Why can’t they process the idea that some people aren’t interested in losing weight? My sister keeps going to personal trainers and they keep trying to goad her into dieting.
My sister is a beautiful woman (really, she is absolutely stunning) who wears size 10 and is extremely happy with her body. Happy, ecstatic, very content. As she rightfully should be. She only eats very healthy food and, like everybody in our family, she is a great gourmand. She keeps trying to explain to yet another personal trainer that she only visits him to get some physical activity, not to lose weight. The trainer, however, can’t get used to this idea and still pushes for a diet.
“So, how was your eating this week?” he asks in a tragic voice.
“It was yummy,” my sister responds. “Absolutely delicious. And plentiful.”
“Have you been thinking about the diet I suggested?” the trainer insists.
“I don’t need a diet,” my sister explains patiently.
“Well, try to pinch your skin,” the trainer says. “If you can pinch it, this means there is fat, so you need to go on a diet.”
“And if I can’t pinch it,” she responds, “it means I’m an anorexic who is barfing in the bathroom five times a day.”
My sister is a very authoritative, powerful business woman. I’m a cutesy, gentle wallflower by her side. So the personal trainer will not be able to bully her into an unnecessary diet. Just consider, however, what this badgering would do to a person who is less secure in their body image.
Clarissa's Blog 
I think your sis and I would really get along 🙂
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I used to be very skinny after some extreme workplace stress.I will see if I can dig up the photo. My sister copied a lot of our old photos from the album with her cell phone, after going up to my parents place to attend my father who has had a stoke.
Anyway, I chose to put on bulk because I thought I should occupy more space to be less easy to push around. It was just a feeling I had that I should do so. I have been more than successful at that. I’m sure a lot of what I have looks like fat unless you grip it and find that it is more or less solid muscle. My thighs, for example, are very large from doing squats. I could easily push kick a door down if I lost my keys. (I actually did this in the past. I left behind my keys to my apartment and I push kicked the door until it burst open.)
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I can’t lift anything heavier than an apple, so I really admire you. 🙂
I walk a lot, though. Even just during teaching, I walk over 5 miles around the classroom on every teaching day.I’d walk a lot more if there were spaces for pedestrians around here.
How are things in Australia with pedestrian walk spaces?
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I made that same choice, Jennifer. It did wonders for my self-confidence and mental health.
I made it earlier, though: at the beginning of high school. Took me until the end of high school to actually *get* big, but I did! (I also think I might look like I have more fat on me than I do, as my arms and legs are both very thick and I do not have the best muscle definition in the world. I blame this on my sex and ethnicity, which is half Slavic.)
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Australia has a lot of space for walking. You could, for instance, walk or cycle around the Swan river: http://www.transport.wa.gov.au/cycling/1925.asp
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Can’t find the really skinny photo where I’m wearing a red dress. Here is my other Giacometti picture, from way back.
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Man, that’s annoying! It’s great that your sister is so confident and secure, but even if there’s no chance she could be bullied into going on a diet or engaging in other weight-loss practices of questionable safety and usefulness, there’s still the chance that a trainer whose idea of what her goals should be doesn’t match her actual goals might not be able to design the best workout for her.
The example that popped into my head: a lot of the time people who are trying to lose weight will do lots and lots of cardio, at the same intensity throughout the whole half-hour, or hour, or however long they’re doing it. But someone who wants to improve their speed might prefer interval training, alternating short bursts of peak intensity (like sprints) with slower, easier “rest intervals”.
Anyway, if I had a trainer who kept harping on weight loss, it would cause me to question how effectively he/she could design workouts that would build strength, speed or stamina as opposed to burning the greatest number of calories.
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This is, as some Zimbabwean school teachers used to say in the past, “very excellent”.
I am very happy that I am so strong and mature these days. It beats youth and immaturity. I remember when the significant shift happened during one very tough year, with almost no income. There are pictures from this period, too, where I resorted to cutting my own hair and developing an overwhelming sense of hostile indifference to the world. For some reason, no doubt an expression of my aggression as well as lack of hairdressing skills, I cut my fringe (in America, “bangs”) very short indeed, so that I would literally have to shave my widow’s peak to get it to line up with the very short hairline. There are pictures from this period, too.
Anyway, that was the year that stray mean stopped greeting me on the beach — a very happy year for me. I think my face had very much hardened in that year, due to the grimaces I was used to making — for instance doing sit-ups, push-ups and the like.
