Mr. A and Ms. B have been married twenty years; when they wed she was a virgin, while he had had intercourse a few times with someone else. Their wedding night was an unconsummated mess, resulting in tears and confusion. Several days later, on their honeymoon, they tried again—“and we failed again,” Mr. A recalled. Her vagina didn’t get wet enough, he couldn’t get his penis in, and eventually he lost his erection. They each took turns blaming themselves; the next morning they took turns blaming each other. For years, sex was an infrequent, discouraging hassle. Now they can’t remember the last time they did it.
Without the wedding night and the honeymoon part, of course. Some people are just not suited sexually, whether they are virgins or have decades of intense sexual experience. The best thing for them is just to stop massaging themselves into a relationship they are simply not meant to maintain. I didn’t realize that soon enough, so the wedding night and the honeymoon happened years after the “Mr. A and Ms. B experience.”
Of course, the linked post that started out well just had to end badly. Just like every sex advice post I have ever read:
If it took God a week to create the world out of nothing, couples need at least that much time to create a sexual connection out of nothing.
I don’t know about God but sexual connections kind of create themselves without any effort on people’s part. You can’t create desire if it isn’t there.
The quoted blogger ends the post with the following inanity:
I feel bad for Mr. A and Ms. B, who didn’t do anything wrong.
As former Ms. B, I have to object. Of course, these people did plenty wrong. They married somebody they did not desire and spent 20 years punishing themselves and their partner for not desiring each other. They sold their sexuality for the price of fulfilling a social mandate and probably produced a bunch of miserable, sexually unfulfilled children in the process. And if you read the post carefully, you will discover that the female part of this tragic sexual equation is still trying to force the unhappy, sex-deprived husband back into the misery of sexless monogamy.
Clarissa's Blog 
These days, people seem to take delight in flirting with stupidity: last night I turned on TV and there were these regular young women staying at an Amish household in some sort of reality TV. They listened wide-eyed to the suggestion that it was never too late to save yourself for marriage. Then, two of them made a pact to do so.
Secular girls may have a lot of opportunities, but their level of education is very poor.
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“hey listened wide-eyed to the suggestion that it was never too late to save yourself for marriage. Then, two of them made a pact to do so.”
– Yes, they call themselves “born-again virgins.” 🙂 The amount of idiocy in the world is staggering.
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And I have decided that it is due to lack of desire that marriage is supposed to be so difficult, getting along so difficult, and so on … and “faithfulness” so hard to maintain.
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“And I have decided that it is due to lack of desire that marriage is supposed to be so difficult, getting along so difficult, and so on … and “faithfulness” so hard to maintain.”
– EXACTLY!!!!!!! It makes me sad I had to waste so much time before I realized this simple truth.
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Yes, it is a very sad story
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Another reflection I had: maybe it’s difficult to enjoy one’s sexuality if one has the concept of divine goodness and wholesomeness hanging over one. Bataille, for instance, links death and eroticism, and by way of this, the threat or actuality of violence.
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What’s the divine goodness and wholesomeness is all about?. Just curious. It doesn’t surprise me that Bataille links death and eroticism since a full erotic experience implies the “passing out”, even if it is only transient. In that sense threats or actuality of violence are desirable events.
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Just remove “divine” and I’m with you. As I’ve had a chance to observe, nothing changes if religion is removed. Not a damn thing.
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That’s a good point about religion. I was speaking in relation to a Western context only.
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