The New Pope Is a Che

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Clarissa

March 13, 2013

OK, I will probably not be converting to Catholicism because. . . weird:

“It was like waiting for the birth of a baby, only better, ” said a Roman man. A child sitting atop his father’s shoulders waved a crucifix.

The 76-year-old baby is the new Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio who is – surprisingly! – from Argentina. Everything Argentinean is better than everything non-Argentinean (except scholars of Hispanic literature), so I’m sure this is good news. Seriously, for an Argentinean to accept the post of God’s representative on Earth is a huge step-down because he must have surely believed he was God before he accepted this position as a Pope.

Of course, I’m pretty sure he was only elected because his last name made everybody think he was Italian.

And he is going to be called Pope Francis, which sounds cute and sexy. As my ultra-Catholic former colleague explained to me, “Catholicism is the religion that celebrates sex and sexual perversions. Have you seen all those images of naked, tortured, bleeding Jesus? Is that totally delicious, or what?”

Sorry, Catholics, I’m almost one of you now, so I have to make fun. Congratulations on the new Pope and let’s pray the stick in his ass will be smaller than the one the previous Pope enjoyed.

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30 responses to “The New Pope Is a Che”

David Gendron

March 13, 2013

This a bad news for Latin America.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  March 13, 2013
  
  Why? Now everybody will know Argentina exists.
  
  I swear to God, I will have a group of Argentineans come to beat me up soon. 🙂 🙂
  
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  1. David Gendron
    
    March 13, 2013
    
    So I reformulate:
    
    This is a bad news for liberals and feminists in Latin America, not for Argentineans attention whores.
    
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Roberto Severino

March 13, 2013

I’m crossing my fingers that there will be no more “incidents” with this man. I’m already feeling a good vibe with this Francis character that I never got from that other pope who gave me the creeps. I’m not Catholic, but my parents sort of are, despite the fact that they never attend service.

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N G

March 13, 2013

He taught HIspanic literature so he should really be in your good books. 🙂

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  March 13, 2013
  
  No??? He did??? You are kidding me, right?
  
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marc2020

March 13, 2013

“The 76-year-old baby is the new Pope Jorge Mario Bergoglio”

Laughed my head off at that fucking hilarious!

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  March 13, 2013
  
  🙂 🙂 I’m glad I’m not the only one to laugh at my own jokes.
  
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N G

March 13, 2013

No. I’m not kidding you. Check it out.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  March 13, 2013
  
  OK, I just found that he taught literature and psychology. This will be one curious Pope!
  
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thevenerablecorvex

March 13, 2013

I’ve never even heard of this guy before; not even on the lists of likely prospects to become the next pope. To me at least, this seems to suggest that he may be relatively clean insofar as the recent scandals are concerned.

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David Gendron

March 13, 2013

He’s the first Jesuit to be elected as a pope. I think he’s a conservative.

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1. Benoni
  
  March 13, 2013
  
  “I think he’s a conservative.”
  
  If he wasn’t, then he wouldn’t have been made pope.
  
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  1. bloggerclarissa
    
    March 13, 2013
    
    Well, he’s an Argentinean, he might have been concealing his true beliefs from everybody.
    
    I’m trying to be hopeful.
    
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  2. David Gendron
    
    March 13, 2013
    
    John Paul II was no so conservative.
    
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David Gendron

March 13, 2013

“Congratulations on the new Pope and let’s pray the stick in his ass will be smaller than the one the previous Pope enjoyed.”

Yes, it seems than his stick will be smaller. He seems to be less conservative than the last one.

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David Gendron

March 13, 2013

“I’m pretty sure he was only elected because his last name made everybody think he was Italian.”

In fact, his famiglia is of Italian descent.

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David Gendron

March 13, 2013

An article in French;

http://america-latina.blog.lemonde.fr/2013/03/13/le-jesuite-jorge-mario-bergoglio-etait-le-chef-dune-eglise-argentine-contestee/

“Cela dit, l’Eglise d’Argentine, dont Bergoglio était le primat avant de devenir le nouveau pape, est une des plus contestées d’Amérique latine pour sa passivité, voire sa complicité, à l’égard de la dernière dictature militaire (1976-1983). Le national-catholicisme était l’idéologie dominante des forces armées, qui comptaient avec la bénédiction de la hiérarchie de l’Eglise.