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“stray men” not “stray mean”.
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Picture: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=484139673032&set=a.484139568032.257323.675948032&type=3&theater
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Nice! You do look quite tough in that picture.
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It was the beginning of my shamanistic journey, where I stopped identifying myself as human. Anyway, enough from me.
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I see a similar pressure among the women at work. These two beautiful women I work with are arguably in the best shape of any of the women in our office. And yet they egg each other on in their desire to eat less and work out more. At the same time, I’m a fan of healthy eating and exercise. I just think that they way most people “diet” is not healthy.
Anyway. They always try to bring me chocolates from the front desk, or make sure I know when free cake is available because they keep comparing themselves to how small I am. Keep in mind that I’m 5 feet tall and these women are TALL – you can’t compare our physical builds. Some days I just give in to temptation and express to them how lovely it is that I eat as many chocolates as they’ll bring me, and have a nice 45 minute walk or jog with my dog in the morning and easily maintain the same weight…
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Clarissa, FYI: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-breggin/our-psychiatric-civilizat_b_586498.html
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Oh, what a brilliant article! I really really love it. Thank you for bringing here the link! I’m going to place it on my Sunday Link Encyclopedia.
Why aren’t more of such brilliant articles being written on the subject?
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I was thinking of going to a personal trainer for when I get back on vacation, because I want to learn how to do belly dancing, but I think I might stick to my classic method of watching youtube videos and reading books to learn it, if that’s what I can expect. I don’t exactly enjoy being fat, but I know that I need to go about getting healthy internally, and a judgemental trainer could fuel my ride down the path of disordered eating again.
I thought the idea of a “personal” trainer was taking you as an individual and your wishes and goals into account.
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It is, but everything I hear/read tells me some of them are better at actually doing this than others.
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I don’t understand what on earth personal training has to do with dieting. While I don’t necessarily believe people can be healthy at ANY size (i.e. not if they’re extremely obese), I do think that people can be healthy at most sizes. Anyway, I’ve generally found that leading an active lifestyle is a great way to lose a healthy amount of weight, as opposed to restricting caloric intake.
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Wow. That’s so frustrating!! And a size 10 is a perfectly wonderful size for a woman to be. It’s womanly and lovely and healthy! That’s actually the reason that I refuse to go to a trainer now. Every time I have tried one, they have suggested diets to “suppliment” the work out. (I’m a size 12 and am basically happy with my body.) The trainers just can’t believe that I don’t want to lose weight!
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I absolutely agree – training should be about one’s personal goals and not pushing the same objectives onto everyone. I really-really-really am happy with my size, at the very least because I love my wardrobe. 🙂 I want to work out to feel healthy and be stronger, not to shed pounds.
Last time I went to a personal trainer it was with a co-worker who was size 4. She was miserable because of how ‘fat’ she was and it was insane to me. I tried to reason with her, to which she said – you don’t understand, it’s different for you. You look amazing. I weighed exactly 50 lbs more than her. Go figure!…
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I think the trainer was way out of line when he said “Pinch your skin and if you can pinch there’s fat” is the trainer anorexic? because that’s absurd. The key is fitness, it’s got nothing to do with looks right?
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Your sister is very generous to that trainer for not dropping him and lodging a complaint 🙂 Then again, my doc just told me I had to lose 30 pounds even though all my physical exam test results were normal or above average. Did I protest? No. One in three Canadians don’t have a family doctor so demand is higher than supply. I’m sucking it up.
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She is still hoping to teach the trainer to be more accepting of different bodies.
Sorry about your experience with the doctor! That really sucks.
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Your sis might want to clue the trainer about research indicating that women are healthier at the upper end of the actuarial tables for “normal” weight. White women, in particular, risk future osteoporosis from dieting. Your blood bank won’t even take blood from women under a certain weight, and that weight is low to include short women.
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Wow. Just wow.
I’m glad I’m getting my training from a martial arts teacher who actually wants his students to be STRONG.
This…it makes me uncomfortable on so many levels. When done right, personal training can be really empowering for women: a no-pressure environment where you have someone pushing you hard to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself, while giving you the personalized instruction that allows you to progress fast. This, though…it’s more like guys trying to mold you into their perfect sculpture. It’s sick.
PS Jennifer Frances Armstrong, thanks for the Peter Breggin link! That article says exactly what I’ve been saying for years!
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