Do you make efforts not to perpetuate gender stereotypes? Like not wearing pink if you are a woman? Not lowering your voice closer to the end of a sentence, not ending every phrase with a question, not caring excessively about fashion and make-up, not being nurturing and an organizer of social occasions?
Or if you are a man, not interrupting, not having a very loud voice, not talking about sports all the time?
There must be other stereotypes of masculinity but I can’t come up with any more at this point. What are typical men supposed to be? Insensitive, disorganized, what else?
I stopped knitting and concealed my love of cooking to avoid being a total stereotype.
Clarissa's Blog 
I was just going to comment about this on your previous post when this one appeared! You’re such a mind-reader, Clarissa!
I do a lot to avoid gender stereotyping, particularly since mine is a very male-dominated field. I conceal my love of cooking, I force myself to speak more assertively, I rarely talk about my family at work. I have an “at-work” persona for students and colleagues which is very different from the real-life me.
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I know exactly what you mean. I also feel I need to compensate heavily for the pink clothes (I do sincerely love pink, so what can I do?), hair, make-up, skirts and dresses. And the frills. God, I love the frills.
Today I wore a pink jacket with frills that are shaped like hearts. Of course, I have to be a total psycho bitch to compensate for that.
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Oh, I see – you mean, do things you wouldn’t so as not to be stereotyped as the retro version of your gender?
I do the opposite. I am much more deferential and so on at work than in real life or at conferences outside this region. I am not enough of a traditional woman or a Republican style assertive woman to survive if I don’t rein it in.
The reason they think I am a raving Marxist feminist lesbian is:
– I do not wear spike heels or super-feminine high heels, only more chunky heels or stacked heels to work (I need to walk a lot, that is why)
– I wear a lot of black
– I am known to spend time in New Orleans
– I have strong opinions
– I do not discuss my husband/boyfriend in class.
They have told me that these are the five terribly unfeminine things I do and I am not willing to change them, so I limit myself in other ways.
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Going to New Orleans has a stereotype?
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I have also lived in New Orleans and commuted. It is assumed that it is for a relationship, a woman wouldn’t live there or go there of her own accord. It had been assumed it was for man but when I kept not mentioning a man it was then assumed it was another woman.
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I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter whether or not one perpetuates a gender stereotype at times, because most people will see what they need to see, rather than what is there. If people need to believe in gender stereotypes, they will see gender in your actions, but if not, it will not appear to be there. Consequently, do whatever you want.
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I don’t see the point in worrying about it. As musteryou said, people see what they want to see. I don’t think I act particularly “sweet,” but people always seem to see me that way regardless of how I dress.
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I used to have a fear of being perceived as feminine, because in my pre-feminism worldview, feminine interests, styles, and activities were inherently linked with weakness and stupidity. Now though, I proudly rock my hard femme fashion and mannerisms, and I know I can still take the world by storm in heels and stockings. 🙂
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You go, sister! 🙂
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Yes indeed.
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When I was a kid I had pet frogs and liked to play video games, but I also liked to wear dresses and play with dolls. Some people called me “tomboy”; others thought I was a prim little girl. Once they made up their minds about me, anything that didn’t fit could not exist as far as they were concerned and they would get annoyed and even insulting if I pointed it out (or they’d quickly forget the contradicting evidence).
When you don’t neatly fit a stereotype, there are people who’ll make an issue of your gender and how you should be acting. For instance I don’t like shoe shopping. If I happen to mention this in whatever context, some people don’t care, but others (usually men) will make a point of asking, “Are you sure you’re a woman?” and then grin as if they’ve said something clever and original (the same men often complain about women being into fashion, but they need that confirmation of femininity in the women they date). I also know women for whom my inability to be interested in shoe-shopping has been a red flag of sorts, that I’m not “one of them.”
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I so know what you are talking about.
“What, you don’t like chocolate? Are you sure you are a woman?”
It got so obnoxious that I started responding, “Jeez, I wonder where the women you happen to know stick their chocolate to demonstrate their womanhood.”
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When I first began to transition, I tried to avoid stereotypical femininity, because I was sensitive to criticisms that I was “reifying the gender binary” and because I wanted everyone who knew me before to understand that I was still the same person.
Then I decided that (1) there was no point in liberating myself from one set of arbitrarily-imposed cultural expectations if I was going to immediately enslave myself to a second set, and (2) the overwhelming majority of people who advance the ‘reifying the gender binary’ meme are only doing so as a thin, bullshitty veneer to mask their own bigotry against people like me. So now I just do what I want, and if that makes me a stereotype, so be it. There are only so many ways that a person can be, so it’s mathematically impossible not to be one of them.
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I don’t think you will ever be a stereotype of anything. You have too much personality for that. 🙂
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I don’t really worry about it. If I want to talk about sports then so be it. If people have a problem with it then we can change the subject. I however enjoy talking about sports and see no reason why I should deny myself the enjoyment of talking with a couple guys at the water cooler about who has the better team.
The only thing I really worry about is making sure I try to be friendly to people. If that means I adhere or break away from gender stereotypes for the way men act then so be it. It’s more out of common decency then worrying about how other people see me through a gender lens.
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I am actively trying not to dress overly feminine and I don’t wear make-up, and I also refrain from organizing social occasions or bringing food or cakes to work.
For several reasons:
1. Most of my co-workers are men and I already feel different enough from them and don’t want to over-stress the differences.
2. If I wear feminine clothes I get treated differently, men are immediately nicer to me. Noticing this difference gets on my nerves and I feel like dressing nicely distracts both me and them.
3. I don’t feel much urge to bake cakes, dress nicely and go shopping anyway. So not doing this is easy for me.
4. I myself notice that I have a tendency to take women less seriously professionally if they always jump to bake cakes and organize things. As if their true calling might not be in science but in event-organizing.
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I work on not interrupting. My observation is that men do it far too much. I think everyone should talk more loudly but more slowly. People who talk so softly that it is impossible to understand them if there is any background noise are extremely annoying. I think women are more prone to this than men.
I think that not interrupting is the main stereotype I try to counter, but I also work on expressing my feelings which leads to peculiar responses sometimes. The most powerful stereotype about men is that men are unwilling or unable to express feelings, I think. But it is such a strong cultural taboo, also, that it is dangerous to go against it.
As to talking about sports, I have almost no interest in them at all, so that is not an effort.
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” People who talk so softly that it is impossible to understand them if there is any background noise are extremely annoying. I think women are more prone to this than men.”
– In my culture it’s men. They mumble! When I watch Russian TV shows, I always raise the volume when a man is speaking and lower it when a woman is. I’m also very annoyed by mumbling because I have a hearing problem in one ear.
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I cannot really worry about this. Some hyper-masculine behaviors I have are to be very competitive. If I have a behavior that is masculine (stereotypically) like being sloppy or interrupting people, I would change that not because it is male, but because it is negative. If I enjoy a sporting event, I am not going to not watch it in order to be less masculine. Nor am I going to feign interest in an event that bores me.
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Well, in my culture competitiveness is considered to be a very female trait, anyway. 🙂
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I’m such a ridiculous stereotype in so many areas, my compensating to avoid being a stereotype would be stereotypical. There’s no way I can be *not* a stereotype if someone sees me that way. The way I see myself is a messy mish-mash of stereotypes that are in so much conflict I can’t really be any one of them, so, I’m okay with all of it.
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