Contrairement aux Eglises du Brésil et du Chili, qui ont joué un rôle capital dans la défense des victimes de la répression et dans la lutte pour les libertés, la hiérarchie argentine a montré une indifférence coupable face aux horreurs commises. Elle fermait la porte aux proches des victimes et refusait de s’impliquer dans des démarches humanitaires. Les religieux et religieuses solidaires des Mères de la place de Mai étaient des francs-tireurs, qui n’étaient pas soutenus par leurs supérieurs, et qui ont payé parfois avec leur vie leur compassion et leur fraternité.
”

(huumm, this is no cool)

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Sister

March 13, 2013

“Seriously, for an Argentinean to accept the post of God’s representative on Earth is a huge step-down because he must have surely believed he was God before he accepted this position as a Pope.”

This is too funny!!! 🙂

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Stringer Bell

March 14, 2013

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/belief/2011/jan/04/argenitina-videla-bergoglio-repentance

Bergoglio hid political prisoners on his *vacation island* so human rights observers wouldn’t see them. Sounds about right.

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Kalesha

March 14, 2013

This is what your link says:

“This article was amended on 14 March 2013. The original article, published in 2011, wrongly suggested that Argentinian journalist Horacio Verbitsky claimed that Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio connived with the Argentinian navy to hide political prisoners on an island called El Silencio during an inspection by human rights monitors. Although Verbitsky makes other allegations about Bergoglio’s complicity in human right abuses, he does not make this claim. The original article also wrongly described El Silencio as Bergoglio’s “holiday home”. This has been corrected.”

They have no idea what they publish so then they have to retract themselves.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  March 14, 2013
  
  Still, the Catholic Church in Argentina fully collaborated with the milicos. I find it hard to believe that this guy managed to get to the position of a cardinal without participating in this.
  
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N G

March 14, 2013

Most of the mass media reporting on the new pope is pretty thin and involves either unsourced rewriting or “cut and paste” journalism of the Wikipedia entry (those newsroom unpaid interns again I suppose). We need someone to do some digging in the original source material and blog it.

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N G

March 14, 2013

Interesting video from THE REAL NEWS NETWORK. “Matthew Fox (former Catholic priest) discusses the Vatican’s work with the CIA and it’s alliance with far right political forces and Pope Francis’ opposition to liberation theology in Latin America. ”

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N G

March 15, 2013

“The Vatican is defending newly elected Pope Francis against allegations he was complicit in human rights abuses during Argentina’s 1976-1983 military junta.

“[The accusations] reveal left-wing elements, anti-clerical elements that are used to attack the church,” said a Vatican spokesman during a Friday news conference, adding that the allegations are “defamatory.”

“They must be firmly and clearly denied.”

http://www.cbc.ca/news/world/story/2013/03/15/wrd-vatican-defends-pope-francis-dirty-war-allegations.html

Two days from the elevation of the cardinal to pope and things are getting hot and heavy for the Vatican PR folks. I wonder what the expiration date on this God’s vicar on earth will be?

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  March 16, 2013
  
  The poor Vatican just can’t get a break!! 🙂
  
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N G

March 30, 2013

Poster on the new pope in Buenos Aires.

http://spanishteachingissues.blogspot.ca/2013/03/tips-to-understand-pope-francis.html

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kelly

April 3, 2013

ahhhh

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kelly

April 3, 2013

Pope Francis asked in his Easter talk: “Who were the first to see Jesus in his Resurrection?” And he himself responded very emphatically: “Le done, le mame” (women, mothers). CNN interpreted it as the Pope heading into the right direction by alluding to women having their deserved place in the church. We hope so. And it was a nice way of putting the Resurrection into context. Daughter says that Pope Francis is nice and oblivious to the pronuntiation of italian double consonants which in Rome are rather sounded. Well, he is the Argentinean Bishop of Rome honey.

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1. bloggerclarissa
  
  April 3, 2013
  
  Everybody knows that Christianity is the religion of women and slaves, so I’m not surprised. 🙂
  
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