead, don’t eat junk food and dislike soft drinks profoundly.
No, this explanation doesn’t work at all.
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The five most populous states are CA, NY, FL, TX, and IL – not necessarily in that order. We have all kinds of organics and CSA right here in little old Louisiana. Popularity of this stuff on the coasts, where you have said several times (essentially) that civilization lies, is still a subculture.
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I suck at golf and video games, but I am very skilled at meeting, seducing and dating beautiful women. I’ve coached hundreds of guys, young and old, both in live sessions and through this website. I’ve traveled around the world. I’ve got tons of experience to share with you.
http://www.XXXXXXXXXXXX
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We, the beautiful women, have no use for a guy who sucks at video games. Besides, this weirdo’s website offers such pearls of wisdom as “Women place more importance on how a man makes them feel instead of how he looks.” and “Change your look, add some alpha traits and sprinkle in some props and you will be getting all the girls attention”.
What a poor, pathetic loser! All of his experience is, surely, in being rejected and ridiculed.
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